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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
pixiesticks Offline
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Name: Aleisha! [Gabe]
Age: 27
Gender: Bigendered [Female]
Location: UnitedStatesofAmerica

Posts: 64
Join Date: January 6th 2009

I want to... - January 17th 2009, 08:49 PM

I want to cut.

It was my one month yestersday. And I don't want to start over. But, damn. I want to cut. So bad.

I want to feel the blade run across my skin.
I want to watch the blood.
I want to clean up the mess.
I want to forget about my life.
I want to forget about the fact that I have a borderline ED.
I want to have more scars.
I want to cry as I bleed.

I don't even freakin know why I want to. I just do. So so so bad. But I'd hate myself for it. Fuck. I don't know how to make it through the night.

I've tried distracting myself, but I can't. Cutting plagues the thoughts of my mind way too much to make it go away. I can't get the image out of my head of me cutting...I don't think I'm going to make it.....

Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise.
-Les Miserables
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
killing-myself Offline
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Gender: Male

Posts: 91
Join Date: January 17th 2009

Re: I want to... - January 17th 2009, 09:45 PM

dont do it. jou just said you dont want to start over. well you dont have too. just talk with me ok. do something to keep your mind off of it. ok. just PM me if you ever want to talk ok.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
justDucky Offline
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Age: 31
Gender: Other
Location: NY

Posts: 74
Blog Entries: 8
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: I want to... - January 17th 2009, 10:29 PM

Congradulations on making it to one month. I remember how difficult it was for me.
You just have to remember that you are strong enough to with stand anything the world throws at you. You've made it a month, I'm not going to sugar-coat it and tell you its going to get easier right now because for a while it wont. It's like breaking any addiction. But eventually you will be able to see how much better off you are without it.

Try to find something to do. Write down everything you are feeling. If you can't find an actually reason behind wanting to chances are you can make it threw the urge. I am in NO way saying its okay if you have a reason I'm just saying it's easier to pass it without a reason.

please try to think about where you want to go without this as part of your future.
You've already make it this far. You can go as far as you want to, if you want it bad enough.

Just remember nothing is impossible if you just have a little patience and will power.

I hope you continue to do okay and get where you want to..pm me if you need to talk.

  (#4 (permalink)) Old
MadPoet Offline
You're the Original <3
Outside, huh?
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Name: Amanda.
Age: 25
Gender: Female.
Location: Michigan.

Posts: 4,685
Blog Entries: 121
Join Date: January 8th 2009

Re: I want to... - January 17th 2009, 10:34 PM

You say you want the pain.
But is it worth it?
Will it make everything go away, and make your life perfect?
No. So it's not worth it, it's really not. You might think it's the only way to feel better, but in the long run it will only make you feel worse, and I know that you're familiar with that feeling. Don't throw your whole month down the drain, you're much stronger than that. xx

A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts

  (#5 (permalink)) Old
*Jen* Offline
keep smiling :-)
Outside, huh?
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Name: Jen
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 3,668
Blog Entries: 211
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: I want to... - January 18th 2009, 10:41 AM

Aleisha, You say you really badly want to cut, but then again don't want to mess up a month. You are stronger than self harm so don't let it win. You have prooved how strong you are by going a whole month without self harm, which is amazing! It just shows you can do it. I understand it isn't easy at all. But think how much better you will feel once you have got through this urge to self harm without self harming. You can do this so don't give up. I am here if you ever need anything.
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