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Unhappy Lying to therapist... - October 26th 2017, 04:56 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So, I'm getting cleared from therapy in a week. I'm excited. I can't wait to get out of it, its something I dread going to.

But I've been lying to her for a while. She has no idea I still contemplate cutting everyday, and that I have suicidal thoughts. And that my friends had to talk me out of the idea of suicide.

I lie straight to her face every week, and yes I know it is bad, but at the same time, it is worth it. I can lose weight however I want. As well as she won't look into my anxiety to much and make me confront my problems, which just leads to more anxiety.

As proud as I am for being three months clean, I feel a bit nervous about whats going to happen when I'm cleared. I mean, my two friends can tell you I am anything but okay, I just put on an act around everyone, and I've started lying to my closest friends again.

I really want to make it to a year clean to get a tattoo, but I'm scared. Because I miss cutting. I miss the way it made me feel, and how they looked afterward. And I know I shouldn't miss it and everyone tells me I'm better off, but my anxiety is just getting worse and i just feel stuck.

Stuck in a shity school with jerks and theres too much pressure and I'm drowning. And I don't want to fall into old habits, but I haven't thrown out my cutting object yet, and my friends keep saying I should, but I'm not ready. That thing is a reminder that its there if I need it.

I just don't know what to do... Please help.

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Re: Lying to therapist... - October 26th 2017, 07:18 AM

Your therapist and treatment team cannot help you if you are not honest. It seems as though you are struggling and the best thing you could do is have an open and honest discussion with your therapist. If you don't feel like going every week, maybe you could go twice a month instead.

It sounds like you don't want to fall back into old habits but are concerned you will. If you still want to be cleared maybe you could, at the very least, discuss your concerns with your therapist and come up with a plan in case you start to spiral out of control.

Honesty is hard, especially when you dislike therapy but one of the best ways to get help and to overcome these things is to be honest with the people who are able to support you and help you find coping tools.

Best of luck.

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Re: Lying to therapist... - October 27th 2017, 02:24 PM

Honesty in therapy can be very hard but as it has been said, you cannot fully benefit from therapy if you’re not honest to your therapist because your therapist will not be able to help you in the way that you need it.

Maybe you could consider writing her a note if you don’t want to be completely honest with her verbally? Writing a note is a lot easier sometimes and it would leave her to start the conversation instead of you.

It is okay that you haven’t thrown your tool out yet. Deciding when to do that is a personal decision and a step that many people don’t take until later in their recovery. It is understandable that the presence of that tool serves as a safety net and that’s all right for now. Just remember, however, that even though you have that tool, it doesn’t mean that you have to use it.

Perhaps if you feel unsafe you could give it to one of your friends to temporarily hold for you until you feel ready to be near it again.

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