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PoeticJessie Offline
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Little Sister - April 2nd 2018, 04:40 AM

I just found out tonight that my baby sister, who lives about 12 hours away from me with her biological mom, has been going through something. I have no idea what's going on or what's led up to her issues, but something's wrong.

Last week, I found out that I'm pregnant. I told my mom on Wednesday after I got off of work, and on Thursday, she apparently spoke with my little sister's biological mom in Florida. At that point, she found out that Luisa (my little sister) has been getting into a lot of trouble recently. She has apparently run away from home several times, she's failing all of her classes, and she was recently caught having an extremely graphic sexual conversation with a boy through text messages. She's thirteen.

Well, tonight, I came home from a family dinner at my Dad and stepmom's house. My mom had once again heard from my little sister's mother, and she didn't have very good news. My little sister is really upset about my pregnancy because she's scared that I won't love her anymore now that I've got a baby on the way. I can understand that. Her mother has six other kids, and has, in the past, just dumped her off with my mom for months on end, so I can understand some issues with abandonment. It'd be odder if she didn't have these issues, and honestly, if the situation wasn't as bad as it is, a good conversation with lots of reassurances would probably do the trick. It's worked in similar situations (like when I started dating back when I was around fifteen or sixteen when I got engaged to my now ex-fiance, and when I once again became seriously involved with my current boyfriend.) So, when I was told that she wasn't thrilled about the pregnancy, I was a little peeved that her mother told her to begin with. I wanted to tell her myself because of her abandonment issues, and so I could immediately have the conversation I figured would be necessary to keep her from being too upset about the baby. The annoyance passed, and I starting thinking about the best way to reassure that even with the new baby, she's still my baby sister and I'll always love her and be there for her, etc.

Then my mom told me something else that honestly just makes the whole situation even worse than I thought it was. My little sister is self-harming. I don't know how long it's been going on. I don't know what in her life is causing this, and I don't know how to help her. Her phone has been taken away because of the sexting situation, so I've got to go through her mom to reach her, which shouldn't be a problem, but it also really limits how much I can talk to her, and quite possibly what she'll say to me. I don't know how to help her. I don't know what to do or say to pull her out of whatever is causing this, and I feel guilty.

I feel guilty that I've been so wrapped up in my own life that I didn't notice that her texts and calls were being less frequent. I thought she was just being a normal teenager and not wanting to be up her big sister's ass all the time anymore because "it's not cool" to have such a close relationship with anyone in your family at that age. I didn't think about it possibly meaning that something was wrong, that something was going on in her life. I feel like if I'd noticed, I could've said something to her or her mother. I could've realized something was wrong before it got this bad.

I don't know what to do. I love her so much, and there's nothing I can do to help her that I know about. I went through some hard times when I was only a little older than her. I was depressed, I self-harmed, and at one point, I was suicidal. I don't want her to go through the same struggles with depression, bipolar, and anxiety that I went through, but it's starting to look like there's nothing I can do to help her.
   
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Re: Little Sister - April 2nd 2018, 02:49 PM

It's unfortunate that you didn't get to tell your sister about your pregnancy in the way that you had originally wanted to. Maybe you can talk to your sister when you get the chance and tell her about everything you said here; that you'll always be there for her and your baby won't change that.

It is not your fault for not noticing. If anything, a lot of people who self-harm want it to be under the radar. Perhaps she stopped texting you and calling you due to some depression or a desire to keep you at a distance.

It's kind of hard to say something to pull her out of it because she has to be the one to pull herself out. But, you can offer your support and maybe share your own experience. Perhaps you can discuss different alternatives and resources she can utilize when she's feeling badly.

Hope you get to talk to your sister soon and feel free to keep us updated.


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Re: Little Sister - April 5th 2018, 02:21 AM

Hey there,

To be completely honest all you can do is let her know you love her and that the baby won't prevent you from loving her. I have a niece who is only slightly younger than me. She is like a little sister and while she was going through stuff I did what I could to reach out.

I know you sister lives far away but maybe you could try and ask her if she'd like to be involved in the pregnancy. Maybe her being involved will lead to more excitement.

As for the self harm, encourage her to seek help. Maybe encourage her to blog or journal. I also don't think it's your fault for not noticing people that are struggling tend to be really good at hiding it.

I know it's difficult but all you can do is let her know you love her. If she doesn't have a phone maybe you can do snail mail and send her cards and things like that. The more she knows she is cared for the better it would be for her.

Best regards.


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Re: Little Sister - April 15th 2018, 12:11 PM

Hi,

I'm sorry that your sister didn't find out about the pregnancy how you had planned it to be told. With regards to your sister feeling like she won't be loved by you when the baby comes, you could talk to her and explain to her that she will always be your sister and that you will always love her. You could also go shopping with your sister and get her to choose some outfits for the baby as having your sister involved to pick out clothes might help her feel happier about your pregnancy and will also show her that you do love her.

It must be hard finding out that your sister self-harm , but please remember it is not your fault as people tend to hide what they are going through. You encourage her to seek support such as counselling. Also you could talk to her about your experiences of self-harm and what alternatives you used as that will show her that she doesn't have to go through this on her own.


I understand that your sister lives far away. You could keep in touch with her by writing letters, emails or messaging her. Sending her cards can help as well. Also just reminding her that she is loved , will help her as she will know that people do care about her.


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