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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Luke Horan Offline
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Unhappy Help Me? Self Harm... - October 5th 2015, 02:16 PM

People have always told me that i'm trying to be someone i'm not but actually im just being me...
i'd get physically bullyed becuase of it
In my own time dealing with the emotions of it are hard so i self harm... please help me..

this is me:
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Re: Help Me? Self Harm... - October 5th 2015, 06:26 PM

Hey there Luke I think you should ignore the people who believe that you're trying to be someone that you're not, but maybe you could elaborate on that? Do they simply say "you're trying to be someone you're not" or are they a little more precise?
This kind of reminds me of an episode I ent through in middle school. Basically I had dated this guy and since then one of my closest friends made some not-so-nice comments about me having changed and being someone that I wasn't, which was hurtful because I was just being myself, so I totally get how you feel. You have to know that regardless of whether or not these people are being mean out of jealousy or because they actually believe what they are saying, the only person who will ever know you best is you, so trust your own judgement. Ignore them, stick up for yourself. Show them that this is who you are and that you're not going to change for anyone.
As for the self harm, I'm afraid I have no experience with that and so I have no advice to give.

I hope this helps


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Re: Help Me? Self Harm... - October 5th 2015, 08:26 PM

Hi, Luke!

I'm sorry you're being bullied right now. That sounds really upsetting to face at school. Have you went to the school principal about the bullying and who is bullying you? Hopefully something can be done to improve your experience at school. You should not have to simply deal with being mistreated for no good reason. Along with that, opening up to someone you trust could help you cope with both the bullying and the self-harm issue as you'd have support and someone to talk to, you know? This can be anyone - your parents, a trusted teacher, your school counselor, a family member etc. Just don't be alone.

Especially when you're dealing with a difficult issue such as bullying, self-harm may seem like a helpful outlet but it really isn't in the end as it hurts you more than it helps. I'm sure you know this by now which is why I want to point out that you should be really proud of yourself for reaching out here. Reaching out for help is the first step and it's a big step. I'm sorry the bullying has made you feel like self-harming.

What could be helpful is to find another outlet; several so you have healthier ways to express your emotions. You can do this in lots of ways. Writing poetry, songs/short stories, photography, drawing, painting etc. Look for hobbies and outlets that you enjoy and that you can put your emotions into, you know? Quitting self-harm seems like a difficult task, but since it's how you cope with your emotions then you need a healthier outlet(s) in replacement so you don't end up bottling your emotions up. On that subject, I recommend journaling if you don't already. Simply keep a journal and write down your feelings, thoughts and things going on in your life. This can be a therapeutic outlet.

Distractions and alternatives during urges is important. Here's a list of self-harm alternatives. I suggest reading through the list as it is a big list of things you can do instead when you get urges to self-harm. It also suggests alternatives for dealing with difficult feelings like sadness, anger, loneliness etc. Creating a "go-to" plan for yourself would be a good idea. Basically, have hobbies, distractions and coping techniques that you can resort to whenever you feel like self-harming. Another tip is to exercise when you get urges because exercise releases endorphins which is the effect self-harm has.

Making goals may be a good motivator. You could try to go one week self-harm free then two weeks and so on. Set small goals, reach them then set a longer goal. Remember, each day self-harm free and each urge resisted contributes to your recovery. Relapses are part of recovery so just keep trying, okay? You can do this. Stay strong.
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Re: Help Me? Self Harm... - October 5th 2015, 11:17 PM

Hey Luke!

I'm sorry that you are being bullied. That's never a nice thing to experience. Have you had a talk to someone about the bullying and who is bullying you? You could talk to your parents if you don't feel comfortable talking to a teacher or someone at school, or even talking to an adult in a place of authority. As Ellie said, you might also want to open up about the self harm as well while you are discussing the bullying.

Self harm is never the answer to anything. At the time it seems like a great release, but over time it just becomes addictive and it doesn't help anymore but you still end up doing it. Finding alternatives would be great and not as harmful. Quitting will be hard but it is possible. Just find a suitable alternative that works and change the alternative over time if you need to.

I reckon ignoring the people who tell you that you are copying someone else because obviously they don't know what is actually happening, only you can know that, and if they are not you, then they shouldn't speak into your life. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not tear you down. Finding a good group of friends to hang out with is hard and if you have one, then your all set! You have people who can help you ignore them. If you don't, then you might want to find some friends to help, and if you can't make any friends that are suitable, I'd suggest hanging out in a teachers room or nurse/ chaplains office during lunches so you still have someone there, who can offer you support. You don't even have to tell them why you are there though, but getting someone else to help is very beneficial and it may help more if they knew.

As Ellie said, set goals for yourself and take it a step at a time. You don't want to rush things otherwise everything will seem impossible after 2 minutes.

I hope you manage to get some help with everything and it all goes well for you
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Re: Help Me? Self Harm... - October 8th 2015, 04:54 PM

Hi Luke.

I am so glad you have reached out to us here for some help and I hope we can help you in one way or another.

Going through being bullied can be a really hard thing to manage and I can relate to that from being bullied in the past but know that this isn't going to last okay? I know its hard to cope with but you hurting yourself on top of that isn't going to help and you honestly do not deserve to be causing yourself any more pain or hurt. Self harming isn't going to make the situation you're in any better. It's not going to solve any of the problems you're going through and its certainly not going to help how you are feeling in the long run. But it does become additive and often a lot of us who do self harm find it hard to stop and I would hate it for you to get to that point.

Talking to someone about all of this can really help. You've done great by starting to reach out to us here but you haven't gone into a lot of detail so if you want to talk to us more, then please, feel free too and we'll try our best to help you as much as we can. We're not here to judge you or anything like that. But we do care about you and want whats best for you. It might also be worth talking to someone at your school about how you feel and whats going on. I know that can be scary but it can also really help. Teachers can be really helpful people to talk to and so can school nurses/counselors. Don't be afraid to reach out to these people for some support. They can really help you. And if its school you are being bullied at then know that most schools now have anti-bullying policies in place and do not tolerate any kind of bullying and therefore will have strategies on how to manage the bullying and how to hope you cope with it.

Using general distractions can really help though. Things like listening to music, meeting with friends, writing, reading, cleaning, going out, watching a film, being around others, doing art work etc can just help us focus on something else for a while other than the self harm thoughts and then the self harm thoughts tend to drift off. You can even make your own list of things to do when you are struggling because you know what helps you the best and the most and thats important.

I know all of this is real hard on you right now but know it gets easier and better and that you are never alone in this. Fighting is hard but its also worth it and you ARE worth the fight and so is your future. Just hang on in there and keep at it and don't be alone, ever, especially when you are struggling the most. People can and want to help you but you have to let them in in order for them to do so. Being bullied is a horrible thing, but listen to me when I say you are worth a hell of a lot more than that and don't deserve it at all. Don't let these bullies get you down; instead reach out for help on how to manage and deal with and get help for it too. Beat this and we'll be right behind you all of the way so please don't suffer in silence.

Take good care of yourself and stay strong. You've got this.

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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