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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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molly691 Offline
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not ok anymore - July 20th 2015, 02:01 AM

Lately it's been hard to keep away from cutting and to stay happy.

Ever since my mum got her new boyfriend, she keeps ignoring me and bringing up things that I don't want to talk about e.g. my self harm. She really is making me feel worse but every time I tell her she brushes off what I'm saying.

I'm not ok anymore.


NOT EVERYONE HAS TO LIKE YOU.
NOT EVERYONE HAS TASTE.

Last edited by Hypothesis.; July 20th 2015 at 02:14 AM. Reason: Removing triggering prefix. :)
   
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Re: not ok anymore - July 20th 2015, 02:14 AM

Hi there,

I am so sorry to hear about what is going on in your life right now! That is so tough to deal with, and you don't deserve that.

Maybe you can try and plan some time with your mom? You wouldn't necessarily be bringing up your concerns again, just planning some fun time. It can even be for a short time if that's all that you can manage right now. Maybe you two can watch a movie together or play games together, or go somewhere for lunch. She should be willing to have time for you, and you should be the one that comes first.

Remember that people will always love and care about you no matter what. I am sorry that your mom is ignoring you, but not everyone will do that. Surround yourself with friends and other family members who care. Maybe even join clubs and social groups to make even more friends!

Self harm isn't the way to deal with it though and in the end it definitely can make the problems you are facing worse. You have to worry about people you don't want knowing finding out, and you also risk infection. The problems also just come back because you aren't actually solving them. Maybe you can find a different way to cope? This is a list of alternatives to self harm that you can try.

I'd also really urge you to find ways to express your emotions, because it sounds like you have a lot pent up. Writing, art, and music are all good ways to do that, and exercise is a good way to release stress.

Maybe when things get too bad at home you can find things to do to get out of the house for a while? Maybe you can take a walk to clear your mind, or go to the movies. You can even volunteer, which can make you feel really great, or find a hobby. At least that way you'll get some space if you need it.

Always remember to take care of yourself. Maybe you can take a warm bath or shower then curl up with a good book or movie, do your hair, paint your nails, or eat your favorite goodies. You deserve it!

Remember how I said above that people care? I bet they'd want to support you through this too, so don't be afraid to open up. It may go better than expected!

I know you can beat this.

-Dez


   
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Re: not ok anymore - July 20th 2015, 02:20 AM

Hey, Molly.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time staying happy lately and that your mom has been ignoring you lately but I am glad you reached out here.

Understandably, discussing your self-harm with your mom must feel scary and something you'd try to avoid. But it sounds like your mom is just concerned and cares about you, which is why she brings it up often. Do you think it may help to talk about it with her? Is it okay if I ask if there's any particular reason(s) behind you not wanting to talk about your self-harm with her? Having her support and just simply being able to open up about it with someone in your life could help a lot more than you know.

On the note of talking to your mom, have you sat down with her when she isn't too busy and talked to her about these things? Calmly and politely explain that you feel kind of ignored since she's gotten a boyfriend, and also that some things she tries to talk about upsets you and it bothers you when she brushes it off. I know it can be really hard sometimes, but communication can be really effective.

Aside from your mom, is there anyone else you can go to for support? Such as a friend, teacher, counselor or another trusted adult in your life? Being able to have someone to go to when in need and be able to talk to in real life can help a lot. And of course, you can always message some of us here at TeenHelp as well.

In the meantime, try your best to occupy yourself with things that do make you happy. Such as hobbies you enjoy and fun, time-consuming activities such as biking, sports, crafts, reading etc. Emotional outlets are a good idea as well, like creative writing, art, music and simply keeping a journal to write down your feelings, thoughts and things going on in your life. Learning to release and express your emotions in healthier ways is really important.

Hope it was okay of me to do, but I looked at some previous threads you've posted in the self-harm forum and I saw where other users have linked the self-harm alternatives list to you. I was wondering if you'd tried many things on that list, and if any of them helped you? If so, perhaps you could also resort to some of the alternatives as well.

Message me if you need someone to talk to. I hope things improve for you and that you feel better soon. Take care, Molly!
   
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Re: not ok anymore - July 20th 2015, 02:22 AM

Everything will be alright if you just believe in it.
   
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Re: not ok anymore - July 20th 2015, 11:53 PM

Hi there.

I am really sorry you are going through this right now. I can understand that it must be hard for you but I am so glad that you came here to get some help and advice. Well done for reaching out

Have you tried sitting down to your mum on a day where she's not too busy and talking to her? I know this might sound hard and you might not want to hear it because you've already tried talking to her, but try catch her when she's free, really free and can give you her time. Tell her how you feel and why you feel this way. And if you don't feel able to talk to her, try writing her a letter. I know I have done that in the past to people and it has really helped me. Try spending time with your mum too. Having some bonding time might be really helpful, for the both of you.

Do you have anyone else you can reach out onto for support? Maybe other family members, friends, a teacher, a guidance counselor, your doctor, etc. All these people want to help you and they can help you but only if you let them in and let them help and most importantly if you meet them half way. They have to put half of the work in but so do you. It has to come from both sides you know? But people care about you, love you, and want to help, so let them in to do so. I know it's hard to reach out but you don't deserve to be going through this alone. You deserve so much more than that and you deserve to have support to help you through this and to help you get through the days that you struggle on and when you feel like self harming, you deserve to have someone to talk to about that. Or maybe you could try calling hotlines or looking for a local charity whom provides support too? That might be really beneficial for you.

Also distractions can be brilliant. No, they aren't all going to work and sometimes you're going to want to stop trying but as long you're trying distractions (new and old ones) you're doing something other than causing harm to yourself and that is what is important my friend. So try new things to find what works, but when you're in that moment, literally try anything and everything until you're so tired you just want to sleep or until it's taken you hours or days that the urges have started to go and you can manage again with out having to use them. Also find a way to release your emotions. Don't use cutting to release emotions; try things like running, art, dance, writing etc. These can be really helpful things. I know that I write a lot and it really helps me and I hope you can find something that helps you too.

Is there something that has triggered these urges to self harm? Maybe something from the past, worries about the future or even something that's going on now. If there is something, know that we're here for you and we'll try and help you as best as we can. We'll listen to you and we won't judge. We'll try our hardest to help you through it in the best way we can. But if there isn't anything, then that's okay too, you know? Sometimes we just feel this way and that's fine.

You don't deserve to hurt yourself so please try and look after yourself. I'm not going to make your promise not to hurt yourself; that would be unfair of me. But try to look after you because you don't deserve the pain or anything bad to happen to you. You deserve a lot more than what you are going through and this will pass. You will get through this and to the other side, but its' going to take time and hard work. But you'll get there. Keep fighting it and be honest with people, they love you and want to help.

Stay strong and don't be alone. You can do this.
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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