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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
i_dont_like_me Offline
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Name: logan
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guilt - August 3rd 2009, 03:27 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

so lastnight. i cut. i was really depressed for no reason, and i cut. i already made a post yeterday about it. the thing is... i feel so guilty. it makes me want to cut even more. i want scares. idk why though. i like the pain. i just need a sharper knife so i can go deeper. i want to feel the blood flow down my body. i want to see the blood. i want to know that life is real. someties it feels like i dont exist or like im in the matrix. i want to slit my wrists. but i cant have my parents knowing so i slit my hips. which doesnt produce enough blood. im just unhappy...

Last edited by Perplexity; August 3rd 2009 at 03:49 AM. Reason: Adding in 'triggering' prefix to thread.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
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Re: guilt - August 3rd 2009, 06:15 AM

Hi Logan,


I'm sorry that you've been going through a tough time. But don't feel guilty. Sometimes I feel guilty, too, when I slip up, especially over small things, but it happens. Sometimes it's better to just tell yourself that it happened, but it's over, and it's okay for you to move on from it and not beat yourself up about it, because dwelling on it can sometimes just lead to wanting to cut more, even though you're feeling guilty about having done it in the first place.

But please don't hurt yourself anymore. I've wanted the scars before, too, felt like I "wasn't doing well enough," but the real victory comes in trying to take care of yourself. Fighting the urges. Knowing that life is real because you can hear yourself breathing or your heart beating or your dreams for what you want out of life murmuring. The way to feel alive honestly is to live. Not to skirt death, or the type of "death" that comes with cutting.

Is there anything you particularly enjoy doing that you could try to do to cheer up? Things like hot chocolate or watching the sunset or catching raindrops on your tongue or running at a park or writing your own life story and deciding how you want it to unfold can sometimes help. They help short-term in preventing emotional plunges and so are also good alternatives to cutting to help fight the urges. There's also a really good list of alternatives in a sticky at the top of the SH forum.

Hang in there. PM me anytime if you'd ever like to talk/rant/you're just bored

Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
AshtrayHeart Offline
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Re: guilt - August 3rd 2009, 05:50 PM

Hey there, please try and stop harming yourself you may not feel like your good enough at it or you want scars i know, its like a cry for help in a way you want the scars to be noticed. But in the long run it doesn't help and wont help in anyway and you'll be left with the scars until they fade if they do, think of all the reasons you have to stop and try your best.

'Cause there's no pride to be found when you follow sheep around..

<3 15/3/09 <3
11 months, I love you.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
orligirl Offline
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Re: guilt - August 3rd 2009, 06:56 PM

Logan, I know what you're going through. I myself have cut numerous times, all on my wrist. I know how it feels to want to see more blood and feel a different kind of pain than the emotional, but it's not worth it. You'll carry these scars fro the rest of your life, and people will look at you differently. Trust me. The first time I cut, my friends were acting really weird around me. They would hardly say anything because they were afraid of hurting me, and they would keep fake smiles on their faces. It has followed me all through high school, and I regret it, even though at the time, it seemed like the best way to deal. Please message me at pinkprin325@yahoo.com if you need to talk, or IM me on AIM, which I am almost always on, GrlfrndForever. I've been down this road before, and I know how people need help.
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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
savealife723 Offline
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Re: guilt - August 3rd 2009, 09:21 PM

getting on here is a great way to talk about your problem,
because a lot of us understand what you're going through.
we know the pain,
the lonliness,
the overwhelmed,
the feeling.
it's not the exact that you're going through.
but we know what it's like.
hang in there, and stay strong.
we are all on your side.
i have faith in you.

When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Kotomi Offline
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Re: guilt - August 4th 2009, 07:35 AM


Oh, I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I know how it feels to be completely dependent on self-harm. It's like the only thing that runs through your mind, everyday and every where.

Self-harming is a bad way to cope with everything and I hope you realize that, if not now then later on. Scars will trophies to you, but people will see them as either disgusting or cries of attention from an "emo kid".

I hope you find it in yourself to stop and find better ways to cope with all that's inside. Talking with a close friend or an adult that you trust is a good way to start! The recovery process is tough, but it's worth it in the end.

Please find someone to talk to! I'm praying for you Good luck!

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guilt, possibly, triggering

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