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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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xXSweet_LoveXx Offline
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HELP PLEASE - October 11th 2015, 12:19 AM

i feel like im about to crack. my parents dont want me anymore, im going to be 18 and im not allowed to have job, so if they kick me put im screwed. i juyst want to cut, and i havent for a long time, but i cant control it anymore
   
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Re: HELP PLEASE - October 11th 2015, 12:37 AM

Hey there Rina!

Sorry to hear that you're going through a lot and have the urge to cut. No matter how strong the urge it, giving in to it will not solve anything. I'm not sure what actually is going on at home but have you tried talking to them and work things out? Also you mention that you are not allowed to have a job, may I ask why that is? I hope that you find other ways to deal with the urges, rather than just giving in. If you ever want to talk, please do not hesitate to PM/VM me anytime! Hang in there, things will get better!


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Re: HELP PLEASE - October 11th 2015, 07:01 AM

Hey, Rina.

All of this must be really hard for you to go through in the first place then even more difficult having to resist self-harm urges. I'm sorry this is happening.

Do you want to talk more about what happened with your parents? Did you have a fight with them by any chance? Parents can sometimes say hurtful words and make empty threats in the heat of the moment that they do not truly mean. Is there a way to talk to them about this and hopefully resolve/improve some of the issues between you and them? Simple communication, kindness and going about the situation in a calm and mature way can be very effective.

Not knowing what will happen must be really hard for you. In the case that you are kicked out (which I really hope does not happen) then it'd be a good idea to have a plan in place. Do you have any other temporary living options such as a family member or a friend? As for a job, is it okay if I ask why you aren't allowed to get a job? You should be able to submit applications to local vacancies at your age.

You haven't self-harmed in a long time and you should be proud of yourself for that. I know you're going through a lot and things must feel horrible right now so it's understandable to be facing urges. I just want to point out that in the time you have been self-harm free, you must have faced a lot of difficult feelings and urges. Maybe not the same things you're going through now, but still difficult things and you obviously got through them without giving in. Let that remind you that you can get through this too. you're strong enough so don't doubt yourself.

In the meantime, I suggest focusing on taking care of yourself instead. Reach out to people, do nice things for yourself to relieve stress such as a hobby, go for a walk, take a bath, enjoy your favorite snack etc. Do what relaxes and distracts you. Journaling and doing relaxing time-consuming things like puzzles, coloring and other creative hobbies might help. Anything that you can express yourself through and/or at least get immersed in. Even a TV series! Other than personal hobbies and distractions, there is a helpful list of self-harm alternatives (here) you can try out when you're having trouble coping with urges and difficult feelings.

I imagine this must be hard for you but you're stronger than you know, Rina. Hold on and stay strong. You can do this. You're welcome to continue reaching out to us for support and you can also blog as an outlet if that'd help. And of course, you can send me a PM/VM if you need someone to talk to or simply need to vent.
   
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Re: HELP PLEASE - October 11th 2015, 06:50 PM

Hi there.

I want to start by telling you how proud of you I am that you have reached out to us here at Teenhelp. I know reaching out can be hard but you've done really well in doing so and I hope that we can help you in one way or another because you deserve the help and support.

Can I ask you why you feel like your parents don't want you anymore? I know that might be a hard question but it's something I feel like if I knew then I could possibly help you a little bit more, you know? Did you argue or did something else happen? You are more than welcome to talk to me about it if you feel able too and want too so know that I am here to listen to you and to support you as best as I possibly can do, okay? However, if you don't want to talk about it then that's okay too. I can understand why you might not and I will respect your choice as long as you know when and if you are ready, you know we're here.

You say you're eighteen years old and you're not going to be allowed a job. Can I ask why this is. Eighteen year olds are normally allowed to have jobs and this would be the norm so I am wondering why i wouldn't be for you? Its something that helps us to socilise and also helps us to get that part of growing up a little bit and taking care of ourselves and I think that can be very helpful for us. I hope that you don't just want to get a job because you think you're going to be forced to move out of home though. I hope that you work things out with your parents and either manage to stay with them or still work things out but decide moving out would be a positive thing for you to do, not something that is forced upon you.

You say you feel like you are about to crack and that you just want to cut but that you haven' for a long time. I know this is all really hard on you right now but know that you can beat this. All of it. You are a lot stronger than it and you have clearly come a long way by not cutting in a long time and that proves a lot of strength and something you should be proud of yourself for. Keep telling yourself in your head that you can do this because the more you tell yourself it the more you will do it and the more you will believe in yourself too. And you're not alone in this. People love and care about you. We care about you for one. I care about you and if I didn't then I wouldn't be here writing this to you right now. And I'll do whatever I can do to help you through this, whether that's talking to you about what's going on and how you feel, about whats happening, distracting you with random chit chat or anything. We're here, okay?

Have you tried using distractions? I know this can get tedius but I also know it can work if you keep trying them. Its just about finding the ones that work for you and trying new things to find the ones that work for you. But I want to encourage you to keep trying new things, okay? And maybe even try things like writing everything down and drawing on your body, where you feel like self harming in red pen. Little things like that sometimes help people and even though I'm not a big fan of these, holding ice against your skin and flicking an elastic band against your wrist can also help.

Just remember you can get through this and you aren't alone. We'll help you as much as we can do and we're always here to help and listen so don't suffer in silence.

Take good care of yourself,
Jessie


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Last edited by Palmolive; October 11th 2015 at 07:28 PM.
   
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