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-   -   Triggering (SH): The urge won last night. (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t23253-urge-won-last-night/)

Liz94 August 18th 2009 03:31 PM

The urge won last night.
 
Ok so all day I had been feeling really depressed as a result I did nothing productive. I just watched TV and wen on the computer.
My parents and sister where argueing on and off all day because ym sister As (year 12) results are coming out on thur and all the talk about them and universities was stressing them all out.

Then my parents shouted at me saying I was stupid and shouldn't bring my bad mood down on the house all the time and dad told me to stop making mum tired , stressed and ill.
My sister then told me to go away and get a life.

By this point I loathed myself and the urge came on.

And because it had been a very stressful day on top of the fact the urge was so strong due to 25 days of freedom. I gave up.

I cut 35 time son the top of my right thigh. moderately deep. It bleed alot actually and is very sensitive. And even though Im partly annoyed at myself for giving in. The feeling of the blade across my skin and the release it gave me really carmed me down and let me sleep. But of corse now Ive got the release the memory of release and feeling like I can cope with life again is much much fresher in my head and is making me want to cut today and cut more today.
LIZ

Naomi. August 18th 2009 03:37 PM

Re: The urge won last night.
 
Liz it's okay, yes you slipped up, but you managed 25 days!!!! That is absolutely amazing!!!! Seriously, you are so strong, i could never do that. I'm so proud of you and you should be proud of yourself to. :)
Ily, text me any time. :) xxx

Palmolive August 18th 2009 04:19 PM

Re: The urge won last night.
 
Hey there Elizabeth.

Im really sorry to hear you feel like this. I know how hard it must be for you. The thing is, you went a whole twenty five days with out. That is how strong you. Everyone has steps backs, but you cant let it put you off, because you can beat this. I can understand the arguing is hard, but i think exams and universites are a stressfull thing to talk about it. Its such a big thing, that it something people worry about. So no matter how hard it is when things like this happen, you have to walk away from it, and calm down and remember its normal, and its okay.

Just remember how you did it before and what a great achievement it was, and start again. Im always here if you ever need a chat.
- Jessie

*Jen* August 19th 2009 01:26 AM

Re: The urge won last night.
 
Hey Liz,

It sounds like you are going through a lot right now. But as everyone else has said 25 days is amazing! That is nearly a month, which is a long time to go without self harm so I think you did fantastic to go that long. I know you have slipped up now but Liz you have only slipped up. Slip ups happen all the time and they are part of recovery. You went a whole 25 days without it, which suggests to me that you can do it!

You are not stupid and I am sorry your parents said that. You are just going through a hard time. When you are depressed it is hard to just pick yourself up and it seems like they don't understand how it feels like for you.

You don't have to cut again Liz. It doesn't help really does it. It might help in the short term but now you are left feeling like you can't cope with life and can only cope with it by self harming. You are stronger than that. Use that strength inside of you that got you through those 25 days to fight the urges. I am here if you need anything at all.

Stay strong :)


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