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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SnowKitten Offline
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When TeenHelp was down, - January 17th 2009, 09:33 PM

Well, I was doing really good at not cutting.
So much so, that I thought I was ready for my all time favorite gore movies.

Bad Idea.

The Hills Have Eyes triggered me so much that I went directly to the store (I live directly behind a convenience store) and purchased a cheap razor to shave your legs, some petroleum jelly, and some gauze/kleenex things.

I chipped away at the razor and got the blades out (there were two) in 4 or five pieces, and yeah. It happened..........

It felt so good...GOD IT FELT SO GOOD!

Well, things have been sucky, and I fell back into the habit.

My mom is no longer nice and cheery. Shes a whore, a lying bitchy whore.
My dad is away, driving a god damned truck across god knows where.
My mom's boyfriend*gag*is just as stupid as ever.
My brother is hitting me more.

I just can't cope with it.
I can't.

I think things would be better if I had something to talk to that I wouldn't feel would judge me. Like a hermit crab. Nice, small, and can tell me when I'm being an idiot by pinching me.

I just need a little help...It doesn't help either that my mom got some really good blades recently to do housework....
Now I actually have devices to cut with that were meant to cut....
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Em[ily] Offline
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Re: When TeenHelp was down, - January 17th 2009, 09:47 PM

You should really try to stop cutting again. It doesn't matter how good it feels, its very bad for you. When (yes I did say when) you stop cutting then wait until you are completely sure that scary gore movies won't trigger you to start watching them again. You can always PM me and anybody else on the site *hugs*


Last time I cut: October 14th 2009

"Where can I turn? Cause I need something more, surrounded my uncertainty, I'm so unsure. Tell me why I feel so alone!"
Conspiracy - Paramore

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
SnowKitten Offline
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Re: When TeenHelp was down, - January 17th 2009, 09:52 PM

i was cut free for a long time though

8 months with only 1 slip!!!
i really thought i could handle it
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
SnowKitten Offline
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Re: When TeenHelp was down, - January 17th 2009, 11:48 PM

I....
I just cut again

I popped a blade out of a Gillette Fusion and ran on my wrist about 8 times...
the good thing is though, is that now i have the things the sterilize everything....
a have alcohol, sterilized gauze pads, and bandaids...
it looks like a just got a shot on my wrist...
im way too good at dressing wounds....
at least i wont get infected
=/




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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
TheWhiteTornado Offline
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Re: When TeenHelp was down, - January 17th 2009, 11:53 PM

i know that may make it better but it's still not exactly healthy for the obvious reasons,
i'm sure you can beat this again,
8 months is an outstanding length of time to have gone without something like that,
and now the site is back up so you can always just come on to talk or vent whenever you start to get urges,
i'm always open for a PM and i'd be more than happy to give out my facebook or myspace should you be unable to get back on here


"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
-George Eliot

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
-Groucho Marx

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
-Grace Hansen
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: When TeenHelp was down, - January 18th 2009, 06:23 AM

Carey, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way at the moment - I know it can be hard and the urges are hard to resist, but you are so strong! You said that you have spent 8 months and only had one slip, you know how strong that you must have been to keep that up? Extremely strong. You need to remember those 8 months, you worked so hard and were so brave. It must feel like a bit of an achievement to go that long, right?
I'm sorry that the movie triggered you, but it's good that you realised that was your trigger, and in the future (well for a while) you'll know to try and avoid these things just a little longer, or stay safe if you expose yourself to them. Please, for now, get rid of your blades and avoid things that you could hurt yourself with. In the long run, it's simply not worth it. Carey, it may feel good - but only for a moment, the consequences may hurt more (scars, healing time, having to hide it, infection etc.).
We're always here for you if you need some support, or simply just need to rant.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
SnowKitten Offline
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Re: When TeenHelp was down, - January 18th 2009, 04:21 PM

The thing is that now I feel like those 8 months were wasted ya know?
The suckish thing is that I don't haveto worry about scars and healing times, because I use a blade from a shaving razor. They only go so deep...
And I'm so good at keeping things clean, and maintenance of my cuts that they heal in a day or two.
I never run out of space,
I never get scars,
I never ever get infections.

I'm too good at what I do, and now I am showing how good I am.
My cuts from yesterday aren't red, or itchy, or puffy, or sore, or anything.
They used to be swollen, red, sore, and itchy as hell.

I....
I'm too good.
That's what I get for having interest in the medical field.




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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: When TeenHelp was down, - January 19th 2009, 02:23 PM

Those 8 months weren't wasted, they were just practice so when you finally decide to quit you'll realize that you've done it before for a long time and that it's no problem,
nothing's a waste of time, especially not that


"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
-George Eliot

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
-Groucho Marx

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
-Grace Hansen
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
SnowKitten Offline
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Re: When TeenHelp was down, - January 22nd 2009, 01:01 AM

it was a waste....
a useless futile attempt to end this thing that comforts me so much...
If something makes you feel good you should do it right?




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