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Heathen Offline
Beauty and Bedlam
Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Jordan
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When it's the only way to feel something - June 25th 2017, 09:04 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've been really depressed for the last few weeks. I'm working with my doctor on finding a medication that helps with my depression symptoms but that process takes a while and in the meantime I feel so numb and disconnected from everything. Even things I used to love don't appeal to me anymore.

Yesterday I experienced a really triggering situation which was so upsetting it actually broke through my numbness. Since I hadn't felt in so long though and I was suddenly feeling I didn't know how to cope, so I self-harmed. It wasn't much, just a couple of burns, but it did the trick. After I did it, though, I noticed I felt almost normal, emotionally speaking. There was still a disconnected feeling but it was less overwhelming than it had been before. This increased my desire to SH, so today while everyone was busy I cut myself. It had been many months since I'd cut and I was worried I'd be upset with myself but I wasn't. After I did it I felt normal, just like I did last night after I burned.

Continuing to SH isn't really a viable option. It'll get me put in the psych ward. But what do you do when it's the only thing that makes you feel? How do you stop when it's the closest you get to feeling normal?

The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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Wonderlust Offline
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Re: When it's the only way to feel something - June 26th 2017, 06:36 PM

Wow, this is exactly what I felt. Those last two sentences... I've never read anything that summed up my feelings quite like that. Have you tried any alternatives? I would recommend waxing your hairs or plucking. It gives that same sense of pain, but without the actual SH part. Have you talked to your therapist about this? She may be able to help. If you ever get the urges, try one of the alternatives or bite down really hard on a towel or something. You can also take a pen and scribble really hard on a piece of paper. It'll leave your hand feeling sore. I hope it gets better. PM me if you ever need to talk. ❤️❤️

Life's a tough b**ch, but you are tougher. Go show it who's boss. <lots of love and hugs>
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