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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SpiderHan03 Offline
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Unhappy These Damn Relapses - July 27th 2009, 03:05 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Fuck... I was doing so so good.

Las night, I broke completely. Shattered really... cut my arm all up and down. Bled like crazy. Swallowed three pills to get to sleep but contemplated taking the whole bottle for like fifteen minutes. Thinking how easy suicide would be. I'll probably end up doing the same thing tonight because of some things that just happened to me. I swear...

One of these days, I'm gonna mean it.

I'm gonna cut as deep as I possibly can and swallow one whole bottle of pills. Maybe two. And die. It would be so easy...

Footnote: I'm not sure whether to label this triggering on the topic of SH or suicide. So I'm going with suicide. Let me know if I should change it.


"No matter how bad something is hurting us... sometimes it hurts worse to let it go..."

Last edited by SpiderHan03; July 27th 2009 at 03:11 AM.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
lauren_160 Offline
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Re: These Damn Relapses - July 27th 2009, 02:46 PM

Hey Han, i'm sorry you're having a hard time right now, but just remember relapsing is normal, so many people do it, but getting stuck in self destruct mode isn't going to help you in the long run, instead of cutting, why don't you just talk to someone, let it all out, or do free assocation writing, pretty much just start writing what is making you want to cut, and then just dont think about what you're writing and so many feelings you didnt know that oyu had just come out, and you feel so much free-er afterwards and then just rip up the paper, also just make sure you have the alternatives page to hand, and make sure you're keeping the cuts clean.

No matter how bad you're feeling right now, suicide isn't the answer, i'm sure there's so many people that know you that REALLY care for you.
Take care x


"The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

"But in the ruins there is still a canvas. There is still beauty in your brokenness. The faded scars show healing reminding me that even though Iíve been in dark places, Iíve survived and learned and become stronger".

  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: These Damn Relapses - July 27th 2009, 04:00 PM

MOVE ON. It's just a chapter in the past. But don't close the book. Just turn the page"
this is something you posted in your sig, so try to just forget or IGNORE what is bothering you, you may find it hard (actually you will), but if you cut, it is just going to be there for more time, I wont say I am sorry cause my sorrow wont make you any better, what I will say is that I know you are strong, you can get over what ever is bothering you, you can get over any thing and every thing, it is normal to break down every now and then but trust me, even if it keeps getting worst at some point you stop feeling pain, you stop getting hurt,you no more care...when it is awfully bad, it never gets worst, it only gets better..........I do not know you that much, but I know you are strong enough to hold physical pain, and the hardness of asking and reaching for help, which means you are amazingly strong and you can get over every thing without the need of a blade or bunch of pills (if must do something, try watching some movies that you really like, playing an instrument or reading an interesting thing, those catchy things that distract you until you are less emotional and more rational)

If ur at the bottom then cheer it only can go better
If you are lonely then smile
You do not need them to stay alive
If they hurt you bad ,been hurt worst and every thing is just pushing u down...
And even though you are strong enough to survive

p.m me.........I quite like it

  (#4 (permalink)) Old
*Jen* Offline
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Re: These Damn Relapses - July 27th 2009, 08:38 PM

Hey Han,

It was only a relapse and these are part of recovery. They happen to most people when trying to give up up self harming. You have to pick yourself back up again. If you dwell on the fact you have self harmed now it is only going to hold you back. The past is the past, which can't be changed so leave it in the past. Learn from it and pick yourself back up and focus on the present and future, which you can change. You can do this so keep trying.
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Re: These Damn Relapses - July 27th 2009, 09:23 PM

Hi there Han,

It seems as though you’re really struggling right now, but that’s okay because it shows that you’re still fighting and that is really great. You know what else is great? You recognise that you were doing so, so good – that means that you can do that again – you can get through this relapse and you can continue to do good, even better.

Last night sounds like it was incredibly hard for you Han, but you did very well to get through it. I’m sorry that you had to resort to cutting but I am very glad that you didn’t take the whole bottle of pills. It took a lot of effort, but you got through last night – you must give yourself some praise for that. I’d like to remind you to try and keep your wounds clean if you have already cut yourself.

I don’t think that you do want to cut yourself or swallow a bottle of pills, Han. It isn’t easy and you’re asking for help here, which is very promising and brave of you. You’re reaching out for help and that must mean that there is some uncertainty, which is expected because it’s such a big decision to make. Suicide is not a good option. You do not have to feel like this forever and you won’t. This time will pass, even if you don’t feel as though it will, you need to know that it will.

I would highly recommend that you give your pills to someone or flush them. I would also recommend that you try and remove any blades that you could hurt yourself with – you’re less likely to be tempted then. I would also strongly urge you to talk to someone face to face if you are considering suicide. There is a list of people that you could talk to [here]. You are never alone, Han, and we’re here to help you.

Please take care.
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Re: These Damn Relapses - July 30th 2009, 09:33 PM

Hey. I'm real sorry to hear that you're having a relapse and feeling suicidal after barely minutes ago reading what you posted on my thread about my self hate.
Oh bless you. But now I quote:

You have to understand that you're meant to live until the universe says otherwise. You may want to die but it's not the best thing and deep down I think all of us suicidal people know that. When you're blinded by depression, you don't think about all the good things.

You said that to me... and now I'm saying it back. No one can force you to stop self harming, and no one can change the way you feel.. You have to do all that by yourself. But you have to know there are people out there that care about you.. Your friends... Your family... and if all else fails, people on TH.

much luv

Take care of yourself!

Feel free to PM me ANY time or add me on msn its: PunkRox_SafetyPins@hotmail.co.uk

xoxox Bex xoxox

Where there's love, there's hope
You cannot destroy me!
xoxox PunkRoxS9 xoxox

Last SH: 03/08/09
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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
SpiderHan03 Offline
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Re: These Damn Relapses - August 1st 2009, 10:45 PM

Thanks guys. I'm not doing too bad anymore. No more relapses yet and praying it stays that way.

"No matter how bad something is hurting us... sometimes it hurts worse to let it go..."

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