TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
JustARandomGirl Offline
Average Joe
***
 
JustARandomGirl's Avatar
 
Gender: Female

Posts: 131
Join Date: January 20th 2009

Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 24th 2009, 09:37 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So basically I told my best friend about my self harm and yeah he's not exactly helpful. Heres one of our conversations.

Rory says:
this is why people think your emo
Rory says:
no offence
Mega Madness. says:
who thinks im emo exactly?
Rory says:
everyone
Mega Madness. says:

my friends? even you?

Rory says:
i don't but cutting yourself because it "feels" good is emo
Mega Madness. says:
yeah well you dont understand and i wouldnt expect you too.
Rory says:
i do megan you know i do, its just that cuts don't make anything better, it is just something else you have to worry about
Rory says:
i do think cutting is emo, its incredibley emo, that what emo pretty much is, but it doesn't mean i think YOUR emo, just some things you do like cutting
Mega Madness. says:
whatever
Mega Madness. says:
im trying my hardest here to quit. and iim frustrated because its hard.
Mega Madness. says:
and to be told cutting is emo dosent help
Rory says:
it should, if you don't want to be emo thne don't cut, anywho find something constructive to do
Mega Madness. says:
im trying
Mega Madness. says:
thats the thing
Mega Madness. says:
i am trying my hardest
Mega Madness. says:
and no one seems to understand that
Rory says:
who can't undertand that, by the sounds of it i'm the only who knows about today
Mega Madness. says:
yeah you are
Mega Madness. says:
but i have been trying for ages
Mega Madness. says:
and no one understands how much im trying


Mega Madness. says:
And besides t
here are emos who dont cut and people who cut but arent emo
Mega Madness. says:
and its hurtful to all these people who cut to say that their emo
Rory says:
yeah but cutting is emo, you don't have to be emo to cut but, cutting is emo, ity just means your doing an emo thing
Mega Madness. says:
ITS NOT EMO
Rory says:
i wasn't saying you were, i just said that your doing somethign emo, YES IT IS MEGAN, thats why ALL EMO'S DO IT!
Rory says:
your in denial
Mega Madness. says:
Unless youve done it you probably wouldnt understand
Mega Madness. says:
Emos do it cause it looks coola nd its what emos do.
Rory says:
no it doesn't, and thats right it's what they do, so its fucking emo
Mega Madness. says:
So your saying im just cutting because it looks cool
Rory says:
so if i cut myself i will automatically undertsand that difference?

Rory says:
no i'm sayiong your not emo but your doing an emo thing, and i said it DIDN'T look cool, DIDN'T

Mega Madness. says:
Fine call it emo. call it whatever

Rory says:
i do call it emo and so does everyone else

Rory says:
i always knew cutting yourself was emo, it's not just this convo that opened up my bloody eyes

Mega Madness. says:
yeah thats the problem

Mega Madness. says:
people dont understand

Rory says:
what is, me and everyone else knowing that cutting is emo?

Rory says:
i understand just fine, you have had a tough few years, and you think its your fault, so you punish yourself by cutting, but your not emo, the act its self is emo, not you

Rory says:
i understand

Rory says:
ohh and you don't like being called emo because your not, but everyone says you are because you cut so when i try to explain to you the cutting is emo, you get all angry and turn everything around so it sounds like i am being a prick
Rory says:
everything you said i said, isnt right, you haven't read it properly and are taking the wrong way

END OF CONVO
__________________________________

So basically does he have a point or do I have a right to be upset?



   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
AshtrayHeart Offline
Human Wreckage
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
AshtrayHeart's Avatar
 
Name: Jess.
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Suffolk, England.

Posts: 591
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: July 11th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 24th 2009, 11:06 AM

You have every right to be offended by what he said, self harming does not make you emo in anyway, what is emo really? its just a genre of music, and a person isnt a genre of music. He is wrong and it does not make you emo and its not an emo thing.
People do it for different reasons, I'm sure you have your own and believe me, its not emo. Just keep your head held high and ignore him try not to get offended you know its not an emo thing so dont let his words have an influence on you, just try your hardest and you can stop, your strong.


'Cause there's no pride to be found when you follow sheep around..

<3 15/3/09 <3
11 months, I love you.
  Send a message via MSN to AshtrayHeart  
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
Fluorescent_adolescent's Avatar
 
Name: Becky
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: Florida, USA

Posts: 96
Join Date: August 12th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 24th 2009, 12:01 PM

Yeah, you have the right to be upset with him. That's an incredibly ignorant thing to say. But I think both of you are a little confused about what "Emo" really is. If you cut because it makes you look cool, that's not emo. It's just stupidity. A certain style of clothes are not emo. "Emo" is short for Emotive Hardcore, which is a genre of music that was popular in the mid-late 80s - mid 90s, and pretty much died out. Somehow the term got warped into what it is today.
  Send a message via Skype™ to Fluorescent_adolescent 
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
JustARandomGirl Offline
Average Joe
***
 
JustARandomGirl's Avatar
 
Gender: Female

Posts: 131
Join Date: January 20th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 24th 2009, 12:09 PM

Yeah Where I said emos only cut cause it looks cool I really meant to say they cut cause they think its cool so they can look like emos.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
TheNumber42 Offline
Dolan
I can't get enough
*********
 
TheNumber42's Avatar
 
Name: Cody
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Location: USA

Posts: 2,145
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 24th 2009, 01:56 PM

He was being extremely ignorant and offensive. Just try not to let him get you down and just don't talk to him about this anymore. He doesn't understand, not at all. Emo is essentially a fashion style and a musical genre. Cutting is something that alot of the 'emo lifestyle' do because they think it is cool or that other people will think it is cool. But cutting doesn't make you emo in the least.

Just keep trying to quit, it's great that you are working so hard, just keep at it. I know it feels like no one understands, but there are people that understand you here, and I'm sure that somewhere in your life offline, there are people who would understand as well.

*hug* Take care, hope everything works out for you. PM me if you ever need anything.


~Cody

Normal User
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Prozac Offline
Member
I can't get enough
*********
 
Prozac's Avatar
 

Posts: 3,499
Blog Entries: 108
Join Date: January 8th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 24th 2009, 02:34 PM

Hi there Megan,

I'm sorry that your friend reacted so poorly towards self-harm and I agree that he did seem to be very ignorant and offensive - it's unfortunate that he reacted that way.

Unfortunately some people do seem to be insensitive and are not understanding of self harm - that is not because it is 'emo' or any of those things that your friend has said. I think that you were right about your friend not truly understanding about self-harm Megan. Many people do not understand self harm and that is why there are a lot of people who have the same response as your friend. I am sorry that he did not try to understand either. Until there are more people who are willing to at least try and understand or be educated, there is not much that we can do, Megan.

Try not to worry about what your friend said. It is not true that you are 'emo', emo is just a label which has, in my opinion, turned into a ridiculous derogatory term. I'm sorry that your friend didn't understand, or try to. His ignorance is not your fault.

Take care.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
hopefaithlove Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
hopefaithlove's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: United States

Posts: 1,332
Blog Entries: 6
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 25th 2009, 05:46 AM

Yes, you have a right to be offended. He doesn't seem like he is mature enough to handle something of this extent. Try reaching out to other friends; they will probably give you a different response.

We know how somewhat how you feel, so remember we are always here to talk about it, okay? Hang in there.


There is always hope. PM me anytime.
SH Free since 10.20.08
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Member
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
XbeyondthisworldX's Avatar
 
Name: Megan
Gender: Female
Location: PA

Posts: 360
Blog Entries: 52
Join Date: July 22nd 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 25th 2009, 05:58 AM

I would be EXTREMELY upset by what he said, I mean if he just didn't understand it would be one thing, but it's the fact he doesn't TRY to understand you. Next time, just ask him to let you talk, and you explain WHY you do it and WHY "emos" cut and what the difference is and how sterotypical "emo" is.
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
EmilyNicole Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
EmilyNicole's Avatar
 
Name: Emily
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: United States

Posts: 90
Join Date: March 31st 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 25th 2009, 11:00 PM

You have a right to be offended...if someone had said that to me, I would be very offended. As for your friend, If he's not going to listen to you....You can either not talk to him for awhile...or just have an honest conversation with him, in person. If he doesn't listen then...then he's obviously not trying too hard to understand what you're going through.
Just keep trying to quit. It's hard at first, but with time you'll learn how.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
Skeleton Offline
Member
Outside, huh?
**********
 
Skeleton's Avatar
 
Name: Charlie
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: UK.

Posts: 4,545
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 25th 2009, 11:13 PM

You have every right to be upset by what he said. He doesn't understand it and labelling it "emo" isn't right because in my eyes, it's nothing to do with that nor do people do it to look cool because that's just plain silly. I'd try to talk to someone else, if needed, someone who would understand it better because clearly he doesn't and it seems he isn't even trying to understand it either which isn't going to be very helpful to you.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
Comatose Offline
Human
Average Joe
***
 
Comatose's Avatar
 
Name: Amanda
Gender: Female
Location: Inside My Mind.

Posts: 140
Join Date: January 18th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 26th 2009, 03:34 AM

You definitely have a right to be offended, mad, upset, etc. It was not right of your friend to say that just because you cut, its an emo act in itself and that people think your emo. Non-self-harmers don't understand what it does for people that do, or why we get so upset when people call it emo. Your friend wasn't exactly calling YOU emo, but he definitely didn't have to push the fact that you cutting is an 'emo act'. I would either try to explain it to him again, or don't talk to him about it anymore, or even at all. He isn't being supportive of you at all. Even when you said how hard you are trying, he still brought that up.
I'm sorry your friend doesn't understand. Its hard to find someone who does. Take care and good luck.
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
Marshmello Kid Offline
Curioser and curioser . . .
Average Joe
***
 
Marshmello Kid's Avatar
 
Name: Reid
Gender: Female

Posts: 149
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 26th 2009, 04:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fluorescent_adolescent View Post
Yeah, you have the right to be upset with him. That's an incredibly ignorant thing to say. But I think both of you are a little confused about what "Emo" really is. If you cut because it makes you look cool, that's not emo. It's just stupidity. A certain style of clothes are not emo. "Emo" is short for Emotive Hardcore, which is a genre of music that was popular in the mid-late 80s - mid 90s, and pretty much died out. Somehow the term got warped into what it is today.
First of all, good for you for knowing what emo really is, I hate when people think it means emotional. Be my new BFF =D

Anyway, you have every right to be offended by what he said. Self harm is no emo and he is being stuborn and ignorant.
Good job for telling him about it, though. I know it takes a lot of guts.


“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want
them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”
-Albert Einstein
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
Amp Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Amp's Avatar
 
Age: 26

Posts: 35
Join Date: June 19th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 26th 2009, 04:47 AM

I think you should stop being so sensitive and notice that he said that shit because he cares about you.

For the record people, helping someone with their problems doesn't always amount to sidestepping around the real issues and just giving them endless compliments. People need to be told what they don't want to hear sometimes.

I mean hell, I might be out of line considering I don't have the full story, but that's a given when you seek help from relative strangers on the net.

I also think that it's pretty ignorant to defend yourself with the old "If you haven't done it you won't understand." Yeah, that's pretty much wrong.

Not saying this to agitate anyone, just getting a point across.
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
Gidig Offline
Optimistic pessimist
I can't get enough
*********
 
Gidig's Avatar
 
Name: Maria
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Colorado

Posts: 2,123
Blog Entries: 390
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 26th 2009, 04:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amp View Post
I think you should stop being so sensitive and notice that he said that shit because he cares about you.

For the record people, helping someone with their problems doesn't always amount to sidestepping around the real issues and just giving them endless compliments. People need to be told what they don't want to hear sometimes.

I mean hell, I might be out of line considering I don't have the full story, but that's a given when you seek help from relative strangers on the net.

I also think that it's pretty ignorant to defend yourself with the old "If you haven't done it you won't understand." Yeah, that's pretty much wrong.

Not saying this to agitate anyone, just getting a point across.
I more than just disagree with this.

You have EVERY right to be upset. Your FRIEND is assuming things about you that aren't true!
I'm not going to say I know what an eating disorder is like, because technically I've never had one. I'm not going to say I understand, because I DON'T. If you haven't gone through something you don't understand.

Telling someone they are emo helps absolutely nothing. And your friend had no right at all to say that you're emo, or what you do is emo. It's a stereotype, and it's extremely hurtful. She should have considered your feelings more.

I'm not saying he doesn't care about you, but he certainly is uneducated and needs to step up to life a bit more so he has the ability to actually help his friend. You're not being overly sensitive or anything like that.



The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.

   
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
Stay determined
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
Gingerbread Latte's Avatar
 
Name: Cara
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Scotland

Posts: 6,719
Blog Entries: 136
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 26th 2009, 05:26 PM

I'd be upset if I were you too. He's basically stereotyping you based on one thing you do. Maybe you're right and he doesn't understand but if he was a real friend he'd try to understand or at the very least be a bit more supportive.
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
CherriesBlossom Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
CherriesBlossom's Avatar
 
Name: Katie
Age: 29
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,054
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: January 13th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 26th 2009, 06:04 PM

id be very pissed, those emo comments just arent right.
even though he doesnt understand, dont stop trying to reach out.
what you did was couragous and im proud of you
even though the result is this!


good luck, feel free to pm me anytime
  Send a message via AIM to CherriesBlossom  
  (#17 (permalink)) Old
BECCALICIOUS! Offline
take me as you found me.
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
BECCALICIOUS!'s Avatar
 
Name: Becca
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: New York

Posts: 771
Blog Entries: 133
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 26th 2009, 10:02 PM

... Wow. Wow. Wow. Society sometimes amazes me with their lack of true education. This would be the kind of thing that would tempt me to don the whole "prep" gear and keep SI-ing and then say, "CALL ME EMO NOW, B!TCHES!" But then again, I'm rather vindictive sometimes.

Yeah, he's ignorant. Be pissed.


when you love and laugh abundantly you live a beautiful life.
   
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
Lizzie Offline
Volunteering Officer
Outside, huh?
**********
 
Lizzie's Avatar
 
Name: Lizzie
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 4,700
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 26th 2009, 10:14 PM

I think that while there is nothing wrong with being upset, you have to try to understand that when you tell someone something about yourself that is very personable, they might not take it exactly the way you want them to. And that goes with everything, not just this topic. And it is hard not to take personal offense to it. And you can call them whatever mean name you would like and say they are ignorant and stupid, but he was just being honest with you. Would you rather him lie just to make you feel better and then find out he was only lying? I think both of you were just a little over emotional about this (though it is hard not to be) and I think you should try talking to him again about it, in a little more calm manner, and maybe face to face. It is hard sometimes to tell how exactly someone is taking something through text. But if he says those things again, and can see how hurt you are by them, maybe then he will understand more.

So I personally would not try to get too worked up about this, though I know it is hard not to. Just breathe, everything will be ok. : )




Interested in becoming a staff member? Feel free to PM me, or apply HERE!
::Teen Help Member Since 2006::
::Staff Member for ten years::
~Blessed Be~
   
  (#19 (permalink)) Old
missinyou Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
missinyou's Avatar
 
Name: Stephanie
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: United States

Posts: 126
Join Date: May 27th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 29th 2009, 05:15 AM

Hey Megan,

First off, I'm very sorry that your friend was being like this. In the least, it doesn't sound like he was really trying to be a friend.

You have every right to be offended, if my friend had told me that when I cut, I would have been very offended. You are right, cutting is not 'emo' at all. Emo is a type of music and fashion style, not cutting.

Try to talk to your friend in person and have him let just you talk. Tell him why you did it and how he can help you. If he continues to be like this, I suggest trying to tell someone else and having them help you.

Good luck! And stay strong, it isn't easy in the beginning to quit, but after a while you figure it out. Check on the alternatives sticky, it is very helpful.

If you ever want to talk, PM me.
  Send a message via MSN to missinyou  
  (#20 (permalink)) Old
Ignorance is bliss..
Average Joe
***
 
kaytastrophie_xo's Avatar
 
Name: A.
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: U.S.

Posts: 181
Blog Entries: 8
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 29th 2009, 08:59 AM

Hey Megan,
I know you've gotten many replies about this but I really feel the need to say something as well, even if I am repeating everyone else.

You have every right to be upset. Cutting is an illness. It's an addiction. And what you're friend said was completely ignorant and judgemental. You we're right when you said he wouldn't understand. A lot of people don't. Unless they have reached such a low where they have felt the need to relieve the pain through self harm than that person probably wouldn't understand. Nobody cuts because they want to be cool or fit a certain 'image'. People self harm as an attempt at relief or as a cry for help. Don't let your friend make you think otherwise. Society has turned the term 'emo' into something that it isn't and therefore associate emo people with cutting. It's sick really.

Please don't let what he said hurt you. You don't deserve that. You don't deserve to be treated like he has treated you. You are a strong person and you stood up for yourself, that is a big deal. You can get through this and you can break the addiction. But people like him are only going to hold you back.

Hang in there hunn,
and if you ever want to talk about anything I am here.


Originally joined: June 2008


" He has no remorse for his actions,
And feels nothing but pleasure.
To see her suffer is his joy-
And her innocence is his treasure. "

is this what you really want from me..?
   
  (#21 (permalink)) Old
SaveMe Offline
Member
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
SaveMe's Avatar
 
Name: Natasha
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: Canada

Posts: 351
Blog Entries: 6
Join Date: July 10th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 30th 2009, 05:16 AM

He was being a real jerk, you have a right to be upset. And as hard as it is, I'd push it aside and move on with life. People like that aren't worth it, they really aren't
  Send a message via AIM to SaveMe  
  (#22 (permalink)) Old
anqel_bambii Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
anqel_bambii's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 6
Join Date: August 17th 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - August 30th 2009, 06:06 AM

hahaha what the hell.. people think im the ''prettiest and happiest'' person.. not emo in the slightest and i cut myself too. you dont have to be a certain type to cut. its a shame that emo has destroyed the self-mutilators own thingg haha. the two are jsut associated with eachother nowadays, but people who've actually cut know the difference.
   
  (#23 (permalink)) Old
justlikeme0 Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
justlikeme0's Avatar
 
Age: 25
Gender: Female

Posts: 180
Join Date: July 31st 2009

Re: Do I have the right to be upset by what he said about selfharm? - September 2nd 2009, 02:56 AM

trust me, you really have the right to be upset by that. what he said was hurtful. i dont think anyone really KNOWS what emo is. it has so many "definitions." i think you are what you want to be. if you dont want to be emo, then you arnt. and you can cut without being emo. dont let anyone lable you!
sorry, i dont really have advice about how to handle this situation besides just to try to talk to him again.
but some people will never understand. i was one of them (but i wasnt as mean to my friend as your friend was to you). i just didnt understand and didnt think cutting would solve anything. i thought it was kinda stupid. but now i understand. i started cutting and realized that it really is something that some people could never understand. so dont be too hard on him. but you do have a right to be mad. try to talk to him.
good luck =)
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
selfharm, upset

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.