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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Becky-Jae Offline
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Angry I don't know what to do? - May 20th 2015, 07:24 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've been clean for a few weeks and today I broke. I spent the day with my best friend but after he left, everything went wrong, I got some horrible texts off some girls who have been bothering me. I just broke, i'm done with being strong, i didn't know what or how to cope, everything ive build towards, everything ive tried to fix, just fell apart, just as my worse ones were starting to scab over. I don't know what to do. Everyones going to hate me. I don't know how to make it better. I don't know what to do, I absolutely hate it, why am I like this? what I have ever done? Im just broken.
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Palmolive Offline
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Re: I don't know what to do? - May 20th 2015, 07:38 PM

Not everyone will hate you. People need to know and understand that recovery is difficult and that there are going to be slip ups and blips. You have tried your best and that's all you can do and that's all you can continue to do. Yes it's going to be a hard fight and this is going to take time but you can fight this and overcome it. I'm not saying the urges are going to completely going to go away, but with hard work and time (time's a healer!), you'll learn how to handle and manage and cope with the urges and they'll become less intense so you can handle them. I think you're doing really well and that you should be proud of yourself for trying so hard.

Do you use any skills you have and any alternatives/distractions? If you do that's great. Keep doing it. If you don't, start doing them. And if they don't help, just keep using them just to stop you from self harming. If you're too busy coloring, walking, watching tv, reading, with a friend and so on, you aren't going to have the time to self harm but you have to keep at it. You have to keep focused on what you are doing.

I know it's a hard fight but it's also very worth it so believe in yourself and don't stop fighting. We're always here for you if you need us, kay?

Stay safe and look after yourself,

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: I don't know what to do? - May 20th 2015, 07:43 PM

Hey Becky! I'm so sorry that this is what you're dealing with.

Let me assure you that although relapsing feels like a fail, take it as a win. You can do this by figuring out what triggered you in the first place and set a plan to deal with said trigger for next time. It seems like there are a lot of things going on for you at the moment that collectively work towards the pain you're feeling. Is there anyone you can talk to about this? Perhaps you have a close friend, a favorite teacher or a guidance counselor? Quitting something that you've used so long to help you cope is extremely difficult but the best thing you can do for yourself. You don't deserve to battle this alone, ya know? As human beings we need each other to thrive. It's okay to need to people, and it's more than okay to lean on people. So, that said, if there is at least one person you think you could reach out to, please do, because you're worth that.

Are these girls that you mention bullying you, or harassing you in some way? If they are apart of the reason for relapsing, which is what it sounds like, you need to save the logs/messages/texts they send you and talk to your parents or someone who can help you deal with this. In the meantime, I would highly suggest blocking their numbers and any profile on social media. They seem detrimental to your mental state at the moment, so them being able to interact with you is not safe for you. And you shouldn't have to deal with that. No one should!

Surround yourself with people who can love you, support you, and be there for you. At times you may feel alone in this, but you don't have to. In fact, you'd be surprised at how much people can actually help if you let them. This world is tough, but you're strong. You're still fighting, and you made it a couple weeks without self harm. So give yourself a huge pat on the back. A few weeks may not seem like a lot but it's a milestone. It shows that you have the strength to get through urges, and it's a small bit of hope that I hope you hold on to.

Best of luck to you

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Re: I don't know what to do? - May 21st 2015, 02:58 AM

It sounds as if you had a very good day with your best friend and it seems like you both care for each other very much, so that is something positive to focus on. The above poster offered some good suggestions in blocking the numbers of those harassing you and possibly even reporting them. Don't be ashamed of your relapse - you simply had a weak moment while in pain. Take good care and best wishes to you.
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