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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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littlesis_18 Offline
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Name: Bri
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Question who am i? - January 17th 2009, 01:12 AM

Iím in 8th grade and I feel so broken and shattered I donít know what to do...I have scars on my arms and legs that Iím not proud of but every time something goes wrong I just go straight back to that razor, or knife, or the random sharp object next to me at the time...people see them sometimes and ask questions about all of it and all I can do is sit(or stand) there and hold back the tears I know r about to fall out of my eyes...they say to me "How could u do that B?" or "What would make u want to do that to yourself?" or something like "I would have never guessed you were like that B!" then they will say something like "Please donít do this to yourself!" and then of course add in "Promise me youíll stop this, please B!" and I simply say "Iíll try" knowing that I canít stop it....
I donít know who I am anymore...I think back to the beginning of 7th grade...that "happy, care-free, fun, semi-preppy, innocent, little girl" and now I look at me as an 8th grader that a "scarred, pain filled, armband wearing, black loving, frightened, regretful, strong on the outside, weak everywhere else, cutting, hiding girl" I wish I could stop all this....but I just canít... Itís a part of me now and I donít know how to change thatÖ

where do i go from here? how do i stop all this?
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Re: who am i? - January 17th 2009, 01:48 AM

Hey, Bri! As I already said in chat, welcome to TeenHelp. It sounds like you have quite a load on your plate here... I'll do my best to address everything here.

Self-harm can be pretty tough to deal with, and I'm sorry you have to. Do you know of anything in particular that triggers your desire to cut? If you can think of underlying issues that cause it, you might try finding other ways of addressing those issues, instead of taking out your upset feelings on yourself. Self-harm is never beneficial; it only adds to your pain.

Do you have somebody you can talk to about your self-harming? A family member, or a friend? It can help a lot just to let somebody know how you feel about everything. Also, you can try looking over the Alternatives to Self-Harm sticky at the top of this forum, to give yourself a few ideas of things you can do to deal with your feelings that don't involve self-harm.

As for not knowing who you are, well, you gave a fairly detailed description of yourself in your post. I think that, maybe, you aren't so much confused about who you are as you are confused about how you became who you are today. If something has happened within the past year or so that had a huge effect on your life, that could very well be the cause for your change. Also understand that when people hit their teenage years, they experience lots of changes- not just the physical changes you learn about in Sex Ed class, but mental and emotional changes too. The thing to remember about these changes is that it's okay to undergo them. In fact, it's natural and one hundred percent human- everyone changes as they grow up. It can be a bit scary at times, but I know you're strong enough that you can hang in there and make it through. =) Just remember that it's a simple part of life and you're gonna come out okay.

I hope things work out for you, and if you ever need something, don't hesitate to drop me a PM or find me in chat and we'll have a talk. And hang in there!
   
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Re: who am i? - January 17th 2009, 09:34 AM

Bri,

I hate to be the one to say this, but you never will be that same girl you once were. You can't erase the scars, you can't just make the urges stop. They are something you will have to learn to live with now. I really strongly suggest reaching out for help. You can't beat this by yourself. You need to let someone know what is going on with you. Tell a trusted adult so he or she can help you. You really need the love and support of someone who cares about you and who can help you.

This is going to sound utterly impossible, but self harm has changed me in ways that I am happy about. I'm not glad that I had to go through that, but now I'm a kinder, more compassionate person. I don't think I would be sitting here right now typing this out to you if I hadn't have cut myself. I wouldn't be as compassionate as I am now. I can't imagine myself not being compassionate, I can't imagine myself not being able to understand. I hope to one day take my pain and turn it into something good for someone else.

Bri, I wouldn't suggest promising someone that you will stop cutting either. You don't need to promise to try to stop. Promising only upsets people when you have that inevitable relapse. You really should try to stop cutting for yourself, when you are ready. I honestly believe that you can't stop until you are ready, but I think you are ready to stop this. I think that you could stop if you wanted to... all you have to do is put your mind to it.


--A
   
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