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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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molly691 Offline
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Yet Again, Another Relapse... - October 14th 2015, 11:49 PM

I wasn't going clean but I didn't feel the need to cut for over a week, maybe? Even though it wasn't planned I still class it as going clean.

However tonight I just went crazy with my blade.

I want to stop completely so bad but I don't even know where to start. I need to turn my life around and get better but sometimes I'm not sure if I even want to get better. Any help would be appreciated

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Re: Yet Again, Another Relapse... - October 15th 2015, 01:41 AM


It definitely still counts as going self-harm free even though you didn't plan to go without it. Every second you go without harming yourself does count for something.

You have the desire to go better and that alone will get you quite far. Things do change quickly, though, and you may feel ready to recover one moment and not ready the next. When you do feel as though you aren't ready to or don't want to, do you know what causes that? Are you afraid of recovery? It's easy for your identity to get tied up in your self-harm but you have to remember that self-harm isn't who you are. It might help to get a sheet of paper, write your name in the middle, and surround it with pictures or writing about your personality traits and hobbies. This will help you see that there's more to you than your struggles. Also consider writing a list of reasons to recover so you can take a look at those when you're struggling.

You said you don't know where to start, so I can give you an idea. I think you should work on identifying your feelings and expressing how you're feeling. Sometimes it can be hard to say "I feel ----" but being able to acknowledge that helps a lot. Consider blogging or journaling, too, so you're not keeping it all inside. Also think about things that trigger you. It can take a while to find your triggers and you might be unaware of them until you find yourself feeling upset. But, once you find them, figure out a way to avoid them or work through them. If arguing triggers you, for instance, you might avoid a person when they are upset or you might decide to continue a conversation when things cool down.

Find some alternatives, too. Maybe you can think of what you want to get out of self-harm. Is it a visual, or a feeling? Figure out what that is, and find alternatives that help you get that same feeling. Find other alternatives by making them specific to certain feelings. If you're anxious, for example, you might use an adult coloring book, a meditation recording, or a blanket to wrap around yourself. If you're angry, you might exercise or listen to angry music.

Try setting some goals. Goal setting isn't something that works for everyone, though, so don't be disappointed if it does not work for you. Start with a small goal, like a week, and work your way toward bigger ones. You can also reward yourself so you'll have something to look forward to. I know I used to let myself purchase a song or two for every week I didn't self-harm.

Don't forget to reach out!

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Yet Again, Another Relapse... - October 15th 2015, 10:24 PM

Hi there.

I agree with what Cassie said, that you have been self harm free. Just because you didn't plan to not self harm, doesn't mean you haven't been self harm free. Well done for doing so, that's amazing! And even more so be so proud of yourself for coming to us here and reaching out for help. You've done so well in doing so and I hope we can help you to kick start this recovery but of course, the work has to come from you although I have no doubt that you can do it.

The main thing is is that you want to beat this. Once you've gotten to that point, I think anything is possible. You have to want it and you do so that's a great start! I think exploring what your triggers are is definitely a good place to be going at the moment. If you can identify them, then you will know them, and you can then plan things to put in place when these things happen so you have things to turn too, instead of self harming. Things that work for you.

Now thats a whole different story because there are so many techniques out there that you can use to help you manage the urges to self harm and I honestly believe it's about trial and error and finding the things that work for you. As hard as it is, you have to keep trying new things and sometimes keep trying old things too. Because not everything is going to work for you at all, or not everything is going to work for you the first time round, you know? So distractions, distress tolerance skills, mindfulness etc can all help. And you can google these online or feel free to message me about them and I can explain a little more about them and what they are if you would like me too. But things like the body scan, breathing exercises, reading, writing, and so on can be really beneficial for some people. You just gotta keep trying things, okay?

Also, talking to people can really help. Now of course we're always here for you 100%. We're not going anywhere! You're always more than welcome to message me if you need a chat or anything, and as a whole, teenhelp is here for you. To talk to, for support, as a distraction and so on. But sometimes having someone in real life to talk too can be really helpful too. So maybe think about that one? Someone such as a friend, a family member, a teacher, your doctor, a school nurse, a tutor etc. All these people care about you and want what is best for you. They all want to help you through this but can only do so if they know what is happening for you. And its okay to let them in, you know? And its okay to be scared about that too because its a big deal. But you can do it. Believe in yourself and have faith.

Maybe write a list of reasons to recover? Things maybe like not to have scars and even to hide fresh wounds, to not have to lie to people, to not have to go through infections, to feel good about yourself, and so on. Make your own list. Things that mean something to you.

This is going to be a hard journey but you can do it. Recovery is possible and so is a life free of self harm. You can beat this, okay? You can get through it and don't be afraid to use people. We're here for you, okay? You're not alone in this.

Hopes and wishes.

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Re: Yet Again, Another Relapse... - October 18th 2015, 02:58 PM


I feel as if there is some sort of trigger for your mood swings... is there anything you think about that causes you to go into some sort of negative mood that leads to harm? I think that all problems are beatable, but it's best if you can come to terms with what causes you to feel down.. and what causes you to think negative thoughts.

We all have these problems on the inside. What matters is how we grow out of it and how much stronger it makes us. I know you're strong.. the fact that you can go a week without a problem means that you can definitely overcome SH entirely. You should probably distract yourself with positive activities like gaming, music, singing or maybe watching some movies and positive youtube videos. These would lead to a better overall mood for you.

I'll always be here for you... we'll be here for you. Don't hesitate to rant or message me at any time i want to hear that things are getting better for you. You are loved!

It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.

rant to me if there's anything!



As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
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October 19th 2015, 08:59 PM

i would like you to personally message me as i could help you a great deal as i feel the same way
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Re: Yet Again, Another Relapse... - October 31st 2015, 12:04 PM

I agree ................
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