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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SpiderHan03 Offline
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Unhappy The Newbie - July 15th 2009, 09:26 AM

I just started cutting two months ago. Well, actually. I cut for the first time on May 2nd, 2009. Then again one week later. After that, I quit for almost one whole month. Something triggered a relapse and I've been cutting at least twice a week for the last month. That may not seem like much to some people, but it's a big deal for me. A few days ago I turned to a razor blade instead of my usual scissors to tear the flesh of my arms open. No one except my friend Kelci knows about the razor thing because I recently hung out with her. A bunch of people know that I cut because I don't attempt to hide it. I don't care if people see because no one has the guts to ask me directly if I cut myself. People just find out. The ones I trust with the truth tell their families who tell a few other adults and soon everyone knows.

I have this plan. None of my friends know this website exists and I'm hoping no one I know finds this, but I'm gonna stop cutting my arms and start cutting my leg or above my hip or my stomach or something. So that everyone will think I stopped. And maybe it will motivate me to stop for real.

I don't know who I am anymore. Cutting has transformed me into a completely different person. I've lost everyone I truly love. My now ex-boyfriend who ironically has depression, but dumped me because of my cutting. He even started cutting himself to try to get me to stop. My two best friends who were like daughters to me... they're just gone... We were a happy little "family" and now I rarely talk to either of them and I miss them both more than they'll ever know.

I don't really know what I want. I want help, but I don't know what I mean by "help." I'm one very confused 14 year old.
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MadPoet Offline
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Re: The Newbie - July 15th 2009, 09:41 AM

Hey :] Welcome to TH.
It sounds like you're really struggling right now, and cutting is never something that is easy to deal with - ask almost any member on this site. But I really think you need to talk to someone about this, before your problem gets even worse. I know it might not seem like it can get any worse than it already is, but self harm only escalates. It can easily turn you into a person that you never wanted to be. I don't mean to scare you or anything by saying this, but it's going to be a lot easier to deal with the problem if you try to recover before it gets even worse than it already seems to be.

Whether you've been cutting for two months or two years, self harm is still a problem. It's something that's hard to deal with, but can't be ignored. Do you have anyone that you could talk to about these things, someone in your family, for instance? Or maybe even a counselor? I know that speaking up sounds scary, but it's not nearly as scary as how much self harm can truly hurt you in the long run.

You say that maybe people thinking you have stopped will motivate you to stop... but, I'm not sure if that plan will work. The thing is that self harm becomes addicting. The longer you do it, the more addicting it becomes. It doesn't matter where you cut, or who you show, those scars are always going to be visible to you, even if they are to no one else. And every time you see those scars, you're going to feel the need to continue cutting. It's not a road you want to go down.

I used to think that I would not rely on self harm, that I could hide my arms and it wouldn't matter, that no one would know. But people do find out, as you've already experienced. People get hurt. Not just you, but your family, your close friends, people who care about you. Self harm may seem like the answer to whatever emotional baggage you're carrying around, but the truth is that it's only going to add more.

You don't want to rely on cutting. I really think you need to talk to someone, while you still have the bit of control left that you have now. Self harm does not control you - you control it. You're capable of living your life without self harm, and you need to realize that this really is not the kind of life you want to live. Find someone who can help you, and who you can talk to. I really think that's the best decision you can make for yourself in this situation.

Feel free to PM me anytime Take care.





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Dreamer Offline
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Re: The Newbie - July 15th 2009, 09:45 AM

Hi!
It's always difficult to get out of something like cutting, and the process to get out of it is often long and hard. The most important thing is that you have someone you trust, who you can talk with. Either a friend, a parent or a teacher at school. That way you always have someone who can 'back you up', and try to help you when the urge is at it's strongest point.

A good thing is also to come up with alternative things to do when you feel the urge. There's a thread on this site with ideas, and if nothing there works, try to come up with someething yourself. And the longer you cut, the harder it will be to get out of it. So it's really good that you're asking for help so soon.

You could also try to talk to you two best friends again, and see what happened that made you guys slip appart, if you don't already know, and try to fix it, if you still want to be friends with them.

I hope things get better.

Dreamer


If you want to; check out my poems and stuff under the "Self Expression"-forum.

You are BEAUTIFUL! <3

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confusion, cutter, cutting, cutting addiction, cutting random urges help, newbie, self harm help, self hate

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