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Chaotic_ Offline
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Urges are getting worse. - July 22nd 2017, 07:30 PM

So I've been self-harm free for 3.5 years.
About a year ago the urges started coming back.
A little back story my fiance and I started dating about 3 years ago, so I was in the honey moon, lovey-dovey phase where life is perfect and things like depression just didn't exist for awhile. Fast forward to 3.5 years later, we're engaged, we live together and obviously still love each other, but life is more or less back to ordinary. So the depression slowly came back, and after awhile the self-harm urges slowly came back.
For awhile they were just minor urges, where I could easily just turn on music or something simple and they would stop.
But it's getting worse to the point where I can't make these thoughts go away. To the point where I want to cut.

I realized the only two reasons I haven't done it yet is:

1.) My dad, sister and niece are in town visiting. We're going to an amusement park tomorrow and I want to be able to wear shorts and a tank top and obviously I don't want them to see fresh cuts somewhere on my body.
2.) My fiance. He freaks and gets mad. I don't want to deal with causing him pain, and I could try to hide it but I'm pretty sure he would figure it out. I can't tell if he would be more mad that I'm cutting again, or if he found out I was lying about it. Honestly, if I were and I wanted him to know I would probably bring him to my counseling session because it would be a safe space to tell him.

The thought is, I'm good until tomorrow. After tomorrow I'm worried that I'll give in. I've been so close. I know that if I do I'll have to tell my counselor ASAP, and that's going to be really hard but at the same time I just want to make this pain stop. I know it's not the right choice, I know it doesn't really even help. I guess even just a temporary fix is where I'm currently sitting.
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cynefin Offline

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Re: Urges are getting worse. - July 24th 2017, 02:37 PM

You said you know that cutting is a temporary fix and doesn't help in the long run. The fact that you can talk about it in that way despite struggling with it right now is good.

Would it help to make plans after the amusement park tomorrow? Some people really benefit from planning different things so they don't give into self-harm urges. You can plan to do anything, no matter how large or small. For instance, you could clean out your closet, take a walk, or go out to lunch somewhere.

When's your next counseling appointment? Maybe you could tell your counselor you're having self-harm urges and you could consider bringing your fiancé to the session to let him know you're feeling that way (as opposed to telling him if you do self-harm). Your fiance could offer some support to help with the urges to cut.

You could also try to make a list of other reasons why you shouldn't cut in addition to what you've listed to see if that helps. See if you can make some reasons more geared to yourself (e.g. I don't deserve to be harmed).

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