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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
asyoulikeit Offline
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Exposed... - August 2nd 2009, 01:39 AM

Sorry for posting here again so soon, but something happened today at work that just shook me.

I work at a Hallmark, with a pretty lax dress code but today I wanted to wear a dress cause (1) I'm sunburnt on my hips and shoulders and (2) I have scars on my legs that are still readable. The dress is really long, so I thought I was ok.

Then this guy (40-something, idk) came in and I was ringing him up when he asked about the large scar on my shoulder. How did I get it? Did it have stitches? I was nervous and stuttered out my usual story for that particular scar, and then he proceeded to ask about the scar on my OTHER shoulder. I tried to say, I fall alot but he said something along the lines of "don't give me that bullshit. You're not a little girl anymore, etc etc etc" and made me make up ANOTHER story which he then picked to pieces. By this point my coworker was trying to get the attention off me, but then he started going off about how he could see my bra and it was black and I shouldn't be wearing a dress like that. I was about in tears, and I let the other girl finish him up cause I was afraid he'd see the multiple scars on my arms that I can't explain away. This is the first time I haven't worn armwarmers to work, and look what happens.

I've never been one to be rude to customers even if they're assholes to me. But how the hell can I tell someone that it's none of their business what scars I have???? I need a polite way to say it, since it's at work and I can't always wear armwarmers. And cover my legs. And cover my shoulders. I feel like he was invasive, but I don't know what I should say in those situations

When you say "never", I'll say "lie"
When you say "always", I'll say "true"
When you say "love", I'll say "you"
I'll say "you"

It gets better.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
samaritan Offline
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Re: Exposed... - August 2nd 2009, 02:57 AM

I work on a crisis hotline and people oftentimes ask me questions that may be innocent or not but nontheless make me uncomfortable. No matter what you are doing, including working you have a right to tell someone that their questions are too presonal or are making you uncomfortable. It is not rude of you.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Dream Offline
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Re: Exposed... - August 2nd 2009, 04:03 AM

Just say the questions are too personal and that you would rather not answer.

  (#4 (permalink)) Old
*Jen* Offline
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Re: Exposed... - August 2nd 2009, 09:51 AM

You could just tell them straight that you don't want to talk about it. Don't let yourself be pushed into saying things you don't want to. You only have to say what you are comfortable with and you should never have to explain yourself to anyone if you don't want to.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Prozac Offline
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Re: Exposed... - August 2nd 2009, 12:21 PM

Hey there Marissa,

I'm sorry that you had such an unfortunate experience at work and I hope that you don't have to experience something like that again.
It was really none of that guy's business where you got your scar from and you didn't deserve to be questioned about it so much. I guess people are sometimes just curious or nosey about things.
I think that if something like that happens again then you could simply just say 'I'd rather not talk about it'. You should nor feel pressurised and you do not have to answer any questions about anything from anyone that you're not comfortable answering.

Take care.
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Exposed... - August 2nd 2009, 02:35 PM

Hi Marissa,

I'm also very sorry for what happened to you; you shouldn't have to go through something like that.

I had a friend who had a similar experience where she worked. When she was checking a customer out, he asked how she got the scars on her arms. She threw him off with a pseudo-joke-thing "Is that how you always start out your small talk? [Then, picking up the items] Is this all for you today sir?"

Luckily, she said that he didn't push it farther, but in the situation if he did, I'm sure it would be fine for you to say that it was personal (in a completely respectable manner of course).

But the joke thing is just an idea to try and get away from the subject without diving deep into serious-ness.

Good luck, and if you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me.


how nice- to feel nothing but still get credit for being alive
kurt vonnegut
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Tegan Offline
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Re: Exposed... - August 2nd 2009, 02:45 PM

People like that make me so angry. Eurgh.

Like everyone has said, you have the right to tell anyone that their questions are too personal, you're being polite and therefore you're not at fault, the person pressing rude and innappropriate questions is. Don't be afraid to speak up, you're so brave by going out and not wearing armwarmers. Seriously, Its amazing.

You are the one, the one who lies next to me,
Whispers "hello, I missed you quite terribly"

  (#8 (permalink)) Old
losing touch. Offline
oh, really?..
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Re: Exposed... - August 2nd 2009, 03:50 PM

i'm sorry you had to experience that - some people are just like that unfortunately. when i worked in a shop last year i had a few scars of my arm from a few years ago that were actually really faded.. but yeah some woman was like "how'd your arm get scarred like that?" and i just said.. "i can't remember" and smiled at her. i don't think she appreciated my sarcasm but i wans't going to get into explaining myself to her.

..and our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears..

  (#9 (permalink)) Old
bitesize Offline
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Re: Exposed... - August 2nd 2009, 04:03 PM

Oh my God, what an asshole!! He never should have said that kind of stuff to you, whether or not you were a stranger. Jesus, that's so rude. I am so sorry that had to happen to you love.
Elle and Jen had good ideas about making a kind of joke about it or simply not replying. It's none of his business and he has no idea to ask you about that kind of thing in the first place; you should never have to answer something you're not comfortable with.
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