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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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I don't feel right - February 10th 2019, 03:27 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Had a post in "Depression" thread and just thought I'd kinda repost it hear with some more details at the end.

Now it's been such a long time since I've cut. I feel the urge so incredibly badly, I want to cry, I want to cut... I need to feel something! Want the background read the following.

("They say I'm bipolar, likely have seasonal affective disorder, bloody perk of living in frigid wastelands of the north. These things are likely all unrelated to how I'm feeling now. I'm not exactly single, a friend of mine started flirting with me, they didn't know, it's not their fault. I froze up, had a panic attack, I wanted to tell them it wasn't right and I wasn't single right then and there but I couldn't. I am a bad person, I wanted it maybe? I told them later, but I'm certain they are mad at me. I told my partner too, partner is just mad at us both apparently, not either of our faults. After the whole thing, one way or the other I'm certain my friend is mad at me, or at least, thinks differently of me, I fear I screwed something up badly. Even if this friend wasn't made at me for not returning their affection, again, I think the events that followed make me look like a real mess. No one in this group of friends has ever seen me like this and I feel I just made everything all strange and awkward and ruined my credibility in their eyes, at least the way they saw it. I don't feel like I am normal around them anymore, feel like they are mad at me. I really just want to cry, this happened 2 months ago nearly and I've been a wreck ever since. I didn't want any of this ='( I just wanted to have fun and be myself and now it seems I can't let myself be normal. I need to cry.")
   
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Re: I don't feel right - February 10th 2019, 02:09 PM

Heya

I'm sorry that you're feeling the need to self harm. Have you tried alternative methods? I know that you want to feel something right now but hurting yourself isn't worth it. I know. You could squeeze ice in your hand until it melts, squeezing the ice is kinda painful because it stings. I don't know if you can go to a gym or something, but if you could, maybe sign up for a 24 hour gym membership where you can punch out your feelings on a boxing bag.

I hope you're feeling better now. If you want, message me anytime.


breathe. it's just a bad day, not a bad life.
   
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Re: I don't feel right - February 10th 2019, 04:22 PM

One of the things I try to remember about cutting, or any form of self-harm, is that it's a short-term gain with longterm consequences. Sure, it may make you feel better in the moment, maybe even make you feel something, but in the end it never really works. Those feelings don't last. And what's left is lies and broken promises and addiction. I don't know about you but most people I know don't want that.

I recommend alternatives, too. There's a great alternatives list in the sticky section (I don't know how to link to it but someone else might); I know it's helped me before. There's also Calm Harm, which is an app for your phone. It helps offer alternatives to self harm that are tailored to your specific needs. You can even rate whether something works or not and it will keep track of that. It's very handy.

I don't think you're a bad person for what happened. It sounds like you froze up. That's a normal reaction. I would suggest fact checking with people about whether or not they are mad at you. Often our minds make up worst case scenarios when in reality things aren't nearly as bad as we make them out to be, if they are even out of sorts in the first place (which they often aren't). I'm not invalidating your experience- it sounds like going through what you're going through is really rough. But, if you ask your partner or your friends what's up, or let them know that you're embarrassed because they have never seen you like this, you might find some compassion in there.

Good luck, and feel free to PM me if you need anything else.


Love joins
Love unites
Love breaks us apart
The power to conquer here in our hearts
Enduring and sacred
Eternal as time
For love, love alone will conquer all


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Re: I don't feel right - February 11th 2019, 09:21 AM

I really just need to feel steel against my skin
   
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