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i cant get these things out of my mind. - March 14th 2015, 05:06 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have a lot of memories, thinking about my past over and over. Feeling unreal or like I'm fragmented and sometimes like I'm watching myself. I'm separated from my body and yet I'm trapped inside it, and I wish I can run away from myself. Like for my consciousness to leave its human form behind. Leave everything behind. Why can't I be a tree instead. Or a rock.
Ive dont think ive been this disconnected from life before. I mean i have been a oot but it is getting progressibsly worst. I think...i dont know. Maybe it is getting better and im too stupis to notice. Im bad at understanding things
I'm so tense and I feel like if I cut where I'm tense I'll feel less tense. That includes my neck. That includes my thighs and my stomach. Where there's sensitive skin but I just don't care anymore. I'm too tense to care.


I keep feeling him at my lips and neck. This is so stupid because being kissed is not a big deal. Being kissed withoutconsenting is seen as playful and cute by most people. And maybe a bit awkward to ask to kiss in that tongue way. I keep feeling the tongue stuff in my mouth and I hate it. It usually just happens from whst i understand. And this was what like three years ago? I can't stop thinking about it. How forced it was. How sly he was. How I tried to get away and he held me to it. How we not only werent in a relationship but it was within a few hours of meeting him at a community center that had a safe space policy. I went there to feel more safe becsuse of what was hapoening already. How I actually told someone and she brushed it off like why are you complaining for getting affection? It really seems like no one understands something minor like this as an attack and yet I do. I don't know. It is making me want to destroy myself.


This isn't the only thing either. A lot of things are going on simoltaneoualy but this is dominating my mind at the moment
Sorry if I'm wasting everyone's time.

.

Last edited by Not_here; March 14th 2015 at 04:35 PM. Reason: clarifying something
   
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Re: i cant get these things out of my mind. - March 15th 2015, 12:26 AM

Hey there,

You aren't wasting anyone's time. It makes sense that this would upset you. Having a kiss forced on you is not something that should be taken lightly. I know that some people don't understand this though. Some people think that because it wasn't taken further that that means it wasn't a big deal. However, this had an impact on you and that is all that matters. You need to work on finding a way to deal with what happened. I know that might be hard to do but working on finding a way to deal with this will help you work on healing from this and work on getting to a better place.

I really hope that this helped and if you need anything please feel free to message me.


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Re: i cant get these things out of my mind. - March 16th 2015, 05:37 AM

Thank you for the reply. It was very helpful. So far I'm going okay for about a say and a half. I guess things like these cone and go. Like a trigger but some triggers are from my thoughts and from my mind thinking about stuff. So I can't quite avoid it.
   
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Re: i cant get these things out of my mind. - March 22nd 2015, 03:22 AM

Howdy Gryff c:

You aren't wasting anyone's time. We're all here to love and support everyone c:

You shouldn't ever be forced to do anything, even if it's something like a kiss. It does not matter what it is that was forced upon someone. If it impacts you, that's all that matters.


Maybe you can make a comfort box/bag? You basically get a box or a bag and put things that comfort and calm you down into it. Maybe put some chocolate and a book you really like into it. Whatever you would like in it. After you put everything in it, you can decorate if you'd like. Then, whenever you feel like harming yourself, need some comfort, need a distraction, or whenever you feel tense, you have all your comfort items in one place c:

You can also maybe make a calming jar, which can be found here c: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f80-m...e-calming-jar/


I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to, just PM me. C: Stay strong Gryff, always remember that whatever life chucks your way, you are strong enough to charge your way through it. It might not seem true, especially right now, but it's true. Life is fair like that c: Love you, good luck


"Remember your loved and you always will be. This melody will bring you right back home." - Linkin park, The messenger. Stay strong everyone!! You are always strong enough to get through whatever life throws your way, no matter how hard it may seem.
   
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