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faded rainbow Offline
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Join Date: January 7th 2009

Scared - August 23rd 2009, 08:30 PM

this maybe in the wrong forum i dont know?
its been 3 weeks since my nan died ive been signed of work cos i took it hard and im ment to be going back on friday.
however my mum dad and sister are apparently going away tuesday till saturday, normally i wouldnt care i like being alone anyway but i feel like i need my mum here for me on friday because i dont think its going to be easy, im scared that if shes not here i'll end up really down upset and end up cutting and i dont want to.
she told me if i feel i cant cope with going back maybe i should get signed of again but thats not the answer i dont wana go back cos its been so long and im still struggling with nans death but if i dont try it i dont know and i have to go back at some point right i just dont wana go in find i cant cope with being there and come home to nobody because ive fought the urges of cutting so far but if i have to deal with this alone i dont know what i'll do i fear i wont be in control of myself i already feel like i wish i could have gone with nan
would i be selfish in asking them to stay? its not like its a paid holiday and i know it was planned before all this happened but i 1.wasnt going to be working this much and 2.didnt know i'd be signed of for all this time
im not sure how i'll cope being thrown back in with 3 straight days ...

im just so tired of being here
suppresed by all my childish fears

these wounds wont seem to heal
this pain is just too real
theres just too much that time cannot erase

waterloo road fans http://petitions.tigweb.org/saveeddie
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dancer Offline
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Age: 29
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Scared - August 24th 2009, 04:41 AM

Hey there,

I think that this fits in this forum, no worries

I'm really sorry to hear about what happened; coping with losing people like that can be really hard. I can definitely understand how going back to work would seem intimidating right now - but maybe it'll turn out that the biggest push really is the just going back to work, and not being there. Work might help give you something to channel your focus into, to help you cope with all the other emotions right now. I think it would be okay for you to ask them to stay, too. It's great that you can recognize that as something that would help you - remember, you deserve to be good to yourself through this, to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. If it turns out they can't stay, ask for their help in figuring out what else you could do to make sure you have a "fallback" to help you cope with everything that's going on. Maybe being able to call them, or a friend? Calling a helpline if you ever start to feel overwhelmed or like hurting yourself might also be a good idea; I personally like Hopeline, 1-800-442-HOPE.

Talking to your doctor about how you're feeling would also probably be a good idea. Doctors understand how low people can feel when dealing with things like the death of someone close to them, and your doctor will be able to help you figure out a plan to help you cope, too.

Hang in there. Feel free to PM me anytime if you ever need to talk about anything.

Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
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