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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Megan
Gender: Female
Location: PA

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Join Date: July 22nd 2009


This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I NEED to do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHH! I physically feel sick to my stomach, and I'm in so much pain!!! I know what will make this pain end, but I don't WANT to do it!!!!!! Writting ISN'T helping me, lisnening to music isn't helping me, talking about it isn't helping, distracting myself isn't helping me, and I just DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!! I'm SO angry right now, and I want to go upstairs and go to bed, but I'm affraid if I step in my room, I'll run to my scissors!!!! Ughhh! I HATE this. I'm like just so paniced, and I'm just so tired, but I'm so hyper with anxiety!!!!! I feel like I'm going CRAZY, and I don't know how to calm myself down!!!!! I've felt this way for days, but I haven't given in yet! I just don't want to feel like I made it almost 4 weeks just to fail!!!!!!!!!! But like, I keep thinking, "What's the use?! Why's it so bad if I cut?! If nobody finds out, if I hide it, then what's it matter? It'll only make me feel so much better!" But I don't know!!!!!! ARGHHHH!
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Star Crow Offline
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Gender: Female

Posts: 184
Join Date: May 17th 2009


You never need to cut. It's a want. Just try to calm down and think about why you want to SH and write a list of why you shouldn't. You don't always have to distract yourself from thinking about it. That only hides the problem for a while. If you try to think rationally about it the urge might die down a little once you've calmed down.
I think you should go to bed. If you're afraid your going to run to your scissors then you probubly won't and even if you do you are bound to think about what you are about to do before you SH.

(sorry if this wasn't much help)
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
noise94 Offline
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Posts: 3,231
Join Date: January 11th 2009


Hey there, Megan.

Yes, the urges may be getting stronger, but you know what? You're getting stronger right along with them. Each time you resist an urge, heck every second you resist an urge, is an amazing achievement.

You say that listening to music, writing, all those things aren't working? But they are working, Megan. You were on here writing your post instead of hurting yourself! It's all about doing other things.

It's not about making the feeling go away, it's about not acting on that feeling. The urge will go away on it's own, you just have to keep doing other things like you have been. Every time an urge comes, keep writing, keep listening to music, keep posting, because all those things ARE working. You're not hurting yourself when you're doing all that. And of course, our wonderful alternatives thread is always here for you as well. Even just reading it can act as an alternative!

You're going to be okay, Megan. You're a really strong person. You can and will beat all these urges, just take one urge at a time. We're here for you whenever you need us.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
TheBabyEater Offline
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Name: Marissa
Age: 27
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Location: Iraw

Posts: 1,705
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Join Date: January 6th 2009


Megan, you're experiencing the same things I did and do. Someone told me though these almost exact words.
"You're experiencing symtoms of alcoholics without the alcohol! If you keep doing this you're going to be cutting up your entire arm because that's the minimum it will take to get the effect you THINK you need, but you DONT NEED IT. If this cycle keeps going, you're going to end up in the hospital, or worse, in the ground. And I can't afford to loose you"
Those same things apply to YOU. No one here, in the world, at your school, in your familly, NO ONE wants to loose you becaus of an addiction.
You are strong enough, I know this because your posting here, asking for help. I wish I had seen this last night but oh well.
It's hard to admit you need to stop and you basically have by asking for help instead of turning straight to the scissors. While part of you wants to give in more than anything in the world, another stronger part of you wants to quit because you realize that you really do need to.

Give in to THAT side of you, the part that doesn't want to give in to addictions.
Eventually the urges will subside, I swear.

Take me seriously.
I dare you.

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