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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Mr.Brightside Offline
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Name: Conor
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I thought it was gone. - July 29th 2009, 11:58 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So before Christmas 2007, I began self harming and continued doing so right through until about March 2008 when I finally kicked the habit.

It was a tough time for me; school was hell, none of the boys I fancied liked me back and things were just not good.

I hung around with people who self-harming wasn't unknown to. You know the way emos would know more about it than chavs would? I'm not saying that all emos self harm, don't get me wrong, it's just something emos would discuss more than others.

So, when I got a new group of friends, who wouldn't talk about self harm or anything of the sort, I forgot all about it and I wasn't depressed anymore and everything was okay.

So, about three weeks ago, I stayed in this residential summer camp thing, away from home. The friends I made there were emos and while none of them did self harm, I felt the urge again to do so.

Leaving that summer camp was horrible and I felt depressed for a few days afterwards. Three days ago, I broke my record and made the first cut.

That was all though. Tonight however, I'm afraid I let rip at myself.

What I'm confused about is, that I don't really want to be doing it. I know I shouldn't be doing it. I want to stop doing it. I don't have any reasons to be doing it.

Yet I'm going to keep doing it.

I want to keep doing it too.

Advice?

Thanks,
Conor. =)
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
TheBabyEater Offline
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Re: I thought it was gone. - July 30th 2009, 12:15 AM

Distracting yourself is the biggest thing here. You NEED distractions. Watch tv, hang around on here, go for a walk, do something to get your mind off it.
Not everyone cuts simply when they're depressed so don't beat yourself up over that. Some do it for recreational reasons, others due to addictions (me), some to remind themselves they're still alive, some just like the look of blood, and a lot don't really know WHY they do it...

I think your choice of friends really affects this. It's understandable. So this school year, try hard to stay away from the emo or depressing kids that make you want to hurt yourself. I see you're pretty new here so I would look at the sticky for alternatives if you havn't already.
You can always come here to distract yourself, or vent and rant, or get help, or just about anything. Feel free to PM me of course.



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I dare you.



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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
savealife723 Offline
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Re: I thought it was gone. - July 30th 2009, 12:21 AM

maybe it's just the group of people you hang out who influence you.
try doing something tonight that you wouldn't normally do.
try distracting yourself by finding another activity.
if self harm comes to your mind, block it out.
do whatever you can.


When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
LadiesLlama Offline
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Re: I thought it was gone. - July 30th 2009, 12:40 AM

Hey Conor.

Once again, I want to welcome you to TeenHelp. There are various places you can look for help on the site, and the forums are one of them. The other places you can look for help on the site are HelpLINK, LiveHelp, when it's online, and S&A, Support and Advice, when it's in the chat room.

I want to commend you for kicking the self harm habit. That must've been tough for you. I also want to commend you for removing yourself from the group of friends that you've placed yourself with in the past, that must have been even harder for you as friends are what we have and reach out to support us when the times we're going through get tough. They can either lift us up or let us fall, but that is what we place ourselves in their hands for, isn't it? Friends have an impact upon us, that really is what they are. They impact our lives more than we would think, and with that, they are what makes us feel comfortable with who we are.


What I'm confused about is, that I don't really want to be doing it. I know I shouldn't be doing it. I want to stop doing it. I don't have any reasons to be doing it.

Yet I'm going to keep doing it.

I want to keep doing it too.


Addictions are something that is hard to combat, but just think, you've done it before, you can do it again. You kicked it last year, why can't you kick it again? I understand that it was the group of friends you surrounded yourself with, so maybe you should find something to surround yourself with to distract yourself again? It would seem like it would be the best bet, wouldn't it?

How about an activity program around you? You used the word "chav" so I'm assuming you're in the UK, would they have anything available there near where you are? Maybe something that you'd enjoy doing?

I'm going to end this post with a few more things. There's a sticky at the top of the self harm thread with these alternatives if you ever need to find it again, but I'll give you the link here. Maybe some of these will work for you? Maybe not? You won't know until you try, Conor. Click here for the alternatives: Clicky

I wish you the best of luck, and should you need anything at all, feel free to PM me or VM me. Links are in my signature.



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||That he was gonna be
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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I thought it was gone. - July 30th 2009, 01:45 AM

Hey, Conor. I'm sorry you're in the middle of a relapse at the moment, they def. suck no matter how long it's been since you gave in. It sounds like the people you hang around with or talk to are a big influence for you; I'm not saying it's peer pressure or anything, just that when you're talking about emo stuff your mind gets more geared towards things like SH. That's not good for someone who's recovering (I think everyone who's done it is recovering- it's hard to say exactly when you quit). I'd say stay away from stuff (ppl, conversations, music, even areas) that might remind you of that part of your life, and do something distracting. You know, bright shiny stuff that will take your mind off the fact that you slipped up. I like writing or reading NON TRIGGERING books.

By the way, it's OK that you slipped. Everyone does that. Stopping SH is one of the toughest things you're gonna have to do, but just accept the fact that you made a mistake and you want to move past it. Forgive yourself for this. I know it's extremely addictive, especially when it's been a while, but try hard to stop yourself. Put it off. Whatever alternative works for you. You can and have (and will) live without this. I promise you that.

Hope this helped a little; PM me if you wanna talk.


When you say "never", I'll say "lie"
When you say "always", I'll say "true"
When you say "love", I'll say "you"
I'll say "you"

It gets better.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Mr.Brightside Offline
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Re: I thought it was gone. - July 30th 2009, 10:21 AM

Thank you so much for all the replies everyone.

The thing is, I know about all the alternatives and I use them. I know I've only done it twice since my relapse, but it's like it's a routine already. Just something I have to fit in, like brushing my teeth twice every day.

I'm not depressed I don't think. I have my down moments but I also have a lot of high moments. Like last night, before I actually did it, I was having such a laugh with my brother. It wasn't like I was lying crying in my bed like I used to be before selfharming. I had a laugh, went to the bathroom, did it and then went to bed.

I don't think I need to worry about my friends. The ones I used to hang around with are all happy and healthy now and none of them selfharm. I don't spend much time with them and when I do, I don't feel the urge cause I'm too busy catching up with them.

The people who triggered me I only spent a week with and they're all living in different parts of the country.

What I'm worried about now, is that I know I can do it again and when something goes wrong, I'll probably do it. I'm in an acting group and I got a main part in a play. The thing is, I have major confidence issues and whenever I get criticised I take it properly to heart.


Save some face...
...you know you've only got one.


Blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah, Blah blah blah blah blaah.
   
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