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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
renai. Offline
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relapsing sucks. but it's part of recovery, right? - May 28th 2015, 05:42 AM

So, I had a SH and ED relapse over these past few weeks. And today I kind of decided it's time to put my foot down. Mostly because I'm in a really crappy situation at home, being on suicide watch and everything. I've decided I'm going to stop and really try to get better this time. I just really need help and advice. How do you quit something after doing it on and off for over ten years? I keep a list of the alternatives and other things on hand, but it's hard to keep myself safe most of the time.

What works for you, when you're trying to keep yourself safe and stable? Is relapse part of the recovery process? Should I feel guilty for this?

Thanks for the help!
- renai.

it's just a spark, but it's enough to keep me going. and when it's dark out, no one's around, it keeps glowing.

the truth hurts but it hasn't stung enough to stop me.

see, you're just wasted and thinking 'bout the past again, darling, you'll be okay.

You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. - song of songs 4:7
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Re: relapsing sucks. but it's part of recovery, right? - May 28th 2015, 05:49 AM


I think that relapse is, in fact, a part of the recovery process. Sometimes slip ups do happen, but the thing to remember is that it shouldn't weigh you down or hold you back. Instead, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep going. Make it a goal to go even longer than you did last time and be proud of how much you accomplished! Any amount of time free of self harm is an accomplishment that you should be proud of.

You said you already have a list of alternatives down and that is wonderful! I think that this is a start for sure!

For me something that helps is being with people. You don't have to tell them what is going on, although I really recommend it, because having a support system can be super important. But, it is harder to self harm when there are people around me.

I also try and keep busy, because that way I won't have as much time to think about what is triggering me. I may try cleaning my room, doing some volunteering, or even just going somewhere like the movies, but it can be super useful since you'll have something to occupy your mind.

Maybe you can try and move your self harm tools somewhere harder to get at, such as a different room or underneath a lot of stuff. That way, it takes you more time to get at the tools and by the time you do, your urges may be manageable.

i strongly encourage you to write down a list of reasons you would like to recover. They can be any reasons whatsoever. Also write down or print out encouraging quotes and pictures. When you are thinking of relapsing, look at these so you can have a reminder of all the reasons to stay strong.

I know you can do this!


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Re: relapsing sucks. but it's part of recovery, right? - May 28th 2015, 06:22 AM

Hi! Relapsing is a part of recovery, yeah. I've found that each time I've relapsed it's made me a little stronger a few days afterwards.

Sometimes what I do when I feel like self-harming is to get in bed where it's nice and warm, and lay there for a bit in a fetal position. It might sound weird, but it's helped out for me. Good luck, you can do this!

"Remember your loved and you always will be. This melody will bring you right back home." - Linkin park, The messenger. Stay strong everyone!! You are always strong enough to get through whatever life throws your way, no matter how hard it may seem.
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Re: relapsing sucks. but it's part of recovery, right? - May 28th 2015, 05:30 PM

Relapsing is definitely often a part of recovery and it's nothing to be ashamed of. I can't offer you any real suggestions as I have never self-harmed, but I wish you well moving forward.
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Re: relapsing sucks. but it's part of recovery, right? - May 28th 2015, 07:33 PM

Hi there
I can only agree with the others. Relapsing is a part of recovery and no matter how often you relapse, just remember that every time you stay strong inbetween is one scar less on your body and something to be proud of!

As for what's helping for recovery I guess that really depends on the person. For me personaly the alternatives and distractions don't work that well, but I found out that letting everything out helps. And if that involves screaming and throwing everything I can get my hands on at the wall and crying my eyes out, than I will do just that (and try to not throw anything that will break and make me feel guilty afterwards).
I guess for me it simply helped that I realiced that SH won't give me what I'm trying to get through it. It was a painfull realication but in the end it really helped me.

I wish you the best. It doesn't matter how often you fall, as long as you stand up again.
You can do this!

It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

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Re: relapsing sucks. but it's part of recovery, right? - May 28th 2015, 09:47 PM

Hey there

I think relapsing is a normal part of recovery for sure. Truth is that we don't just choose recovery once; we have to keep choosing it again and again and again, every time we want to break down and give into the urges. You have to keep choosing to fight. You have to keep choosing to recover. Not just once, but over.

What's helped me? A lot of mindfulness. You can google mindfulness but taking mindful walks or eating chocolate using your five senses. Doing mindfulness exercises. Especially the body scan. You can youtube exercises and the body scan. I also use breathing techniques as a part of mindfulness and use one which is called 7/11 where I breathe in for 7 through my nose and out for eleven through my mouth but you can change this to what works for you!

I also use glow bands a lot when I have urges to self harm/attempt suicide. The point of them is that when you have an urge, you snap one and wear it, and you're not allowed to do anything until its stopped glowing which is normally about 6-12 hours later on by which time the urges have normally an hopefully have stopped and you feel a bit better by then. Also, if you tell people about it, they'll know that when you're wearing one, you're struggling, so they know they need to be a bit more extra supporting.

I would definately suggest that you put support in place. Its always good to have a support network in place. Do you have a therapist at the moment? If not maybe it's something you could look into. You can talk to people like family, friends, your GP (Doctor), teacher/lecturer, counselor, therapist or helplines and then of course we're always here for you too. But having someone to talk to has really helped me. It's helped me get things of my chest and get through the hard times, you know? Its helpful. Can be scary but helpful.

Something else that helps me is being around the people that care about me the most and me being around the people that I care about the most. It's not a big thing to do, but it can make you feel love and can also make you feel loved. It can just help you to get by, by having some company too. Try spending times with friends and family and getting involved in things and going out so you're not stuck with yourself and therefore with your thoughts all the time.

Also, alternatives are great but sometimes we have to trial and error and also keep trying the things we've already tried. Thing is, if you're always doing an alternative, even if you feel like it's not working, then you're going to be too busy to do anything like self harming. But there will be things out there which help you, its just finding them and that can take time.

Im here if you ever need anything so please feel free to message me anytime and I hope things are going okay. Stay safe and strong. Believe in yourself. You can do this and you're worth much more than self harm.
Take good care,

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: relapsing sucks. but it's part of recovery, right? - May 28th 2015, 10:42 PM


I relapsed numerous times before I got to the point where I am at now (2 years free). I do believe that relapse is a part of recovery and the most important thing to remember if you relapse is not to beat yourself up about it. I know when I would relapse I would feel really guilty and it would cause me to think negative thoughts which would then lead to me harming more. So, accept your relapse and tell yourself you can try again. The most important thing is to not give up on recovering.

If you aren't currently seeing a therapist I think this would help. When I was recovering these past two years there was a period of time where I utilized my therapist quite often. She helped me to get through the urges by allowing me to talk about my triggers, the urges I was having and anything else that was bugging me.

You asked what keeps me stable when I am struggling and my answer is Teenhelp. When I really want to harm myself I go into chat, I do some of my staff duties and I utilize livehelp if it is active. This is one of the main ways I stay busy and for me it is fun. I think if it weren't for Teenhelp I would have relapsed a long time ago.

I hope this helped and if you need anything feel free to message me.

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