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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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What made YOU start self harming? - August 17th 2009, 05:18 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So lately I've been thinking about my first time cutting.
what were my reasons???

I want to know when you first self harmed and why?

I guess I'll go first:
I first started cutting when I was a freshman in high school. I think I was 14 and it was right after I broke up with my boyfriend and while my best friend and I were fighting. I lost the two closest people to me. The idea of cutting just popped into my head and I had never thought of doing it before. But at the time I was in desperate need of something.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 17th 2009, 05:27 AM

I started cutting in 8th grade think I was 14-15 at the time. I started to harm myself because of the constant stress I was put under at home. I lived with a negleciful abusive mother and a demon spawn sister. Her goal was to make me suffer as much as possible to where I had no social life. She allways got me introuble for things I never did. I was beaten daily and choke slammed through a glass table. I suffer from pain from the abuse still today. Thats what made me do it. I felt better about everything. I felt like I could escape from all my problems for those few great seconds.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 17th 2009, 05:31 AM

Mine was grade 10, in november. My friend Melanie was playing around scratching herself with a tin can, but it was because her brother didn't think she would do it. Then a few days later, I got in trouble for driving myself and my best friend to a pool and I lied about going there to do a warm down practice, and my parents found out, and my family went out to lunch without me that day, didn't tell me they were leaving, and I felt so alone. I didn't have any access to call anyone, I didn't have my computer, I didn't know where my family was. Then I remembered what Melanie did, and so I did it too, except I used a knife, and from there I have continued to cut since then.


However there was one incident in 7th grade where I pierced my own ear because my mum said I couldn't get my ear's pierced, I guess I could consider that self harm as well. So technically that was my first time SH, it was a long fight with my mum.
   
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 07:06 AM

Cutting, I was depressed. I was sad, alone, and confused, and I didn't know what to do to make it better. Hurting myself always felt okay, so I just did it. My parents found out after that though, but that just made things worse actually.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 07:33 AM

7th grade, I had too much stress, my family was splitting up. My sister and mom were always fighting. I was feeling so alone,so unloved,unattractive. It started with scraching using safety pins. Now I use generally razors.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 01:09 PM

I was quite young- 12, if I remember correctly. Maybe 11.

It started as a way for me to take my mind off what was going on in the house. One day, when my dad was shouting, I just wanted something that would make it impossible for me to focus on the shouting. So I hurt myself, and it worked. Then it just became familiar/a habit.
   
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 01:38 PM

i think i first started by total accident. ny friend dropped a pair of scissors on my wrist and it bled a bit...i found such relief then and took it up. i didn't even know what self harm was then
   
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 01:38 PM

It was like 2 years ago or something i think.
I can't remember exactly when, but it felt good.

Then it became a habit, something goes wrong=cut.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 03:02 PM

It was this time last year. Around the may time my friend had done it once and there was a massive fight over it which was really hard to cope with. Then over summer I had been on a 10-day camp and people were talking about it, i had attempted before but never managed. Then i had another big fight with my mum, came upstairs and did it. I promised myself i wouldnt do it again but here i am, one year on still doing it. I guess i do it when im down, lonely, have inside pain, am confused, have too much going on in my head, feel fat, feel worthless/useless, feel out of control etc...



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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 03:21 PM

My first time was on December 1st 2007 I was 13 and in year 8. on that day it was3 years since my grannies death and I was upset over that. My friends had all been having arguements which I hated. I felt alone. When I got home my parents where argueing with my sister for the 1 millionth time so I strached my self and felt alot better.

My first cut was around march, April time in 2008 by this point stratching wasnt working.
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 09:19 PM

I started harming myself with 10, and cutting started 2 years ago. all because of my dad and my so called best friend
it's starting again though.. :/



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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 09:35 PM

I started bout 3years ago now and i remember it very well, i was struggling with my body image as i still am and had ate too much, i did it as a punishment to myself. I remember watching the blood pour, i didn't really think too much when i did it, after i said i'd not do it again but i carried on, i have scars all over and regret it now, though i still get the urge to do it sometimes and every once in a while i give in still


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 09:36 PM

I started November 9, 2008. I had just turned fourteen a little over a month ago. I felt so depressed then, and I didn't know what to do. No one I talked to seemed to understand. I really didn't have any friends, my family was fighting, and I had all these feelings I couldn't explain. I don't know where I picked up the idea of cutting, but I decided that hurting myself would at least be better than killing myself, so that's what I did. Then I just kept doing it.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 09:45 PM

My reasons for starting and continuing at it are kinda different... I started because my 8th grade year was much more rough than usual... I had 2 of my best friends at my school convince most of the rest of the school that I wasn't cool or trendy enough to have friends. So for most of 8th grade, and going into high school, I had zero friends. What pushed it over the edge was that I had 6 friends, family, and pets die in 7 (almost 8) months. I couldn't go to my family for help simply because my family is.. well, crazy. So I just took it out on myself.
Later I started to do it out of self-hate and being triggered by my family life getting more and more stressful, money problems, possible divorce, ext. Even though I deny it my boyfriend says that my family, dad especially, is actually abusive. He's not nice, hes rude and sexist and had been known to leave bruises, but he doesn't touch me at all anymore. Only says some shit. But it's not bad enough to get away, that's the annoying part. It'd be a waste of time to try, by the time it got all sorted out, I'd be 18 and living on my own legally without having to go to court.
ANYWAY... If nothing triggered me, sometimes I still did it simply because I became addicted and felt like I needed it. That's mostly toward the end as it got progressivly worse and I tried to stop every now and then.

Now I've almost gone a full month, next friday to be exact, without cutting or harming myself in any other way. (Been known to do other stuff, burning..ODing on adverage painkillers..slamming my hand in the locker..But none of those because a need like cutting did. Never did them as often)
I practically had an intervention from my boyfriend and his dad about how I was getting worse and worse... like "You have the symptoms of an alcoholic without the alcohol... Soon you'll be cutting up your entire arm because thats the minimum it will take to get what you think you need... If you don't stop you'll wind up in the hospital, or in the ground" Stuff like that was from my boyfriend, his dad took us out into some woods nearby and talked a lot about addictive behaviors... how to stop... what happens if you dont... They both really opened up my eyes in different ways, but I probably wouldn't have gone a month without both.

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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 10:38 PM

I started self harming at a young age, Igt was unintentional, but when I look back it was self harm, biting my nails to the core and bashing my head on the wall.

I started cutting, in an anger reaction, with scissors when I was 13.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 10:46 PM

I started self-harming at a very young age not think anything about it like 5...by picking scabs scratching skin till i bleed and shoving saftey pins in my feet and pulling the skin off. But I started cutting the summer going into 9th grade because I was stressed out and everything was just shitty


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 11:07 PM

i was young. twelve i think.
i thought
"why not try?"
it turned out that it hurt really bad, but i liked the pain.
so i started doing it more and more.
first with a compass, then with a knife, then with a key, then with a razor.
i just got addicted and couldn't stop.
all because i was curious.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 11:14 PM

I was twelve when I first started cutting. I was being bullied at school, my home life was a complete mess, being emotionally abused by my step-mum and not feeling like I belonged anywhere. I also had severe body image issues, was completely depressed and hated being me. I saw a program on self harm, and thought that if it worked for them, it would work for me too. It seemed logical, I was hurting just like those people, I hated myself just as much as they hated themselves. So I made that first cut. And 5 years later I'm still caught in that pattern.
   
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 18th 2009, 11:46 PM

i started around two years ago. Im not sure why i thought about doing it. I just self so low, and wanted it to stop, and grabbed the nearest thing to me. Now its just an addiction.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 19th 2009, 09:00 PM

I started last year in the middle of 10th grade. I was always wearing sweaters since it was cold outside. I couldn't keep my focus in school, my grades were slipping, my parents were mad, and my friends started to ignore me. I ate alone at lunch. I had friends with the shows I was in but I was too stressed from those shows. I couldn't quit cause they were the only friends I had. Then a friend of mine who moved away actually committed suicide. I was shocked. So taken aback I wondered how. They said he had died by cutting along a vein. I decided I'd never do that.. so I traced the veins instead. Now I can't stop.
   
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 19th 2009, 10:19 PM

One of my good friends cut herself with a paperclip during class. I just couldn't understand why anyone would harm themselves intentionally. I wanted to know what it felt like to hurt yourself instead of being hurt accidentally, so I scraped my wrist with a metal ruler. At first I didn't like it too much. Then it turned into a sort of addiction/coping mechanism.

I am mostly over it now, though. I found better ways to deal with the things around me. =]
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 19th 2009, 10:50 PM

[Triggering] Back when I was 7 years old, I was being really bullied at school. We had just moved house and I had lost all my friends, I didn't know what to do because I had gone from being liked to being hated.

I remember once my arm was really itchy, and I scratched it on a brick wall. It felt so good. I didn't really self harm often (maybe once a week / once a month). Just to sort of cope. When I was 11, I moved to secondary school and still made no friends. Puberty started kicking in and I just couldn't take everything going on in my life. I remember just taking a pencil sharpner appart. I used that quote often, and then slowly it got more severe. I only ever did that on my legs until December '08.

It was ironically when I started shaving that I started to 'step up' if you like on the tools. I started on my legs and it got out of control. I started doing it on my arms in March 2009.

I've tried to stop in the past, and It has worked for a little while, but right now self harm is my coping stratergy. I live with it, not fight it. If people don't like me for it, then they don't deserve to be my friend. I wear T shirts every where now (In fact it was a very special person on here that gave me the confidence to). But still, to this day my parents are unaware of what I do. My cousins know, and my closest friends.

But I've managed to hide it from my parents for 10 years. I wouldn't ever recommend anybody to take up self harm.



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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 20th 2009, 06:59 AM

I was 17 or 18, I think. I was feeling very angry, sad, and alone. I wanted to stop thinking. I knew from doctors visits that if I got stuck by a needle or saw my blood, I'd start fainting. At first I found a sewing needle and started poking myself, and it made me feel a bit dizzy, but I wasn't close to fainting. So I cut myself a little bit to make me bleed, and then all I could focus on was the dizziness and the fainting.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 20th 2009, 07:08 AM

I was 12 wen i first started cutting cuz at age 11 i was raped by someone i really loved... i took to cutting a couple months after the molesting and rapes started happening...
   
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 20th 2009, 07:28 AM

I was in the 5th grade, almost the summer. I was about 10, and I heard about it in a few cases. I didn't think about it much. Then, my parents got a divorce, and me and my mom moved into my aunt's house where I had to share a room(and like queen sized bed) with my mom. I only visited my dad durring the days, and he tried make sure it wasn't at my(well his house) and it was only once in a great while. Since my mom and I shared a room, I couldn't cry, or she would cry and yell at me for being insensitive to her problems and emotions. Durring the day, I'd either be haning out with one of my cousins who lived there that I wasn't close to, or the neighbor girl I hardly knew. So, the only real time I had alone was in the bathroom, and one day, I was SO stressed out that I grabbed one of those metal nailfiles and just started cutting.
   
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 21st 2009, 07:17 AM

I started self harming this year (I feel I'm rather lucky to have gone this long without such a problem or such pain) when my new friend from another state became close to me. She self harmed all the time and I hung out with her a lot, assuming I could change her state of mind and make her happier. I guess in a way I made her happier.. but not in the way I wanted. At all. She told me that I was the reason she self harmed. By giving her something to blame it all on, it made her feel better. But I started to rip myself to shreds. How could I do something to such a good friend? What was wrong with me? Then I started to look back at everything, and noticed something wrong with each part of my life. Being the younger-middle daughter and having such a hard time proving myself to my parents. Sharing all my friends with my siblings and not having a friend that was just mine and only mine. One that I could share secrets too and they wouldn't blab them to my family. Getting all these things that seemed nice, but were really hand-me-downs or I wasn't the only person in the house who had it. My Birthday present (a new phone, which was buy-one-get-one-free.. I got the free one. My parents told me.). Everything kind of came crashing down at once.

Then my friend from out of state (a completely different friend) committed suicide out of the blue. I was crushed. Then I was convinced it was okay to attempt suicide on a regular basis. It must have also been okay to self harm on an hourly basis. I would sit in class and trace things (not into my desk but into my arm). I would wear big jackets no matter the weather and hide my face under my hair. I sat alone at lunch and hardly talked to people. The self harm got worse and worse and worse.. and hasn't stopped yet.
   
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 21st 2009, 01:51 PM

this is going to sound awful, but one of my friends was doing it and i wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

i cut or burnt a few times after that, but i guess i'm lucky in the fact that i never felt addicted to it at all. i could stop whenever i wanted.. and one time i decided that i wouldn't do it again, so i didn't.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 21st 2009, 02:26 PM

My self-harming started when I was fourteen. May 2nd, 2009. One day before my little sister's tenth birthday. I used a scissors because I just wanted to know what it would feel like. It seemed like nothing at the time. I thought I would be fine. I wasn't. It turned into so much more than scratches with a scissors. I began breaking apart razors to get the blades inside in late June, early July.

I don't really remember what drove me to do it the first time. Maybe the boyfriend. It could've been my dad as our relationship has been pretty rocky for around four years now. Mostly I remember just wanting the feeling. I felt weird after the first time. Relieved of everything. Kind of high. No drugs needed. When I told my boyfriend I wasn't really scared of what he'd say.

I don't think I really had to say ALL of this. Things just come out sometimes.

Summary: Started at age fourteen on the afternoon of May Second, 2009 because I wanted to know how it would feel.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 21st 2009, 03:14 PM

I started cutting at the age of 11. My uncle was babysitting my brother and I. So I left home for a bit, ended up staying at my friends house, where her brother ended up raping me.. So thats when I started.. I stopped for about 6 months when I was 13 and in grade 8 because I loved grade 8. Then started again in grade 9.

However I am currently at 16 days without it.. and I couldn't do it without a couple great people from this site!



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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 21st 2009, 03:55 PM

I don't really it. It was just a failed attempt at suicide. I wanted to cut my wrist in hot water so that I could die. But somehow I knew that it wouldn't help so I just went on cutting till I had 13 cuts. That was in one night. And after that I just gave up on everything.
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 21st 2009, 04:28 PM

I think that I was around 12 years old and I think I had an argument with my parents or something (I really can't remember) and I felt a lot of pressure and stress. I then proceeded to lock myself in my parent's en-suite and use a pair of scissors to try and cut my wrists - I didn't go very far or really succeed in what I was doing, nevertheless it would be my first time self-harming.
   
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 21st 2009, 05:32 PM

My first time would probably be after a huge fight with my mum, started over a glass of spilled milk. She had a serious go at me until I stormed off and locked myself in my room. I cut an X on my wrist with my pocket knife and then wound up leaving home for the better part of the night....



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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 21st 2009, 05:36 PM

Hey
I was eight at a new school. I was really badly bullied - pushed in front of a bus, stones thrown at me, pushed through a fence, spat on, kicked under tables etc etc. My parents kept telling me off all the time too. So I installed the belief that there was something wrong with me and I began self-harming.
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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 21st 2009, 11:11 PM

The first time I cut was October 31st, 2007. I was 11 years old, in Grade Seven. Strangely, I`m not sure why exactly. Looking back on it, I think it had something to do with the fact that one of the guys in my class was an ``emo`` for Halloween.
My friend was over at my house, and I started it--I was mimicking this other guy in my class that had been cutting as a joke during a song that was playing in Science one day. It just escalated from there--we started trading the pair of scissors back and forth.
At school the next day, people discovered that we had been cutting. My friend told the principal that it was because we were being bullied (something pretty believable at our school). I thought she really meant that was why she had, but she later told me she was just following my lead. I feel extremely guilty for that, especially since her parents found out about it and mine never did. My friend never cut again, but it became a sort of obsession for me.
I was cut free for more than a year, owing to the fact I became immersed in my writing--fanfiction for Twilight as well as an original story of my own. But writing isn`t enough anymore, it seems--I cut again today. So that`s why I`m here, because I realized I need a support system, as I can`t handle it alone.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 21st 2009, 11:28 PM

i started this past winter and there were just so many different reasons i started.. basically it was just overwhelming stress and pressure, being used by some guy, and my parents constantly fighting. it eventually got to be to much and i locked myself in my room and cut.. at the time not even realizing the gravity of what i was constantly doing to myself.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 21st 2009, 11:30 PM

I was twelve.
It felt like no one listened to me. My voice and my opinions kept being dismissed, particularly by my parents, and I wasn't able to release my anger. I wanted to hurt someone, and the only person that I could really do it to was myself.
As I kept self-harming other reasons came into it as well, but that was why I started.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 22nd 2009, 05:05 AM

I was 13 and I did it because I felt alone. Things were bad at home. My mom was doing her 'sleeping thing' and I felt abondoned again and my brothers were yelling and mocking my emotions. I went into my room and cut. I have been doing it ever since.


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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 22nd 2009, 07:01 AM

I was 12 and in 7th grade. I was falling into depression, feeling lost, and was about to start doing drugs. I saw that one of my best friends (Hanna) had a lot of marks on her wrists. I made a mental connection, went home and cut my wrists with a blade I popped out of a Schick fusion razor. I was actually scared I was bleeding too much. After I felt the release, it was love. I'm now struggling to stop, and doing well.




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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 22nd 2009, 07:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bitesize View Post
I was twelve.
It felt like no one listened to me. My voice and my opinions kept being dismissed, particularly by my parents, and I wasn't able to release my anger. I wanted to hurt someone, and the only person that I could really do it to was myself.
As I kept self-harming other reasons came into it as well, but that was why I started.
Kinda This...
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxEllexx View Post
this is going to sound awful, but one of my friends was doing it and i wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
Kinda This Too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nina Twin View Post
One of my good friends cut herself with a paperclip during class. I just couldn't understand why anyone would harm themselves intentionally. I wanted to know what it felt like to hurt yourself instead of being hurt accidentally, so I scraped my wrist with a metal ruler. At first I didn't like it too much. Then it turned into a sort of addiction/coping mechanism.

I am mostly over it now, though. I found better ways to deal with the things around me. =]
Mostly This...




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Re: What made YOU start self harming? - August 22nd 2009, 09:15 AM

I started last year...my brother yelled at me and i couldn't take it so i cut myself in the shower...the blood on my moms razor blade still taunts me and it wont wash off :/


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