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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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I'm losing my sanity, fast. - July 27th 2009, 07:20 AM

I don't cut for the sensation of feeling blood or seeing blood. Blood makes me sick to my stomach. I cut because it's the one thing I have 100% control over, if that makes sense. I'm absolutely freaking myself out. I'm convinced that I need to be in a mental institute. I get myself so upset over things that don't matter at all. I freak out. I start to hit myself and bite my arms and scream and throw things. I do it all the time. I'm terrified to talk to anyone, for the fear of actually having to be in a hospital or on medication. I don't want to be a "nutcase." I don't wanna be that girl that was in a "Nut House" when she was 14 because she's crazy. What am I supposed to do? I can't keep being like this. I'm driving myself crazy and into depression when I have so many things to be happy about. There's a baby on the way that we're adopting. I just got a new puppy. My boyfriend is amazing. I could smile about half a thousand things, but in my head I think that it's easier to just be depressed so I can't be let down. I constantly try to tell myself everything is gonna be alright, when I know it should be, but I can't believe myself. I've gotten to be such a great liar I can even fool myself. I need someone to tell me good things about myself all the time or I don't feel like I deserve to be alive. I need help, I just can't ask someone.





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Re: I'm losing my sanity, fast. - July 27th 2009, 07:32 PM

im sorry you are going through this.
i know you feel like the only have control over is cutting but its not true.
why cant you as someone for help?
have you tried a consulor or therapist?
you arent crazy, i think you just have alot of pent up emotions and they need a
healthy let out.
if you need help and want to get better try going to somone and just talking
anyone mom, dad, friends, because its obvious you dont want to go on like this.


i wish you luck.
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Re: I'm losing my sanity, fast. - July 27th 2009, 08:06 PM

Hey,

It does make sense. When everything in your life feels out of control the only thing that you feel you have control of can be self harm. But I bet there are other small things you control, which you probably don't even realise. If you feel there are not many things you have full control of then change things so you do have more control. Perhaps write down the things you would like to have more control of then you can work towards this. You might not be able to just have control over them because it might take time.

Just because you self harm and have problems it doesn't make you a 'nutcase'. You would be suprised that many people have issues like you and manage to overcome these.

You say you need someone to tell you good things about you all the time. Does your boyfriend not compliment you? Does he know about the self harm? Perhaps if not he would be a good person to confide in. You can get help and people won't judge you but you have to reach out for it.

I am here anytime if you ever need anything. Stay strong :-)
   
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Re: I'm losing my sanity, fast. - July 28th 2009, 03:19 AM

I can say I know how you feel.
There was a point in my life where I had become so excellent at lying that no one would have even guessed at what I was going through.
And I'd continue to feel worse about myself because I'd berate myself on how I should be happy, I could be so much worse off.
I ended up going into a downward spiral to the point where I had no hope at all for anything.
But then, then I opened up to someone, just a little...
And before I knew it, I opened up more and more, talking to my friends who were more than willing to listen...

It's not an easy thing, opening up to talk about how you feel on the inside, but it can be very neccessary and very helpful.
It seems that you have many pent up feelings and emotions that you are refusing to release or acknowledge.
You should try to talk to someone.
But don't try to do it all at once. It can be a rather slow process.
You say you can't ask someone, but you should try. You could be surprised about just who is willing to listen and support you.

Remember, you are not a "nutcase". You are not alone in your feelings.
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Re: I'm losing my sanity, fast. - July 28th 2009, 07:56 AM

It's not that I can't confide in anyone, it's that I'm scared to. I don't want to be different from anyone. My parent's just brush me off, it's never been about me. It's always about someone else. and Yes, my boyfriend does compliment me. All the time, infact. He's the reason I started cutting, actually. I don't have any friends, honestly I don't. I've pushed away everyone in my life because it's easier that way. Everyone I try to tell and every time I try to say how I'm feeling something else comes along and the person I try to talk to has something better to do than listen to me act like an "emo kid". I can never find the words to explain myself, but when I do, I just can't talk.





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Re: I'm losing my sanity, fast. - July 28th 2009, 09:21 PM

do you keep a journal?
you can let out your emotions and everything
with out worrying about people judgeing you.
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Re: I'm losing my sanity, fast. - July 29th 2009, 12:23 AM

I'm really thinking about starting one. I think it could be good for me. thanks for the idea :] haha. Right now, I couldn't be happier. I've just seen some of my friends and that just makes me happy until something else happens, haha.





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Re: I'm losing my sanity, fast. - July 29th 2009, 11:28 PM

thanks good! im glad you friends are able to make you happy and
keep you that way! good luck (:
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Re: I'm losing my sanity, fast. - July 30th 2009, 03:53 AM

My friends are great I'm starting to realize just how much they mean to me. The few I do have, haha. I still haven't talked to Michael, though. I've decided that I'm going to tell him he has one week to try and make it better, if he doesn't fix something fast, I can't be with him.. and I'm not scared one bit.





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Re: I'm losing my sanity, fast. - August 1st 2009, 07:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ginaquitlollygagging View Post
I don't cut for the sensation of feeling blood or seeing blood. Blood makes me sick to my stomach. I cut because it's the one thing I have 100% control over, if that makes sense. I'm absolutely freaking myself out. I'm convinced that I need to be in a mental institute. I get myself so upset over things that don't matter at all. I freak out. I start to hit myself and bite my arms and scream and throw things. I do it all the time. I'm terrified to talk to anyone, for the fear of actually having to be in a hospital or on medication. I don't want to be a "nutcase." I don't wanna be that girl that was in a "Nut House" when she was 14 because she's crazy. What am I supposed to do? I can't keep being like this. I'm driving myself crazy and into depression when I have so many things to be happy about. There's a baby on the way that we're adopting. I just got a new puppy. My boyfriend is amazing. I could smile about half a thousand things, but in my head I think that it's easier to just be depressed so I can't be let down. I constantly try to tell myself everything is gonna be alright, when I know it should be, but I can't believe myself. I've gotten to be such a great liar I can even fool myself. I need someone to tell me good things about myself all the time or I don't feel like I deserve to be alive. I need help, I just can't ask someone.
somtimes...advice isnt what you want, even if it's what your mouth says you want.
I feel very much the same, ALOT, i'm 19 now and i have felt this way sence i was 8 maybe even younger...and no one has ever had any answers. My advice? talk. Let it out, scream to anyone who will listen, just find people who will listen not talk or give advice.


~*Perception is a world wide epidemic.*~
   
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Re: I'm losing my sanity, fast. - August 2nd 2009, 01:44 AM

Thank you. That's the way I should be.





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