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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Oh, Bother Offline
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Why DO I Do This To Myself. - February 27th 2017, 03:12 PM

Before yesterday I was 6 weeks cut free. I felt so happy about it too. Well yesterday I just felt shit. Like I couldn't focus on one thing. I was so anxious and it never dawned on me to take an anxiety pill. Anyways I ended up finding a blade when my grandparents left for awhile. I ended up cutting on my stomach. They were shallow and just sucky. Well later that night I decided to cut more so I did and they weren't as shallow, I also cut FETT into my wrist, which is German for fat. And the right before bed I went over the word on my wrist to make them deeper then I cut even more on my stomach. So now I have over 100 cuts on my body just from one day.

Now I am at school and my stomach and wrist hurt so much and I have no pain killers. Why the hell do I keep doing this to myself? Why the hell did I feel the need to cut over 100 times.

I totally just feel like shit and want to cut even more.



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Re: Why DO I Do This To Myself. - March 1st 2017, 03:13 AM

Six weeks self-harm free is amazing! Remember that even though you've cut recently, you still have those six weeks free. Cutting can't take that or your progress away from you; it still exists. You cut, and you can't go back in time to change that. You can only go forward. You may benefit from practicing self-care. Continue using your skills and alternatives. Every second you spend self-harm free counts. This lapse doesn't define you in any way.

Thinking of you.


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Re: Why DO I Do This To Myself. - March 2nd 2017, 06:24 AM

Congratulations on making it 6 weeks!

Anxiety, stress, it makes the prefrontal cortex shut down, shutting down that part of the brain that normally makes rational decisions about what's in your best interest, allowing the emotional midbrain to take over control. The midbrain wants instant relief, it knows cutting brings relief, so it does that. Later the prefrontal cortex comes back online, realizes what happened, and feels guilty, as if it could have done anything about it.

The key is to find other avenues of relief for anxiety and stress. One option is to make a list of other things that will help deal with stress and anxiety, to keep it at bay, so it doesn't rise to the point where it shuts down the prefrontal cortex part of the brain, which is the part that's preventing the midbrain from doing what it wants.

Having it written down somewhere, where you can refer to it quickly in time of need,may be helpful.

If school is too stressful, skip school; Drop a class; Reduce your workload; ask for an "incomplete" for a grade. See if your school has an organization that helps students who are stressed out and anxious.

I just came from a meeting tonight at our local city college where they have an active organization that helps students with stress, anxiety, other mental wellness problems. I was told all students are offered 6 free counseling sessions each semester. They've also collaborated with the local NAMI center, and with local high school organizations which do the same thing. Our local university has a similar place.

Of course the real cure is to get treatment for the underlying depression problem. Depression is a condition of the body, which is really hard for me to believe, even though I've experienced it so many times myself. It's a very strong illusion that depression is caused by a sucky world I live in. Only problem with that idea is my world keeps changing so fast, from "everything's fine" to "everything's horrible" and back again, up and down, on the emotional roller coaster, I have to admit I seriously don't believe the world around me can actually change that fast. I conclude the problem can't be with the picture, which sometimes looks really bleak, the problem must be with the camera.

So I see a doctor and the doctor prescribes medication which actually works, surprisingly. (I did have to try numerous different ones before finding the one that worked for me.)

Thank you for writing. Writing can be cathartic.

I go to various support groups to keep myself connected with other people. I do meditation. I'd like to do yoga, but I need to find a class that's easy enough for me to do. (Some of them are hard!) The combination seems to work well enough for me right now.

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Re: Why DO I Do This To Myself. - March 3rd 2017, 08:33 PM

Hey!

Six weeks self harm free is incredible and remember just because you have lapsed doesn't take away how well and amazing you have done. You still did it and it is still amazing progress.

We all self harm for different reasons but we all have reasons and normally the thought in our minds despite the reason we do it, is that it will help in the moment. So when we get intense emotions and feel impulsive and low or upset etc, we do what we think will help us and for many people, that can mean self harming.

I think it's now about making and writing a plan of what you can do when you are in that moment when you feel okay, to help you get through those moments with out harming yourself. Does that make sense? So it can involve things like distractions, going to a safe place (physically or/and mentally), people who you can contact, reasons not to self harm and so on.

I hope this helps a little. I know its hard right now but it will get better so keep on fighting. You are worth it!

Hope and wishes,
Jessie


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