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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Kelly8 Offline
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Question Urge to cut - July 27th 2015, 11:13 PM

I'm 15 and I haven't actually cut but I have a constant urge to cut. My next oldest sister and I used to be really close but then she got a boyfriend who my parents don't like at all and my dad keeps getting mad at her around me for being with him so much and at the same time one of my other sisters got engaged to a guy who lets just say isn't all that good. So now I have two parents telling me not to be like my older sisters. This causes me to feel like I have to the the perfect poster child and I can't make any mistakes. It has now been 6 months since all of this started happening. I've been really depressed and find myself often with a knife or razor in my hand wanting to cut and feel relief. I've started taking --- and scratching my skin with it. Not to the point where I bleed but there are marks that stay for a few days. I want to get rid of this urge before the habit even starts but I don't know how. I tried to tell my two best friends and they both expressed their concern then went to to tell me how upset it would make them if I cut which made me upset because it is my body not theirs but I dropped it knowing they were trying to help and now they walk on pins and needles around me. I even asked if they could just drop it and one of them said yes but the other said that she was really concerned and won't drop it. I feel like I've now lost my only best friends. Which makes me feel even more like I can't talk to anyone. What should I do?

Last edited by Kelly8; July 28th 2015 at 05:56 AM. Reason: Please don't post methods of self harm.
   
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Re: Urge to cut - July 28th 2015, 03:05 AM

Hey there,

I am sorry to hear about everything that you are going through right now!

I first off want to say that NOBODY is perfect. Not your sisters, not you, not your parents, not anyone. There is no such thing as perfection. Everyone is different and has different personalities, wants, needs, and aspirations. Therefore it'd be too hard to judge what it means to be perfect. Do the best you can to just be yourself and that is all that matters.

I think you should tell your parents to stop telling you to be less like your sisters though. Tell them that it is both rude to your sisters and also puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on you. Tell them you're trying your best, but don't want the added pressure.

I'd also talk to your next oldest sister and let her know that you understand that she has a life, but you miss spending time with her. Maybe you two can go to a movie or have lunch together one day. It may help.

I am sorry that your best friends reacted like that. I don't think you've lost them as best friends, and I bet they truly do care about you and just don't know how to help. Maybe you can let them know things that CAN help you. For example, tell them that walking on pins and needles isn't useful, but also tell them what you think WILL be beneficial to you.

Maybe you can talk to someone like a guidance counselor at school, because they won't judge. I will say that if you mention self harming they are mandatory reporters and have to tell your parents, but you don't necessarily need to mention the self ham (although I encourage it). You can start out by saying some of what is going on at home, for instance, such as with your sisters and parents, because THAT they definitely can help you with confidentially.

Maybe you can write down or print out some encouraging quotes and images that remind you exactly how amazing you are. Write down a list of things you like about yourself as well, because it is always good to have a reminder. Set goals and complete them as a way to feel proud of yourself.

Try and find ways to express your emotions so they're not all pent up inside of you. Writing, art, and music are all good ways to do this. Exercise is a good way to release stress. Also try and find ways to relax, such as by taking a warm bath or shower then curling up with a good book or movie, painting your nails, or eating your favorite goodies. You deserve it!

Self harm isn't the way to go though. You have to worry about infection or the self harm getting worse, as well as hiding it from those you don't want knowing. You also aren't actually solving the problems so they just come back. This is a list of healthier and safer ways to cope with everything that is going on. If one doesn't work, keep trying, because you are bound to find one that does!

Try and find things to do to get out of the house when things get tough. Maybe you can join clubs and social groups or volunteer, for example.

You can do this!

-Dez


   
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Re: Urge to cut - July 29th 2015, 06:59 PM

Hey There,

I can relate to your story a little bit.
I grew up in a family where my older sister had a lot of issues and therefore I was pressured to be the "poster child." Therefore I fell into a vicious cycle of depression and self-harm.

Let me tell you, cutting isn't worth it. It might seem like it will make everything better, but in the end it's just going to create bigger issues and make you hurt even more. I'm glad that you haven't done anything yet.

To deal with urges, why not do something you enjoy: go shopping, play a sport, video game, talk to a friend, color, etc. Whatever you like to do. Do that until the urges stop.

Next, I think opening up to your best friends was an amazing idea. You are right when you say it isn't there body, but they are going to be hurt if you something happened to you. Just because it's your body doesn't mean you should harm it. Take care of it. I don't think you lost a best friend. Honestly, I wouldn't be able to let it go if my best friend told me she wanted to cut. I would check in every now and then and make sure she has the support. It just means she loves you. Try seeing it from that perspective.

I think maybe finding a counselor and talking about your family issues and the pressures you are facing would help you tremendously. Please consider it.

If you ever wish to talk, I'm here for you!


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
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you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

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Re: Urge to cut - July 29th 2015, 11:55 PM

I think it's a good idea to let your parents in on the pressure you feel they are putting you under. It could be that they do not even realize the affect their words are having on you, so I think it's best not to keep them in the dark about it.

Also, don't be afraid to lean on your friends. It sounds as if they care about you and wish to help, but are hesitant to say anything due to perhaps not understanding entirely what you are dealing with. I'm sure they didn't mean to offend you by saying they would be hurt if you harmed yourself - they probably just wanted you to know that they cared.

Take good care - best wishes.
   
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