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Insomniac~ Offline
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Unhappy Becoming a need again instead of a want - January 23rd 2018, 07:06 PM

I've been self-harming since I was 12/13 (am currently 20) and have been clean for almost a year. This is the longest I've been without harming myself and I am starting to lose it. It's easier when you can tell yourself that you just WANT to hurt yourself, at least then you can blame your addictive mind and move along. The issue is when it becomes a perceived NEED. I know, logically, I don't need to harm myself to continue to live, I also know how unhealthy it is for me. I still feel the need to do it. The need to go back down that rabbit hole of hiding, lying, and self-harming.

I'm seeing a therapist and psychiatrist, the therapist was recently made aware that I am still struggling with self-harm and is trying to find me resources (support groups, some of y'all know the drill) but I don't know if that's enough. My body and mind are obsessed with thoughts of self-destruction and I don't know how long I can keep them at bay.

I don't know what I'm hoping to get out of this post but maybe some suggestions? I swear the older I get the worse the self-harm urges become. I am currently overwhelmed with feelings of sadness which is NOT the typical emotion I express (normally express anger, not sadness).

Thank you for listening to my rambling,


Side note: My phone is broken and I will not have a replacement for quite a while so I can't call any help lines (including the one on this site).

Last edited by Insomniac~; January 24th 2018 at 05:37 AM.
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cynefin Offline

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Re: Becoming a need again instead of a want - January 25th 2018, 01:53 PM

It can be really hard when self-harm becomes a need instead of just something you want. Those feelings can sometimes lead to obsessing and that can make it very difficult to get them out of your mind.

When I feel this way I personally keep as busy as I can. I do whatever I can, no matter how big or small, to stay on my feet and keep my mind occupied. For instance, you can read, take a walk, reorganize things; you can write, watch a movie, or go for a drive. Whatever keeps your mind occupied.

Something else you can try is emulating self-harm. You could write on yourself or make fake injuries with red marker, pen, or body paint. It isn't the same but it could look similarly and perhaps give you some kind of relief without actually harming yourself.

TeenHelp has a new alternatives feature at the top right of your page, next to the Safety Zone. It is a really helpful resource that you can check out if you'd like.

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Juvan2000 Offline
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Re: Becoming a need again instead of a want - February 7th 2018, 12:05 PM

You better consult a therapist.
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