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Jess~ Offline
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i ruined everything - May 30th 2018, 05:45 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

last night is seriously a blur. i didn't feel like i was real and i didn't feel like i was in control of my own body. it was kind of just moving on its own and i just had to watch.



i was just over a year clean from self harm and i cut really bad last night. i hate myself and i'm so mad at myself for ruining it. it was so stupid and idk why i did that.
i have this really bad feeling that i just fucked up everything. i don't know how i'm going to go to work and be able to cover it up. the cuts aren't very deep but there's a lot of them. 19 cuts.. i'll probably just wear a big bandaid, but that's going to be super obvious. i have this irrational fear that i'm going to be fired for it and they're going to send me away to a mental institution.



is there anything i can put on it to make it heal faster? and will a bandaid be good to cover it up or should i try to use makeup?


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
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Re: i ruined everything - May 30th 2018, 05:56 PM

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way, Jess!

As for what you can do, it really depends on where you've cut. Maybe you can wear a pretty wrist sleeve (like when you have a cast) or bracelets? I don't know if you already wear those; so if you don't, that might be out of the ordinary. Or you can wear three-quarter length sleeves. Not sure where you are or if it gets super hot there (or is already) but perhaps a tank-top and a light-weight three quarter (or full length) sleeve might work.

I would never bandage an injury. I've always been told to let it air out.

Last edited by Celestial.; May 31st 2018 at 12:21 AM.
   
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Re: i ruined everything - May 30th 2018, 06:03 PM

it's on my forearm close to the inner elbow and goes up to about the halfway mark on my forearm. even if i could wear bracelets, they'd probably slip down since it's so far up my arm. and it is extremely hot here right now, and at my job i have to collect shopping carts from the parking lot in the heat, so i'd prefer to avoid wearing a long sleeve under my work uniform.


i will put peroxide on it though. thank you so much


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Re: i ruined everything - May 30th 2018, 11:01 PM

Do not use hydrogen peroxide on your cuts. It doesn’t actually clean it and only irritates the wounds. Instead use antibacterial soap and warm water, then apply antibiotic ointment. You do need to keep them covered to prevent infection. Do you have any arm covers, like athletic ones? They may be more lightweight than regular sleeves and will still cover the wounds. Other than that I’d say your best option is long sleeves. I know it sucks because of the heat but it will draw the least suspicion.


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Re: i ruined everything - May 31st 2018, 12:05 AM

Hey there,

I agree with Jordan about the hydrogen peroxide; I've always been told it can irritate the wound and interfere with healing. I would also advise against antibacterial ointment if the wounds are open. You can check the back of the antibacterial ointments but the ones I've used have specified not to use on open wounds. You said your wounds aren't that deep but there are a lot so if the wounds are not open you should be fine. You can check the back of the antibacterial ointments because they might not all have the warning about open wounds. When in public you should keep the wounds covered; I know some people advise against keeping wounds covered for long periods of time but when you are in public please keep them covered because it will help with healing and it will prevent the wounds from coming into contact with germs. I've always been told to keep my wounds covered in public at least.

As for hiding them, there are lightweight arm sleeves you can get. I have also been able to get arm warmers on a few different sites. I don't know if they'd ship to you in time though but you might be able to spend more and get them delivered sooner. I know I recently ordered some light weight undershirts that are long sleeve. I believe they are sweat wicking material and I was told that will help with the heat. It might be possible for you to find long sleeve shirts that are similar material. I know it sucks but if you can't find arm warmers then it is likely your best bet would be to wear long sleeves. You might be able to find some relatively thin 'layering' shirts too.

Best regards.


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Re: i ruined everything - May 31st 2018, 08:20 AM

Hey,
So first off I want to say congrats on the year. I know it seems like the end when you screw that up and end up cutting after that long. Instead of looking at it like well I effed up so now there is no point of stopping, look at it like this: It was just one slip up and it doesn't have to define my struggle with this. I say just dust yourself off and start fresh.



I will also say I have experienced what you explained and I would resort to cutting to bring myself back. But I have learned there are a lot of other ways to bring myself back, holding ice, snapping a rubber band on my wrist(But not to the point where it bruises, cuts, or welts).



I used to wear fishnet arm warmer type things when it was hot and I had open cuts. Because you can't see them threw them. I also will put an ace bandage around my arm and just say I have hurt it. And most people do not question it at all. But I'm not sure if that would work for where they are. I agree with the two above me that you want to keep them covered while they heal. I also use neosporin on mine even if they are open and it works and helps them heal faster.


I hope this has helped. If you ever need to talk I am just a PM/VM away.



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Re: i ruined everything - June 2nd 2018, 02:42 AM

thank you all for the advice!

i wasn't able to find any of the arm warmers unfortunately. i have been putting vaseline and coconut oil on it each night and it seems like it's been working. they're already starting to scab over and fade so hopefully it won't be too long that i have to worry about them.



i bought a pack of extra large bandaids that are able to cover the entire area. only thing is it's super obvious and eye-catching and i know that, at the very least, a few of my coworkers will ask about it. maybe even some customers, since i do cashier sometimes.

i don't know of a good lie to use. i've thought about saying i got bit by a dog or something, but what if they ask more questions like how it happened and all that.

i was also thinking of saying it's a spider bite and it just looks gross so i don't want people to see it, but i don't know. any suggestions?


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Re: i ruined everything - June 2nd 2018, 03:16 AM

good job with a year that great! im almost there as well.
for bandgeing i wouldnt i used to just use rubbing achol and let it air out. but if do bandage it and people ask about here are some suggestion.
1. if you have any pets like a cat or dog you could say you were playin with them and they scratched you by mistake.
2. you were choping veggies and you cut yourself.
3. you fell and scrapped up your arm.
hope this helps good luck
   
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Re: i ruined everything - June 3rd 2018, 10:47 AM

Hey,


Don't use rubbing alcohol.You can google it but rubbing alcohol and hydrogen peroxide do the same thing. You can harm the tissue that way and delay healing. I think that some of the excuses you came up with were good. I once knew someone that got s pretty bad spider bite and they chose to keep it covered. If you go the dog bite route you could just explain that you aren't comfortable going into detail because it's still a traumatic experience because it was so unexpected. A few other ones is you could say you burnt yourself and you are covering it to keep it clean while you are working.

I don't know if a ton of people will ask questions and if they do you don't have to supply and answer. As long as you are polite about it such as saying 'it happened a while ago and I'd rather not think about it' should be fine.

Best regards.


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