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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
drist Offline
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Angry 3years free? - January 15th 2009, 04:16 PM

I can actually say that ive been self harm free for 3 years now, which is good i know.
But you know what? every morning when i wake up its the first thing i think about, not a day goes past without me missing it.

I know that there is nothing to miss, i dont have to hide under layers of clothes, i dont have to see my mum upset. I dont understand how this urge doesn't go away, its a lot stronger these last few days. I dont know if i can hold on. I've got an amazing boyfriend and i know if i do it i will really hurt him to , but sometimes it seems worth it?

Maybe im just going through a bad time, i dunno
i just hate it
I want this to go away
i dont want it to ruin my life anymore
I mean im nearly 20 and i cant be doing this since im a student mental health nurse,
i just cant help it
i wanna cut so bad
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
almostinvisible Offline
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Re: 3years free? - January 15th 2009, 04:30 PM

3 years SH free is amazing. It wouldn't be worth it to start again, even if you want to. Also, if you don't have a lot going on, try getting more involved with other activities you like to keep yourself distracted. If you feel the need to, you could also try talking to a therapist. I can't promise it won't go away but hopefully someday it will.

You're everything I know that makes me believe
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
UltraViolet Offline
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Re: 3years free? - January 15th 2009, 05:00 PM

3 years is so so good.
just because u feel like slipping up dosent mean that u will.
andi believe ur strong enough to fight throu this tricky patch.
i no what u mean about not wanting to do it becasue of ur job and ur age.
im 20 this year, and to be honest ive been gettin worse and worse since i was 11, this is maybe the 3rd worst part ever for me.
maybe its just a thing with the age u are, and what essentially u go throu at this age.
can u talk to ur mum/boyfriend/someone at work how u feel?

i believe in u, u wil get through this, stay strong

x x

'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy

This depression is a killer...
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 3years free? - January 16th 2009, 06:34 AM

Hey there,
3 years self harm free is amazing! That must have taken so much strength to get to where you are now. I can understand that you do still think about self harm especially when things get hard, but you have come this far and I don't think you would want to give up now. I do know what you mean about your job. I am a student social worker and in my first year at uni and I know really I should try and stop self harming, because I shouldn't still be doing it. But right now I don't feel able to. I have had periods of about 10 months where I have gone without self harm and my biggest regret is giving in after all that time. Honestly, it isn't worth it. Once you start again it is so much more difficult to stop. Is there anyone you could talk to about things? Maybe having someone to talk to could help you to control the urges to self harm you are getting. I am here anytime if you ever need someone to talk to so don't hesitate to PM me. You can get through this so don't give up :-)
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 3years free? - January 16th 2009, 02:16 PM

Congrats on the 3 years, I just made it to 2 years a few weeks ago...

I'm going threw the same thing right now. I don't know whats still holding me together but I know I don't want to go back there. Sure I miss it, but I know it won't help; or at least I'm telling myself that it won't.

Have you told your boyfriend about how you've been feeling lately?
When you think it's worth it to give in, write down ever reason why you want to but also write down every reason why you stopped and don't want the urges anymore.

Its helped me when I've hit low periods. It helps to remind yourself of what you have accomplished.

I hope you can get rid of the urges. Please feel free to pm me if you need to talk.

  (#6 (permalink)) Old
SnowKitten Offline
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Re: 3years free? - January 17th 2009, 10:06 PM

3 years is fantastic
you can make it
we are all here to help.
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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 3years free? - January 21st 2009, 03:10 PM

Drist, three years is an accomplishment that so many of us dream of acheiving.

You said that every day, you want to cut. You miss it and you think about it. But you've gone 1,095 days missing it and thinking of it and NOT GIVING IN to the urge. That is so many days just to throw away. I hope that you can find it in yourself to keep up the brilliant work.

Love, Calla
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 3years free? - January 21st 2009, 04:03 PM

Firstly, a HUGE congrats on 3 years SH free! That takes a lot of bravery and willpower.

If something plays a big part of your life, of course you're going to miss it when it's gone. If you used to enjoy it then you probably will miss all the good things it did for you.

But there are much better things in your life, you've done so, so well, don't give in to these thoughts. You can get through this, its obvious how strong you are.

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