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peppermint Offline
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relapse - September 29th 2015, 04:30 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

To anyone who will listen,

I've been clean for 347 days now and I can't take it anymore. I have recovered my box of blades and I think I just need to release everything again. I think I am also slipping back into the grips of ana. I just need someone to talk to but I don't have anyone to turn to. I am just so done with everything.

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Re: relapse - September 29th 2015, 05:04 AM

Hi there and welcome to TeenHelp.

I'm sorry you're feeling like you're going to relapse. I hope you haven't yet and I hope you don't but regardless of whether or not you do relapse, nothing will take away those 347 days of progress away. That is massive progress and something you should be proud of yourself for. The fact that you kept up with it so exact tells me that recovery has been really important to you so what about writing out your reasons for recovery as a reminder and further motivation? You sound like you feel really, really low and don't know how to beat this urge so the reminder and motivation might help.

Secondly, do you want to talk about what triggered you? About what's going on in your life? Of course, you don't have to if you don't wish to but I wanted to let you know we're happy to listen if you want to let some feelings, thoughts and frustrations out. Other ways to release your emotions is to write it all out in a journal, or even a piece of paper then rip it up. You can go for a run to get away from things along with the fact that exercise releases endorphins which might help reduce your urges. There's also a very helpful list of self-harm alternatives that might help. Maybe you could try out the things on the list? Surely at least some of them would work.

In your personal life, you don't have anyone you can open up to? Having support and being able to talk about your struggles could be really helpful for you right now. I'm not sure of your reasons so I'll just say that reaching out is probably understandably scary but you shouldn't have to go through this alone and plus, simply getting things of your chest can feel like a relief in itself. Aside from people in your personal life, do you see a therapist or anything of the sort? That might be a good idea to consider to help you through what you're currently going through.

I'm not entirely sure of your situation and what's going on for you right now but I just want you to know that you're more than welcome to reach out here to talk to us, okay? I surely hope you don't relapse but even if you do, I hope you still try again because recovery is possible. Relapses do happen as recovery can be a roller coaster but recovery is possible, you can do it. Just don't give up on yourself. Think of the reasons why, remind yourself you're worth it and practice self-care. Do what makes you happy, what's good for you emotionally and allow yourself to take a step back from everything that is upsetting you.

I'm not sure if this helped any but I'm hoping it did. You're welcome to PM me if you need someone to talk to. Take care and stay strong.

Last edited by DeletedAccount11; September 29th 2015 at 05:22 AM. Reason: Grammar fix.
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Palmolive Offline
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Re: relapse - October 4th 2015, 11:05 PM

Hi there,

I'm so sorry you're going through a rough time right now but also so glad you felt able to reach out to us here and I hope we help you in some way. Be proud of yourself for reaching out for help.

Being clean for 347 days is absolutely incredible and amazing. And Nala is right when she says nothing can take that away. No matter what happens (which I do hope you stay safe) that is going to be a big achievement and always a working goal and aim to either reach or hopefully, continue achieving higher than it. I honestly, have no idea how people like yourself can do so. To me not self harming for a while is a week or so and I find it hard to do that so I really look at people like you as an inspiration. You should be really proud of yourself for achieving this.

Self harm is a difficult one. Its hard to overcome and its hard to beat and I can relate to the fact that you're struggling with it at the moment, but you're a strong person and you deserve everything good; not bad things like hurting yourself. You are worth more than that and I hope that one day you can see that for yourself too. I know its hard and scary but self harm isn't going to help you. It isn't going to make anything better and if it did then you'd be feeling better by now. It would have worked already. The problem is it becomes an addiction and we grow to feel like we need it. But you don't need it. You honestly don't and I hope you find the strength inside yourself to continue beating the urges because you don't deserve to go through the pain of it.

Talking to people can be a great help. I don't know what's going on for you a lot right now, but know that if you want to talk then we're here for you. And if you want to message me I'm here for you too, okay? Just ranting or getting support and advice on a situation can be helpful. But if you aren't ready or don't want to talk about what is happening for you then know that that's okay too. Just know that when and if you are ever ready, we're here, you're not alone. Or maybe if you feel more comfortable talking to someone else you can do that. Someone like family, friends, a teacher, your GP, etc. All these people care about you and want to help you but they can only do so if they know whats going on. Just make sure you don't suffer alone in silence. You deserve the help and the support.

Do you think you could get rid of the blades? Another scary thought I know but sometimes it helps us if we put the temptation out of the way. Get rid of it, you know? It can help so it's just a thought. However, if you don't feel able to get rid of them, a tip my CPN gave me was too put post it notes on my blades and write things like "I don't deserve to do this to myself" and "Call someone now" on them so when I went to them, those post it notes on the blades would make me stop and think, do I really want to do this or should I contact someone. It just helps to give you a moment to stop and think about what you are doing and to assess the situation.

I hope this helps a little bit but like I said, feel free to message me if you need anything. I believe in you and know you have the strength to get through this and you aren't alone. Make sure you take good care of yourself and reach out for help if you need it. Have hope and believe in yourself.

Take good care,

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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