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Effy2018 Offline
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Name: Michaela
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Want to tell her - February 7th 2019, 10:14 AM

I have started a course that is supposed to help with my mental health, confidence, self esteem and different things. My tutor is really nice but she knows I am struggling. I really want to talk to her about things but how do I tell her that I am self harming? I'm scared of what her reaction might be. She said I can call or text her any time but I am just too terrified and when I go to speak to her face to face I either bottle it or can't get my words out and look like an idiot. I just need someone to talk to, when I go to text her I just end off deleting the text before I even send it. I really don't know how to tell her I'm terrified that she might not understand even though its a course specifically for mental health. People in my class know there is something wrong as well and I only have a week of the course left and I really don't know what to do.

My tutor said I have to keep in touch with her when the course is over so she can make sure that I am okay, but even when I am not okay I say that I am because I don't want her or my class mates to worry. I honestly am struggling to tell her even though I really want to.
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Re: Want to tell her - February 11th 2019, 04:32 PM

Hi Michaela,

It's understandable that you would feel nervous about discussing self-harm with your tutor; this is a very personal subject and one that's very difficult to talk about. I'm so glad you're considering reaching out for support, though!

Have you considered writing her a letter? Sometimes I find that I express myself better through writing, and this way you don't have to worry about being able to get your words out. As you said, your tutor knows something is up and wants you to reach out to her - after all, that's what she's there for! I'm sure she will be grateful that you let her know what's going on, and given that this is a course specifically for mental illness, I'm sure she will understand.

Your classmates are also there for a reason, and I imagine they will be very sympathetic and understanding based on their own personal experiences. I can understand not wanting to worry others, but remember that the more you share and participate in the course, the more progress you will make in the long-run, and the healthier you will become.

Above all, remember that it's okay to reach out for help! Often when we don't reach out when we need to, the problem ends up continuing to get worse. Reaching out now will help you to nip it in the bud and get the support you need to help you get back on track; I see it as a preventative measure, in a way. I don't believe that recovery is about never struggling again - I believe it's about learning to recognize when you're struggling and learning to cope both through learned skills and by asking for outside support. Sometimes being honest is the strongest thing you can do, so please don't feel like you have to be 'strong' for others by keeping this to yourself.

I hope this helps a bit.

Last edited by Recommencer; February 12th 2019 at 02:52 PM.
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Re: Want to tell her - February 16th 2019, 04:06 PM

Hello, I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this right now and hope that you will be alright soon. When we have been self-harming it can be hard to open up and let someone in who we truly trust. We are not always sure what they are going to say back to us and this can upset us. Please try to not be upset about this, I know easier said than done. Can you talk tell someone in your class about this who your friends with? You said that you trust your tutor and you like talking with her. Also that she's very nice and that's really good to have somebody that you can trust and are able to talk with all the time. When you are ready to talk to her about this ask her to meet you somewhere where it is just the two of you and you don't have anyone around you and let her know that you need to tell her something that you've been going through. You can say you're not sure how to say it and then just tell her what's going on. If you cannot think of what to say you can say, you have been asking me what's wrong and I'm scared of telling you this, I self harm and it's hard for me to tell others about this and let them in or something like that or whatever you are feeling. Or like was said up above you can write her a letter and put everything in it and then the two of you can talk about it when she is done reading this. Telling someone this is really brave and you can do it and you do it when you are ready. Also whatever she says back, try to be calm, she sounds nice. Then after try to do something to help pick you up for a while. Going to the mall, or reading or grabbing coffee or lunch or putting on music or something else that you enjoy doing to help you out for a while. I wish you the best wish this. Sending you hugs to help.

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