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Dust and Ash

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Unhappy And I spoke too soon. - April 4th 2018, 07:16 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

*putting a trigger warning just in case*

Well, yesterday I made a post on how I've been clean for 2 weeks. I spoke too soon, because I relapsed last night. I told my friend and apologized over and over again, but she told me that she thought I wasn't sorry because I still self-harmed, but that it was all good.
I feel so disappointed in myself. I tried so hard but I failed. I don't even know why I did it.
But it isn't terribly bad. Just light. But the fact that I still did it makes me upset.
I couldn't even eat last night because of it. I don't even really feel like I deserve to eat or to feel like I can be better. I don't know. I just thought I should post this.


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Re: And I spoke too soon. - April 4th 2018, 07:32 PM

Relapses happen sometimes. It doesn't mean you're a bad person and I do believe that you are sorry about it. I understand feeling upset but having gone two weeks is excellent and you should still be proud of making it that far because it shows that you can do this! Maybe use this as motivation to try and go even longer next time, even if it's just two weeks and a day. And try and reward yourself for going the two weeks. I know it's hard to relapse, but it doesn't cancel out all the success you had and the effort you put in.

I know you didn't know why you relapsed and that's okay. Sometimes it is hard to tell. Do you think for the future it can help to keep a journal? You can write anything in it whether it's related to feeling triggered or not. Journals can help because they allow you to get out everything you're thinking and feeling. But it's also good because it can help you start noticing triggers. You can write down things like the date and time you're feeling a certain way (such as triggered), where you were, and what was going on. Then, when you're feeling a bit better you can look through this journal again and see if you can find any patterns or events that may be triggering you. From there it might be easier to get advice on specific things that are happening.

This is a link to our alternatives and coping mechanisms. Maybe you'll find a few more here that work for you? I know you have the butterfly project which is excellent! But it can definitely help to have multiple in case one doesn't work as well.

You deserve recovery. You deserve happiness. You deserve to be able to look back one day and say that you did it. Sometimes it can be hard to see it, but I mean it. Maybe write down all the reasons you have to recover for the days you need a reminder. We can help you come up with some if you need.

I know you can do this.


Let it come and let it be...

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Dust and Ash

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Re: And I spoke too soon. - April 4th 2018, 07:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Onism. View Post
Relapses happen sometimes. It doesn't mean you're a bad person and I do believe that you are sorry about it. I understand feeling upset but having gone two weeks is excellent and you should still be proud of making it that far because it shows that you can do this! Maybe use this as motivation to try and go even longer next time, even if it's just two weeks and a day. And try and reward yourself for going the two weeks. I know it's hard to relapse, but it doesn't cancel out all the success you had and the effort you put in.

I know you didn't know why you relapsed and that's okay. Sometimes it is hard to tell. Do you think for the future it can help to keep a journal? You can write anything in it whether it's related to feeling triggered or not. Journals can help because they allow you to get out everything you're thinking and feeling. But it's also good because it can help you start noticing triggers. You can write down things like the date and time you're feeling a certain way (such as triggered), where you were, and what was going on. Then, when you're feeling a bit better you can look through this journal again and see if you can find any patterns or events that may be triggering you. From there it might be easier to get advice on specific things that are happening.

This is a link to our alternatives and coping mechanisms. Maybe you'll find a few more here that work for you? I know you have the butterfly project which is excellent! But it can definitely help to have multiple in case one doesn't work as well.

You deserve recovery. You deserve happiness. You deserve to be able to look back one day and say that you did it. Sometimes it can be hard to see it, but I mean it. Maybe write down all the reasons you have to recover for the days you need a reminder. We can help you come up with some if you need.

I know you can do this.
Thanks. I'm trying to find reasons to recover already, but it is really difficult. I mean I can't go to my parents because they'll just tell me to get something sharper so I can go deeper. And I've tried journals, but my mom reads them and ends up burning them because she thinks that I make stuff up. I do have one journal that she doesn't know about, but I only use it to write poems.


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Re: And I spoke too soon. - April 4th 2018, 07:43 PM

Is there any way you can do it online? For example, in a blog here?


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Re: And I spoke too soon. - April 4th 2018, 08:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Onism. View Post
Is there any way you can do it online? For example, in a blog here?
Hm... yeah, actually I can.


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Re: And I spoke too soon. - April 5th 2018, 02:10 AM

I think blogging here would be an excellent idea. Another thing you could consider is writing things down and then ripping them up when you are done.

If you have a phone you might be able to write things there and delete them when you feel the need.

I am sorry your parents treat you the way that they do. You do not deserve that treatment.

If you need anything please feel free to message me.


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