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Bri_Christine Offline
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is it worth it ? - August 8th 2009, 01:19 AM

I've been clean about 7 months, and I honestly haven't even thought about cutting up until about a month ago, when reality hit me.

My boyfriend of almost 9 months is going away to college and it's really hitting me hard. He'll only be about 40 minutes away, but it's really stressing me out. He has epilepsy, so he can't drive, he's only a month seizure free. I'm so worried he's going to go to school and drink or get involved in bad things and break his seizure free streak. it's a miracle he's gone this long without one. we're extremely dependant on each other. i've watched him almost die, i've spend countless hours in the hospital with him, he's had two seizures almost in my arms. it's terrifying, the thought of him being away from me.

i don't like ti when people leave. i don't deal with stress well. or change. i just don't know how to cope with this, the only way i cant think of is to hurt myself because that's what i'm just so used to. =[

i feel like it's okay to just let go and do it, because then i won't be so moody or depressed. i just don't know. =[


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Re: is it worth it ? - August 8th 2009, 05:20 AM

Being clean for that long has an impact on you. If you were to cut in the heat of the moment, then when you finally clam down and think about what happened, you'll be so mad at throwing away those months and that work.

Your boyfriend has to learn to take care of himself, you can't help and worry and love, but you can't be there to hold his hand through everything. I feel like your relationship with him is very co-dependent, which isn't too healthy.

Honestly, it isn't worth it, hold on. It gets tough, but it will get better, it always gets better.

Learning to cope with things is part of life, but cutting isn't a way to cope, it's just a harmful way to make you think you're doing better.

Keep onto that seven months, and feel free to PM me.


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Re: is it worth it ? - August 8th 2009, 07:34 AM

Hey there,

First I want to congratulate you on going so long without cutting; that is awesome .

If you feel like you are going into 'slip-up mode' try and think of the way it will make you feel afterwards; whenever I do that it helps me stay away from it. Although cutting might bring you some release in the end it really isn't worth it because the feeling that comes afterwards, usually, makes you feel worse.

If you are worried about your boyfriend why don't you try talking to him about your fears? Maybe if he understood how scared you were he could help ease the fear and maybe even come up with ways to make the transition better(Instant messaging each other, talking on the phone, writing letters) Also, I know your boyfriend can't drive but I was wondering if there was any other way for you to visit him? Maybe you could get a ride from your parents occasionally or if you have a license maybe you could drive up there? Another thing is that if you are going to college soon (and planning on going to the same college as your boyfriend) the school year really does fly by so try to think positely; tell yourself things like I only have a few more months till we can be closer.

I hope this helped and if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.

~Jenna~


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Re: is it worth it ? - August 10th 2009, 08:27 AM

Congrats on the 7 months!
Can I say, from a person that's been there, you don't want to cut. I broke an 8 month streak, and I felt like scum. Absolute scum. And now that I think about it, it wasn't worth it. A few weeks later, things started getting better and I started coping normally.
Please don't do it. Please, you will feel so much better if you can hold on a few more months and make it to the first year free mark. Then you can go out and celebrate. You can go visit him, have a nice dinner, and hang out. And think about how much that would hurt him if you hurt yourself. Please hang on.
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