Triggering (SH): I can't let go of it.

[PlutoTheOpposum]

So , to start this off. I've been clean for a month (since January 25). I still get the urge pretty often, but most of the time it's just thoughts. Like "what if I did it?" but I'm able to supress the urges/thoughts. The problem is that the only thing stopping me is the repercussions. I don't want my parents to find out and take everything away. Or even worse, think my GF is making me sh and make us break up (that's been an actual reasoning.)
I think I'm doing a pretty good job supressing my urges, but I just can't let go of my tools. I feel like I need to keep them, just in case.
I don't know how to get rid of them. I'm scared my parents will find them and think I'm still doing it.
any advice? It's okay if not.

[Ennui.]

First of all, congratulations on making it a month without self harming! That is a huge accomplishment and something to be proud of. You are resisting the urges, and that is so great

Maybe while you are deciding whether to get rid of your tools or not, you can make them harder to access. For example, if you put them somewhere you'd have to dig them out, it gives you time to think through the urge and whether or not it's worth actually acting upon it.

It can be hard to give up the tools you use to self harm. I know it's been one of my biggest challenges. I had to give them to a clinician at the DBT program I went to in order to give them up. Is there someone you trust who you can give them to and have them throw them out for you? Another option if you don't want to physically hand the self harm tools to someone, is to have them on FaceTime with you while you bring them to the outside trash can or dumpster. That way you have the physical accountability because someone is watching you get rid of the tools, and it would be pretty hard to get rid of the tools since going through an outside trash can like that would probably make you feel pretty gross.

It might help if you find a way to reward yourself for getting rid of the tools. The reward should be something motivating, like getting a new video game or even playing one you already have, buying a new book or reading one you already have, or going to your favorite place. Basically something that you can use to feel good after you've done something so hard.