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Do I Say Something? How? - July 28th 2015, 07:19 AM

OK, I can't sleep tonight so I got on YouTube. I was watching a video that deals with depression and stopping self-harm. I was reading the comments, intending to post how good the video was, when I noticed a comment from a friend of mine. I met this person, B, at a summer camp I went to. B and I shared a cabin at this camp, and when camp was over, we said we would find each other on Facebook. We did. We message daily now. But tonight, I saw a message from her (it had her name, and her picture, the exact same one from Facebook, so I know for sure it was her) commenting on this video. It said she used to self-harm and recently her depression came back and she struggles not to self-harm now, but she doesn't want her friends and family finding out because they will judge her and hate her and stuff like that, but she wishes she could talk to them about it, at least one person, so somebody would know what she is going through and would try to help her because she is alone in her fight and needs somebody on her side... I'm kind of wondering if I should respond to that or not... As soon as I comment, she will see my name and picture. So I don't want to freak her out, she did say she doesn't want her friends and family to find out. But her reasoning is they would judge her/hate her. She also said she wished she could tell them so that at least one person would know what she is going through and would help her. I know EXACTLY what she is going through because I'm going through the same thing, I would definitely try to help her. I wouldn't judge/hate her. I feel like I should send her a reply on YouTube or a message on Facebook so I could try to help, but I don't want to make her feel like I will judge her or anything. And to be honest, I don't know how to let her know I saw her comment without it seeming like I actively went looking for her on YouTube (although I'm honestly not sure if that is even possible to see all their comments and such). It was just sheer coincidence that I saw her comment. I don't think she would believe that though. I just want to help this girl, by the way she wrote the comment, it sounded like she is very very close to relapsing and doesn't think she can do it. She is a really nice girl and I don't want her to go through this alone like she currently is.

Does anybody have an opinion on whether or not to let her know I saw that comment? If I should, how should I phrase that so she doesn't think I will be mean about it?



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Re: Do I Say Something? How? - July 28th 2015, 12:19 PM

hii...
you should talk to her . It feels good sharing stuff with someone who you can trust and since you both are friends , i think it will help her .
   
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Re: Do I Say Something? How? - July 29th 2015, 12:01 AM

Hi, Brianna!

The fact that you want to help your friend is really, really kind of you. She's lucky to have such a caring friend! Honestly, my opinion is that you should definitely bring this up to her. It sounds like she's terrified to tell anyone because of what they might think or how they'll see her afterwards, but she also really, really wants the comfort, support and care of someone close to her at the same time. So, your simple support, acknowledgement and letting her know someone cares and understands could help tremendously.

You could word it like this just for example: "Hi. I've been debating on whether or not to bring this up so firstly, I'd like to reassure you that I wasn't looking for your comments but I was on YouTube watching a video to help me with my struggles and I happened to see your comment on the video. I hope it was okay of me to message you about it, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm going through a few of the same things you are and I wanted to let you know I won't judge you because I understand. Maybe we could support each other through this? Because I care and don't want you to be alone through what you're facing." By letting her know you saw her comment by chance and also clearly reassuring her that you won't judge her at all, it could be really comforting to her letting her know she isn't alone and that someone close to her understands.

That's my opinion, but it's completely up to you whether or not you talk to her about this. If you do, I hope it goes well and I'd like to hear how it goes if you do decide to talk to her about this. Only if you don't mind of course! Take care, Brianna, and as I said, you're a sweet friend for caring about her enough to want to say something and to not want her to go through this alone. I imagine that your support will mean a lot to her.
   
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Re: Do I Say Something? How? - July 29th 2015, 12:36 AM

Hey there,

I think that it's great that you want to talk to your friend and try and support her. I know that having people rallying behind you when you are struggling can be so beneficial. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to respond to her message. I think you should just be genuine and be sure to include in there that you have no intention of judging her. You could also let her know that you have some similar struggles if you feel comfortable. I think the key is to let her know that you are open to what she is struggling with and would like very much to support her through this.


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Re: Do I Say Something? How? - July 30th 2015, 03:40 AM

I sent a message to B last night like an hour after I posted the question because I felt so bad for her. She messaged back immediately and I stayed up all night talking to her. She told me that she is really glad I was the one who saw that, as opposed to some of the other people she knows who wouldn't be so kind to her about her self-harm/depression. I told her I try to be kind to everybody, no matter what. I told her I have been told by a lot of people that I am really easy to talk to because they know I won't judge them or tell anybody else. Throughout our conversation, she repeatedly mentioned how nobody understands her completely because nobody seems to understand depression/self-harm. Finally I decided to tell her that I have been through it too. The only response she seemed to be able to come up with was "is that why you wouldn't go swimming at camp?" I told her yes, and she and I talked for a couple minutes about why I started to self-harm (although I didn't go into much detail, I just said I had a lot of issues with my family), she told me why she started, she asked me for alternatives to self-harm. I copied and pasted the list from on here. And then she told me how grateful she is for my support and asked me again not to tell any of her other friends or her family. I swore up and down that I won't. Then she told me that right as my message came through on Facebook, she had almost given up her attempt to stop self-harming. She was so close to doing it, and I stopped her by sending the message when I did. I even said in my thread that she worded the message like she was very very close to relapsing. When she told me that I was the reason she didn't relapse, that was what made my birthday the best day in a long time. Not all the things I GOT, but the things I GAVE: hope, encouragement, support, and a listening ear to a friend in need. My 16th birthday was sweet indeed.



"I've decided to stick with love. Hate is too great aburden to bear." Martin Luther king Jr.
   
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Re: Do I Say Something? How? - July 30th 2015, 04:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Staypositive View Post
I sent a message to B last night like an hour after I posted the question because I felt so bad for her. She messaged back immediately and I stayed up all night talking to her. She told me that she is really glad I was the one who saw that, as opposed to some of the other people she knows who wouldn't be so kind to her about her self-harm/depression. I told her I try to be kind to everybody, no matter what. I told her I have been told by a lot of people that I am really easy to talk to because they know I won't judge them or tell anybody else. Throughout our conversation, she repeatedly mentioned how nobody understands her completely because nobody seems to understand depression/self-harm. Finally I decided to tell her that I have been through it too. The only response she seemed to be able to come up with was "is that why you wouldn't go swimming at camp?" I told her yes, and she and I talked for a couple minutes about why I started to self-harm (although I didn't go into much detail, I just said I had a lot of issues with my family), she told me why she started, she asked me for alternatives to self-harm. I copied and pasted the list from on here. And then she told me how grateful she is for my support and asked me again not to tell any of her other friends or her family. I swore up and down that I won't. Then she told me that right as my message came through on Facebook, she had almost given up her attempt to stop self-harming. She was so close to doing it, and I stopped her by sending the message when I did. I even said in my thread that she worded the message like she was very very close to relapsing. When she told me that I was the reason she didn't relapse, that was what made my birthday the best day in a long time. Not all the things I GOT, but the things I GAVE: hope, encouragement, support, and a listening ear to a friend in need. My 16th birthday was sweet indeed.
That's so sweet. You had a nice birthday because you were able to give hope to a friend in need. You have such a kind heart and I'm happy you had a good birthday along with the fact that talking to your friend went so well. I imagine she really appreciates having support from you. Happy birthday, Brianna.
   
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