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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
UltraViolet Offline
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scars/cuts - August 10th 2009, 04:38 PM

i cover mine up all the time.
theres only 2 people i occasionally talk to that know i SH, and i talk to them about it sometimes.
and even they havent seen them.
a couple of times that iv been drunk my sleaves have come up my arms, and people and seen, but they've never asked.
they most likely hav guessed since iv constently been covered up for the past 3 years, no-one cares enough to ask me, and thats fine with me.
my mum sort of knew, but doesnt, about my SH, she sometimes tells me to take my jumper off when its hot, and i'll make an excusse.
she acts ded susspicious sometimes.
iv got loads of scars on the top of my legs and the whole lengh of my forarms.
iv been tryin to cut only on the top of my forarms, by my elbow, so that i can wear 3/4 sleves more easy.
but i can only do that at night when its dark becasue of my scars.
im in abit of a pickle actually.
becasue im not tryin to stop SH, cos i know i'll just go bk to it.
but iv not cut for a week.
and i love that fact that the ones on my legs hav really faded, apart from a set of 20ish scars, that i did a few weeks ago.
and on my arms, some have faded that there now turning white rather that a deep red.
i really like that there fading. but i dont aswell.
i feel proud(?) of my scars.
i like looking at them, but only me.
i like seeing them, and if they fade what am i left with? feels like nothing to me.
i find it really hard to explain.
and im makin a crap job of this.
can anyone help me to understand what i mean!
eep
sorry


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: scars/cuts - August 10th 2009, 05:28 PM

I understand. I havn't cut in almost a month and while a lot of the scars are permanent, I almost hope that they don't fade even though I need them to since my family and I are going to go on vacation next summer and we'll certainly be swimming...
But I know what you mean. You want them gone but you also don't want them to... Anyway. At least it helps to know you're not alone right?



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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: scars/cuts - August 10th 2009, 06:30 PM

yeh, im still finding it hard to understand what i mean.
i love the scars, hate the cuts.
hate that theres no pain in the scars, love all the pain to the cuts.
and i really wannt cut now, but i want them to turn into scars right now.
and impressive(?), well not impressive, but deep cuts, good scars, good reminder, but to only me.
i cant b bothered cuttin my legs, feels like no pain, but to cut on my forarms, would b longer still that i hav to always b completly covered.
maybe the top of my arms?
yeh i think, maybe
urrgh, idk


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Re: scars/cuts - August 11th 2009, 09:11 AM

I think you should try to talk to those 2 people who know about you self-harming more. It sounds like you do have a want to stop cutting, but you don't want to have to deal with feeling bad for relapsing. If you say to yourself that you know you're going to go back to cutting even if you try then you are going to go back to it. Relapses happen to everyone, but if you try to get to the point where you don't have to fight cutting so hard you will feel so much better. You don't have to keep cutting to make more scars, the ones you have will be a constant reminder of things. I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say, but you don't have to keep adding pain. It's really not safe to not want to stop cutting and not have some sort of support. You should really try to find someone you can talk to about your cutting-- a friend or your mom or a counselor or someone. PM me if you ever need anything.


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Dream of me, run out free, capture your words and never let them go."

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Re: scars/cuts - August 11th 2009, 07:21 PM

I understand completley...I love my scars to death. I havent cut in two years and luckly for me my scars don't fade easily so im probley going to have them forever. But for me they tell a story of what I have been through in my life and shows the struggles I have overcome.


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Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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Re: scars/cuts - August 17th 2009, 07:10 AM

its the worst when you get tan and the scars on your arms look white as hell .. my mom kept asking me why i was wearin hoodies in the dead middle of summer, but i figured it was better to see long sleeves than slashed arms ? ive been clean about a month but i still think about it way more than i should...
   
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Re: scars/cuts - August 17th 2009, 07:11 AM

and i just re-read this whole thread now .. i dont understand why i love my scars either .. i dont want anyone else to see them really but as long as i can still see them i feel betteer
   
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