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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Friend thinks I'm doing it for attention - October 5th 2017, 05:43 AM

I wear long sleeves but I went to my friends birthday party and the blouse I was wearing was loose, even at the sleeves so I think my sleeves slipped up without me realizing it and my friend told me 4 days later at school that after I left the party, people were talking about it. She only found out I self harm a day before her party,,, so all this is pretty fresh & new to her and she's still trying to make sense of it. I feel bad for even telling her cuz it really effected her and I can tell it's taking a toll on her psychologically (were SUPER close and tell each other everything.)

Anyways at school when she told me they talked about it I was shocked. I told her I had absolutely no idea people noticed them.
"Well, you do a pretty $h!t job of hiding them." she blurted out. I can tell she felt bad right after she said it but I mean, I guess that's how she truly felt inside and didn't want to tell me.
I feel like she thinks I do it for attention. It's humiliating because she probably assumes I want pity and from others and I'm just using the excuse of self harm as a way to victimize myself.

Even before I told her I self harmed, whenever we ever talked about the topic of cutting and stuff, she always said she strongly felt that it was attention seeking behavior.

I'm embarrassed. She assured me that when people "talked about" me after I left the party, it wasn't in a bad way and they didn't think poorly of me. I believe her.
She just said that people there were really concerned though and I guess they wanted to make sure I'm okay.
I'm really really embarrassed. She even offered to give me some of her makeup today to help cover it up,,,, she must really think I'm showing them off on purpose and trying to get people's attention (
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Re: Friend thinks I'm doing it for attention - October 5th 2017, 02:51 PM

I am so sorry to hear that this happened! I think that a lot of this is because this whole thing is new to her so she may not know much about what self harm is or why people do it, or that it's not some attention-seeking type thing.

Do you think that when things cool down a little bit you may be able to talk to her somewhere private and explain a little more about what self harm actually is and why people do it, and dispel some of the myths? Maybe you can try and show her some pamphlets or other educational material on the subject, because that would show you're not the only one.

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Re: Friend thinks I'm doing it for attention - October 5th 2017, 03:38 PM

Hi, I am sorry that you are having a hard time with this right now. I agree when others find out about self harm they either get really scared or angry because they don't know a lot about it and they are not sure how to help you. If you can talk with you're friend about this when no one is around and say what is going on with you. Try you're best to stay calm and just talk from you're heart. And if you are going to have a hard time saying this you can also write it down on paper and let you're friend read it. Hopefully they will understand why and not be so hard on you for this. Also when you feel like you are going to do this can you go for a walk or put on music or a funny TV show or get a rubber bander or hair tie and put it around you're wrist and snap it to get you're mind off of this. I hope that you will be ok soon.
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Re: Friend thinks I'm doing it for attention - October 5th 2017, 10:08 PM

thanks guys!
actually she is well-aware / educated about self harm. She has a stepsister who struggled tremendously with it (her case was pretty serious)
and she has some other friends that did it a while ago stopped. I've known this girl for a while now (we both went to the same elementary school so we're pretty close) so like i tell her everything,,, thats why i opened up to her about this. it kind of hurt that she indicated she thought i was doing it for attention, like i was crying out for pity from other people or something.

oh well. i seriously regret telling her ://
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Re: Friend thinks I'm doing it for attention - October 6th 2017, 07:15 AM

Thank you for the story.

I noticed half way through the story it switched to your thoughts about what you feel she is thinking.

That's a key transition right there to make note of.

Heck I do it all the time too.

I've never figured it out. But I'm sure the answer lies there somewhere.

Of course I don't know what other people are thinking, but that doesn't stop me from arriving at a conclusion of what I believe they are thinking.

I'm pretty sure my conclusion has something more to do with what I'm feeling and what mood I'm in, rather than what other people are actually thinking.

Hopefully some people are educated enough to understand. I know every person I've ever met who has those cut marks does everything they can to hide it, so the theory that people do it for attention just conflicts with the facts.

(And when you feel better, some day in the future I hope, you won't care about the marks so much anymore. They'll just be old scars of a time past that you can hand wave away as nothing important. People who recognize them will understand. Everyone else won't recognize them and so won't notice. [Because people tend to not see what they can't explain. Their mind doesn't attach any importance to it.])

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Re: Friend thinks I'm doing it for attention - October 6th 2017, 11:30 AM


So in my experience unless the person has been through it themselves, they usually will not understand. Even if she has had a sister and friends that have done it before. I don't think people are well educated on this subject.

My advice would be to let things settle a little bit then maybe bring it up to her again and ask her if she would like some information on it. If she says yes then I would give it to her so she can educate herself. If she says no then I would just leave it at that.

I am really sorry that you are going through this. if you ever need to talk my PM/VM is always open.

Your Friend,

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Re: Friend thinks I'm doing it for attention - October 6th 2017, 11:43 PM

Thank you so much for helping me guys !

One last question , though:

Today after I came back from school I was in the shower and I took out my blade I use for cutting (broke a [edited], took the blade part out, and use that to self injure),,,, anyways I sliced up my thighs but in two spots I went really deep, deeper than usual. After it hurt soooooo bad much more than how it usually feels when I cut , so I washed it really well and washed my legs with soap which burned like hell b I wanted to make sure it was clean Andy wouldn't get infetced.

Is it bad that I put soap on fresh cuts? Will it get even more infected ? I just wanted to keep it clean

Last edited by cynefin; October 7th 2017 at 11:14 PM. Reason: Removing information that could give ideas.
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Re: Friend thinks I'm doing it for attention - October 7th 2017, 11:13 PM

Hey there,

Sometimes cleaning fresh cuts is painful and it would make sense for it to burn, especially because you went a little deeper than you usually do. Using soap on fresh cuts is fine; it is often more preferable than using other methods to keep them clean such as rubbing alcohol. What kind of soap did you use on them? If you're concerned, you could try a mild bar soap and see how that does.

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