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outofbreath Offline
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outofbreath's Avatar
Name: Olivia
Age: 22
Gender: Female

Posts: 81
Blog Entries: 112
Join Date: January 22nd 2012

Relapse. - February 5th 2018, 08:47 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I never thought I'd be this lonely for this long.
I want to get high. I need to feel something.
I went so deep and I didn't feel anything until now. It scared me actually. Now I know how numb I really am.
5 hours later, it finally hurts. Not much but yeah. Everytime I move, it starts bleeding again. Which is alarming for some people. But I really don't care.
It'll stop by morning I'm sure.

Not a single friend. Not a single family member. No one guys. No one.
I went to school on Saturday and I felt like I was drowning in that room. Every single person talking to someone else. Then theres me, pathetically alone in a fucking corner.
Everytime I tried to get into the conversation, I was ignored. Every time.
Everyone saw I was struggling.
No one cared.
I'm not asking for pity.
Just a goddamn friend. A real one. Not one you only talk to online. Not one that you only interact with at school or work. A real, ride or die, call/hang every other night friend.
It seems that everybody has one. Good and rude people all have at least one legit friend.
So what the fuck is wrong with me?
I've tried clubs, I have tried putting myself out there. I have tried guys, holy shit trust me.
I am 20 in one month and I have 0 people even remotely in my corner.
I am so alone. I am so strong to have made it 20 years alone.
But I just don't see a point anymore.
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