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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
taylorr7239 Offline
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I did it - August 25th 2009, 12:21 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

again. After almost a year of not doing it. I cut again. Not deep, not in my "regular" spot. Its hard to find somewhere to cut your body when you're on the swim team. Theres only so much a one piece can cover. Its even harder living in FLA, during swimsuit season and wearing a two piece that covers even less. The thing is, that I really enjoyed the cutting last night. Even though I haven't don't it in so long, it felt so good and I already know I'm going to do it again. Even if everyone tells me not to, I don't care, I want to do it, I'm craving it, I want to feel the blade sink into my skin and watch the blood run out. I love it.
I'm telling you guys now, because I ned someone to know its happened and that it is going to happen again.
I also have plans to talk to my school social worker about it tomorrow (tried to talk to her today, but she was busy) and I have therapy Thursday and I'm going to talk to my therapist about it on Thursday.
But, for now, I am going to cut tonight. I want to cut tonight. Nothing too bad even happened today, its the addiction part of it. In less than 24 hours it has taken over my life already. Its consuming me. And, I kind of love it.

Last edited by SimplyComplex; August 25th 2009 at 09:01 PM. Reason: Added a triggering prefix :)
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I did it - August 25th 2009, 01:15 AM

Hey there,
First off, that's so awesome you went for almost a year without cutting! That shows real determination and self respect. That's so great you are already seeking help for yourself! That is always the hardest step to take. I really hope you don't cut tonight though. You may feel the urge, but remember that your just digging yourself a deeper hole you'll have to climb out of eventually. It may feel great, but try to think of all the consequences. Take care and let me know how its going.
PM me if you just want to talk,
Alessa


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I did it - August 25th 2009, 02:06 PM

Hi

Im sorry you cut yourself; after a year of being self harm free. Remember that year though, a year is absolutely fantastic! I know you said you enjoyed it and you are going to do it again but I think there is a small part of you that wants to stop doing this; the part of you that took over when you posted this thread. There must have been a reason you stopped cutting a year ago? Maybe you could think of that now and try and use the same techniques that worked for you then. Have you been thinking about all the negatives to self harm; you have already written one of them down [its hard to find somewhere to cut your body when you're on the swim team] and thats great Im sure there are more than that and when you think about it, it really isn't worth self harming just for that feeling.

Its really great you are going to talk to your social worker and therapist about it; that is really brave and strong of you. Maybe they can help you think about the reasons behind it and think about the consequences of starting again. Of course at the end of the day it is your choice and none of us can make you stop if you don't want to. I want to stress though that there are other ways of dealing with things than hurting yourself. Check out our [alternatives thread] for ideas on what to do when you feel like self harming

Take care,
Jen


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Re: I did it - August 25th 2009, 08:13 PM

Hey,

I'm sorry that you ended up cutting after one year of being harm free. Being at one year is amazing, and probably took a lot of work to get there, and you should be proud of yourself for lasting that long.

I totally understand that its addicting and gets addicting fast! I'm at 20 days, and its so hard!

Your strong for being able to talk to your therapist, and social worker about what is going on. This means that there is something inside of you that wants the help. Are you wanting to try and stop at all?

If so, I know you can do it! Your a very strong person.

Keep your head up!
PM me if you need anything
Brittany



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Re: I did it - August 25th 2009, 08:57 PM

Taylor.. can u please put a trigger warning on this thread.. cos of the fairly graphic description.. just so readers are aware.. thanks!
good luck with getting help, i hope it goes well for you.. remember, you CAN do it!
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Re: I did it - August 26th 2009, 03:41 AM

Taylor, it is amazing that you made it a year without self-harming! Congratulations. That is so hard to do and you fought to get rid of it.
But hun, slip-ups happen. Its a part of life. But don't let one slip-up take over your life again. Its going to be hard, but think of how you have felt without it. You don't need it. No one does, its just a very hard habit to get rid of. Its like smoking, its addicting, but with hard work you can overcome it again. Think of how proud you and your family and friends will be when you stop again. Try to think of the scars too. If you are on the swim team and you live in Florida, you don't want those nasty scars to be shown. You won't have to hide anything either.
Don't let this control you, Taylor.
Take care and good luck.
   
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Re: I did it - August 28th 2009, 01:37 AM

Well, I emailed the school social worker on Monday morning and she said "I will make it a point to see you tomorrow." So, Tuesday came and went... and she didn't try to see me... I cut. Wednesday came and went... and she didn't try to see me... I cut. Thursday came and went... and she didn't try to see me... I went to therapy... I showed my therapist my cuts... I tried talking about it and my feelings and such... I came home.... some stupid shit happened with my mom... and go figure... I cut.
So, I don't really know where I'm at with this. I just keep cutting and its hard to stop. I don't even know how I stopped last time. Usually excersise helps keep me feeling good, but even now, with swim practice everyday and weightlifting twice a week, and running every night to stay in shape for soccer, I am still hurting myself and suicidal. It is ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!! FML
   
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Re: I did it - August 28th 2009, 01:58 AM

Well what did your therapist say when you saw her? Was she going to try and help you? When you have the urge to cut, try to think of something else. Come on here and help people out by posting on the forums. Go for a walk to clear your mind. Sketch a picture of what's going on in your mind. Anything to take your mind off the urge to cut. Keep talking to your therapist about what's going on. It's great you are getting yourself some help. I know you can do it. Stay strong and believe in yourself.
Good luck,
Alessa


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