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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
ladyninetyfour Offline
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Exclamation I can't stop - August 4th 2009, 11:38 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I self harmed again last night. Because I'm so worried about my best friend (see my thread in 'Depression and Suicide' titled 'my best friend...' if you want to know why because I can't be bothered to explain and it's not the point of this thread.
I came upstairs, halfway through my tea, and went to my private drawer, scrabbled through everything in a state of panic, and found what I was looking for. I took the same piece of glass that I've been using for months (because it's the only thing that cuts cleanly, i don't have anything else particularly sharp), and dragged it across my stomach to leave not a deep cut, but a bleeding one nonetheless. That sudden sharp pain hit me and I was sort of okay, I could think a bit more clearly. I cut myself a bit more but these cuts weren't deep enough to bleed that much. My stomach no longer hurts at all, or if it does, I'm just so used to this kind of pain, if you can call it that, that I don't feel it much anymore.
I've been self harming since I was eight. I'm nearly fifteen. I started off scratching away my skin on my arms and legs until I bleed. Then when I was eleven I started to cut myself. When I was twelve, I went through a phase of burning myself, but that only lasted a couple of months. I cut everywhere now - wrists, arms, upper arms, top of my legs, stomach. I've never cut my neck, but I will often scratch it til it's red raw. And I've considered cutting my chest.
I just can't stop. I went through a phase of hardly self harming at all. I self harmed twice or three times in six months. But now that's gone. I never used to self harm until the last bit of self harm had healed over. But at the moment I have fading white scars on the top of my arms, half healed cuts on the top of my legs, and fresh cuts on my stomach. I just can't stop self harming. Everything is too much. I don't want to be doing this, and none of my cuts are deep anymore. They used to be few, and deep. Now they are many, and only just deep enough to bleed. I don't know how to stop. I don't want to end up having to cover up my whole body because I'm covered in cuts... I just can't stop.
I've even considered burning myself again - seriously. I don't know what to do - someone help. Please, tell me how I can stop.
xoxox Bex xoxox


Where there's love, there's hope
You cannot destroy me!
xoxox PunkRoxS9 xoxox


Last SH: 03/08/09
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
CherriesBlossom Offline
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Re: I can't stop - August 4th 2009, 09:03 PM

hey sweetie im sorry your having such a rough time.
have you ever thought about the alternatives
im sure there is a sticky but here are some incase you want them.


Use washable red markers to "cut" on your skin
Place your hands in freezing cold water
Listen to music/relaxation tapes
Journal , write ever emotion out and dont stop until you feel calm.

cutting is a hard addiction to break and can take awhile, but you cant continue to deal with your stress and problems this way.

have you talked to friends or a family member?
try talking to a therapist.
you need to get some help sweetie.
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Re: I can't stop - August 5th 2009, 04:18 AM

Hi Bex,

I understand being triggered because of worrying about friends. I tend to flip out because of that, too, a lot of the time.

But cutting doesn't really help anything. I know that sometimes it can feel like a way to get a hold of things, but in the end it's only a temporary way of coping, not even properly coping, that ends up getting a hold on us. Sometimes it helps to just make yourself stop right where you are, take a deep breath, and tell yourself that it'll be okay. Even if it most definitely doesn't feel that way. And whatever you're worrying about, cutting isn't going to fix that. It isn't going to provide a solution for the problem. Instead, things like pulling yarn between your fingers or squeezing a stress ball or grabbing a pen instead of something to cut with and writing on yourself instead (I tend to write "love," draw hearts, scribble swirls, write encouraging messages, stuff like that) can help. There's also a list of alternatives in a sticky. The link's http://forums.teenhelp.org/f12-self-...ves-self-harm/ . Talking out how you're feeling can help, too. Friends, family, and even helplines (I personally like 1-800-442-HOPE) can help you talk things out to feel clearer headed and also have advice from someone else on how to deal with what's going on. And feel free to PM me anytime if you'd ever like to talk.

Hang in there, Bex. You can do it.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
ladyninetyfour Offline
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Re: I can't stop - August 5th 2009, 11:11 AM

Thanks. I can't write on myself - I get really told off for that by my mum. And I've tried alternatives, they don't really work. I run freezing cold water over my hands and feet... but that's not very often. I've got help, through CAMHS. But it's only been a month or two, and I've only just found someone there I'm comfortable talking to. I want all the self harm to stop, but I've been doing it for so many years I don't know how to stop!
xoxox Bex xoxox


Where there's love, there's hope
You cannot destroy me!
xoxox PunkRoxS9 xoxox


Last SH: 03/08/09
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Re: I can't stop - August 5th 2009, 06:54 PM

i truly understand how you feel.
after doing something for so long you feel like you cant stop
but you can. cutting is so familar to you that anything else just doesnt seem right.
but you have to break that cycle. self harming isnt going to help you,
its only going to make things worse.

can you contact this person outside of camhs?
if so i highly recommend that you continue to talk to him
especially when you feel like your going to hurt yourself.
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Re: I can't stop - August 7th 2009, 02:56 AM

Hey Bex. I know what your gowing threw. self harm is a terrible thing to suffer from.
Ive bene self harming since april 2008.
Ive bene self harming since i was literly 11. and im almost 13 now.
I havent selfharmed in a while but i still have urges.

but, theyre are MANY ALTERNATIVES TO THIS.Theres some stickys on top of the selfharming main page.

I would try using ice first if you havent tried that before. It does sting a lot.
Theres rubber bands. But they can make red marks on your wrists and cause damage to your wrists possibly. But just try to be careful and try it anyway.

You can try doing what you like to do which could be reading, writing, ect.
anything healthy that you like to do thats fun.

And remember. Before hurting yourself. Think,think think. Seriously. Your mind IS A HUGE GIFT THAT CAN GET YOU OUT OF SO MANY PROBLEMS. jUST THINK AND BE POSITIVE.

Also, Remember that wanting to hurt yourself. could just be an urge that may last for only a few minutes or something like that. So if you really haft to just try the alternatives that i gave you. AND PLEASE, I CANT EXSPECT YOU TO JUST STOP IMMEDIATELY AND FOREVER, BUT DONT START BURNING YOURSELF! PLEASE JUST DONT!
and look at the alternative sticky on the main page kay?
email me whenever you like. Im on here pretty much everyday and check my emails immediately.
   
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PM me anytime!

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Re: I can't stop - August 7th 2009, 04:51 AM

Hey Bex,

I am sorry you are struggling so much but I want you to know that you can overcome this. Cutting is definitely a hard thing to stuggle with but it is not impossible to beat.

I am glad that you are talking to someone at cahms and I hope that you keep on using that resource because with time it should help. I know talking to people can be hard but it really does help.

As for the alternatives not working please give them time because your body is so used to turning to cutting when it is stressed out that it doesn't want to accept the alternatives. However, with time, you might start to notice that the alternatives do work because your body will, hopefully, slowly start to accept them.

Bex, please hang in there and if you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to pm me.

~Jenna~


   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
ladyninetyfour Offline
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Re: I can't stop - August 13th 2009, 11:24 AM

Hey
I haven't self harmed now for 10 days, and I'm really proud of that. But I've still been getting urges, and I know I'll do it again soon. At the moment, I'm not because the best present I can give my best friend for her birthday next week is to have a self harm free friend. So I'm not cutting until after her birthday.
But what about after her birthday? I'll just start self harming again... And I'll have nothing to stop myself - no motivation to be self harm free. What do I do then?
xoxox Bex xoxox


Where there's love, there's hope
You cannot destroy me!
xoxox PunkRoxS9 xoxox


Last SH: 03/08/09
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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
CherriesBlossom Offline
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Re: I can't stop - August 13th 2009, 04:22 PM

make goals for yourself like your doing now.
you wont cut for your friends birthday, well look at up coming events and
make goals to not cut and see how far you can go.
here are many alterantives for you (:

good luck!


http://forums.teenhelp.org/f12-self-harm/t9418-alternatives-self-harm/
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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
PM me anytime!

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Re: I can't stop - August 14th 2009, 04:24 AM

Hey Bex,

I think ten days is great! You should be proud of yourself as well. You should try to tell yourself that you won't go back to cutting; try not to psych yourself out. If you tell yourself "I know I am going to cut" you have a bigger chance of actually cutting again. Do you think you could give that a try? I know it is hard but it is at least worth a try. If you start doubting yourself try to push that doubt aside and maybe do some of the alternatives. Thats what I do to make myself doubt myself a little less maybe it will work for you?

I think that Katie's idea of looking up coming events and making goals to not cut for them (like you did for your friends birthday) is a great idea. If you have another friends birthday give that a try or if school is coming up try and say "I am not going to cut till school starts..." and then keep making dates. I know that this has worked for people in the past and maybe it will work for you? I know it is hard but it never hurts to try.

Bex, please hang in there and if you ever want to talk feel free to pm me.

~Jenna~


   
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Re: I can't stop - August 14th 2009, 04:36 AM

Hey Bex,

Well done for going ten days! That's awesome. Its definitely an achievement to be proud of. I agree with Jenna and Katie about the whole setting goals for yourself. I know it helped me to set goals...

Also, don't give up on the alternatives just yet. It takes time for them to work and find the ones that help you the most but theres quite the list. You have to find the ones that work for you but don't lose hope alright?

<3 Take care hun and if you need anything at all we're always here for ya
   
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Re: I can't stop - August 14th 2009, 06:29 AM

Hi Bex,

I'm so proud of you for not having self-harmed for ten days!!! That's amazing!!!! I definitely agree with everyone's advice. Maybe you could also give yourself a birthday present by having been a self-harm-free self for so long on your birthday? I was told that it apparently takes at least six months for someone to really start being over all the urges and whatnot, so I'm currently trying to make it six months, as way to try to stay self-harm free for even longer. I'm setting a time period in the hopes of reaching a more permanent solution. Maybe you could try going for six months, too?

Hang in there, Bex. You should be really proud of yourself, and I know you can keep going!


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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