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anaelise Offline
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Unhappy finding dealing wifth my emotions difficult - February 17th 2016, 01:51 AM

I'm so confused. I wouldn't say I'm depressed or anything, I'm actually feeling pretty content with my mundane life and nothing is necessarily getting me down, but at the same time I'm feeling incredibly numb and empty and nauseous all the time. It started like a few weeks ago when I had a random urge to self harm (I have gone through this before a few years ago but not recently which is why I'm so confused), and now I'm just feeling itchy and sick when I'm not hurting myself in some way. I haven't been hurting myself badly at all but even so I don't know why I'm being so reliant on it. It's not helping that much so I feel the urge to do it again but worse this time to see if it'll have more of an effect. I know for a fact that stress gets to me really easily and so last year I had counseling to deal with my anxiety and felt really down. I have my a level exams and coursework due and nothing seems to be going the way I planned yet I am taking it pretty badly. I want to stop feeling this way but I don't want anyone I know personally to know because I barely know how I feel and I don't want to start telling people my feelings because frankly even thinking about how I feel makes me feel sick with guilt and hate myself for it. I just think I need advice, literally anything because even typing this is painful for me.
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cynefin Offline
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Re: finding dealing wifth my emotions difficult - February 17th 2016, 05:59 AM

You said this was really hard for you to type and I'm proud of you for leaving your comfort zone to post this. That takes a lot of courage to do. I know you said you don't want anyone to know how you feel because you don't even know how you feel, but other people might be able to help you identify your feelings and what causes them. If talking to people is hard, take small steps. Tell someone you trust something small about what you're going through and then work your way up to larger things so it's gradual. Also remember you can decide what you want people to know about you so you don't have to reveal anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

You said you're stressed and anxious and you were in counseling for a period of time. Did you remember learning any skills to cope with those feelings? Coursework sounds like it is a big part of your stress. Maybe you can find ways to help alleviate it. When schoolwork stresses me out, I usually break it down. I'll do an hour or two of work, or a few assignments, then I'll take a break for a little while. You might benefit from that. Remember to practice self-care, too. Schoolwork can easily get in the way of that but you'll have better academic performance if you are caring for yourself.

You might be feeling ill from your anxiety. That can do a heck of a lot to your body sometimes. A lot of people with anxiety change their breathing pattern without realizing it, and that in turn can cause chest pain or stomach pain. It might be worth practicing a few breathing exercises here and there or looking for some things to help your stomach.

What self-harm alternatives have helped you in the past? I think you should go back to what has helped you, and if that doesn't work, maybe try out some new alternatives. It sounds like you keep some things inside. If you don't talk to someone about it, journal or blog so you're at least getting it out in some way.

Hang in there.

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