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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
rat Offline
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Name: Harriet
Age: 27
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At a loss - August 16th 2009, 02:05 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So, hi everyone, it's me, Harriet, some of you know me already.
So I posted a thread a while ago about how I failed and I couldn't resist the urge and got some really supportive replies, thanks so much. So this isn't gonna be so much a lament for my situation, more that I'm a bit confused.
So here goes: Basically, I was just at this summer camp for 2 weeks, and I just got back. It was really intensive, (it's like this ancient Greek Summer School thing) and it really knocked my confidence while I was there, also I had no access to this website (which has been my ROCK for the past month- thank you guys all so much). So picture me, stuck in the middle of nowhere with no-one to talk about my issues, getting more and more miserable as I realised how clever everyone was and feeling a bit meh in general.
This doesn't sound too bad, really, does it? And I know that, I mean, I know I overreacted but last week it all got a bit much, I was rejected by this guy who said he liked me but then got off with my friend, I had to lie to my parents and say how well everything was going while I watched my dreams being crushed and my parents were arguing more than ever. So last week I overdosed on painkillers, not wanting to cut myself...I didn't want to kill myself (at least I don't think so) just go to sleep for a really long time (I'm an insomniac too) and then spent the rest of the time self harming whenever I needed to, especially when I was drunk - more of a fail than ever.
So now, I'm home, and I have to go to Cornwall in a few days with my family and go to the beach, wear a short sleeves etc, showing to the world the scars which I have been so careful to avoid over the last few months - great. So I just....well I didn't know what to do, and coming here always makes me feel better, I froze up again in s&a in chat so I thought if I just got it out here it would make me feel better.
Thanks so much if you've taken the time to read this far and sorry to take up your time.

I hope for nothing
I fear nothing
I am free
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: At a loss - August 16th 2009, 02:30 PM

Wow.. I'm new to this forum and I am being patient, so don't get the wrong idea, but I need help and no one has responded to my topic yet, hours later.. First of all, I haven't seen your first post, secondly until two months ago I didn't understand people at all so I'm new to this emotional stuff so if my words seem shallow, empty or meaningless then I apologise.. However I want to try, because I love people and hearing about anyone suffering like this makes me feel terrible.. So I'll respond, at least so you know someone read it and that people care.. Even if I can't say anything that's very helpful..

I read the whole thing.. Firstly, I can't say for sure but that guy who said he liked you obviously wasn't a very good friend.. There are people in the world who don't care how they emotionally hurt others, and it really is sad.. But people are wonderful, and on the other hand there are many caring people out there. If you're looking for love I'm sure you'll find a nice guy eventually.

As for this forum.. You can't really help being away from it but what you just said was a wonderful testimonial, if they give you so much support then you just payed them back very nicely, you sound like a wonderful person.

I still don't know what kind of support you got from this site.. But if your parents will find out soon anyway.. Sorry if this is a heartless thing to say.. But.. You should tell them.. Let them know you trust them.. It'll take their minds off arguing, make them feel good that you trust them and they could help you see a doctor so you don't have useless people like myself giving you worthless comments over the net..

Rather than feeling bad about making your parents worry, telling them before they find out themselves and knowing that you've been lying to them, is the best thing to do. It let's them know that you trust them and they could get you more help than you could get over the net I'm sure..

Sorry if I've made any incorrect assumptions.. But you lying to your parents.. Is it because you don't want them to worry? And also the nice things you said about this forum.. You seem like a wonderful, wonderful person. I'm sure you will find a nice boy eventually... And hopefully things with your parents will work out.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: At a loss - August 16th 2009, 03:34 PM

it is nice to hear from you, we all go in such tough times, and new expieriences /atmospheres are not always a good refresh. and from time to time we would all go in those ups and downs so do not worry about it. just believe in your self, because we believe in you (you have enough courage to talk about your problems)

that guy who went out with your friend is 'STUPID', he obviously does not know what he wants, and he lost, I do not think he deserves your time any way (he obviously does not know what to do with his)

about the cuts and short sleeves you can try a water proof facial concealer on your arms (always works) or a double vaseline (yes feet vaseline) layer with another layer of water proof pouder , you can always wear distractions (jewlery, accessoiries) and of course putting some fake tatus can shade it up so it becomes unclear (if you ever needed to lie 'hitted the rocks while swimming or feel of the skate boared)

hope to see you better soon .

If ur at the bottom then cheer it only can go better
If you are lonely then smile
You do not need them to stay alive
If they hurt you bad ,been hurt worst and every thing is just pushing u down...
And even though you are strong enough to survive

p.m me.........I quite like it

  (#4 (permalink)) Old
*Jen* Offline
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Re: At a loss - August 17th 2009, 03:38 PM

Hey Harriet,

You should never be sorry for posting! I am glad you posted because it sounds like you could do with some extra support right now. You can post as much as you like so never feel bad for posting.

The guy that rejected you isn't worth it. You deserve much better than that and if he thinks he can treat you like that then he really isn't worth your time. You should move on and find someone who is worth your time and will treat you how you should be treated. At the end of the day it is his loss and he obviously doesn't know what he is missing!

It is a difficult situation to be in having to go on holiday with family and wear short sleeves. Do your parents know about your self harm at all? You might like to check out the cover up techniques thread, which has many suggestions. Things like bio oil are meant to be good but since you are going in a few days I don't think it will work, because it takes time. You could try using make up and wearing lots of bracelets. Or you could try wearing sweat bands. If you feel more comfortable then perhaps just wear a thin long sleeve top. I know how horrible it is when you have to wear long sleeves when it is so hot. But try to enjoy your time away and not let your self harm get in the way. People will probably be busy enjoying themselves rather than looking out for scars.

I hope you have a lovely time away
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
rat Offline
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Re: At a loss - August 19th 2009, 08:52 PM

Thanks so much guys!! The support I get from this place is so appreciated! Thanks for the cover up techniques - I am using bio-oil but it takes aggesss.
I'm still scared about this friday, especially since I know I'll give in and take my blades with me...I'm gonna leave the painkillers behind though! But I'm taking each day at a time, 24 hrs si-free!!
I'm not telling my parents...yet, it's complicated... but thanks for your encouragement.
Much Love

I hope for nothing
I fear nothing
I am free
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