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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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too much - August 27th 2009, 08:46 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

im self harming too much !
the impulse to see blood it taking over me i burned my arms so bad and cut the up so much i dont no what to do other than just end everything
i cant stop myself anymore i can be fine one minet the my screwed up head make me think too much i cant cope i cant stop myself i made the mistacke of buying 15 new baldes and it not good i just had to i needed to im guna end up in soo much trouble no one even nows i sh anymore i dont no what i do i cant do this i need to cut i need to dissapera cutting wont do that so y bother but i have to my head everywere im so alone with no one to talk i can get a job cause im so worried about people seeing them i have to keep covered god i cant do this why did i do this why am i gogint to do it again
ARRRGGGH im losing it im going mad
   
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Re: too much - August 27th 2009, 09:25 PM

Hey there,
Just relax. Take some deep breaths. You are not losing it or going mad. You are not alone either. We are here for you! Everyone here at TH care about you. About the self harming, look at the alternatives sticky at the top of this forum. It's a great list of ways to get rid of the urge to cut. You also NEED to throw away those new blades. That will just make the urge to cut a lot more worse than it already is. Let me know if you need anything at all or just want to talk to someone. I'm here for you.
Take care,
Alessa


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Re: too much - August 27th 2009, 11:44 PM

Hey Ellie,

Sorry that you were feeling bad and ended up self harming; I know its not a nice thing to be doing to yourself but I think its good you are wanting to stop. If you want to see blood there are other ways to deal with that, some people find it helps to draw on their arm with red pen or put tomato ketchup or red food colouring on themselves. It sounds silly but it can help with the urge to see the red. I think that it would be a good idea to get rid of the blades because it will remove the temptation and make it less likely you will self harm. Try and keep things that you might use to self harm out of your room, that way you will have to actively seek them out and that gives you time to stop and consider your options.

You said that nobody knows you self harm, so you think you will get into trouble. I'm wondering why you think you might get in trouble over this. If you did get in trouble then it is unfortunate but a lot of parents don't understand why their child would harm themselves and sometimes they even feel to blame themselves and take it out on the child. If somebody reacts badly though, that is their problem and not yours because you have done nothing wrong. If you really didnt want anyone to know you could cover your arms, however, I really think it would be a good idea if you could talk to somebody about this as it can help you to feel better and less alone and the other person can help you find ways to stop and feel better about things. This person could be a teacher at school, a school nurse, a family member, a friend, therapist/councellor, your doctor or any other person you know and trust.

If you have burned your arms badly its important you seek medical advice on that as it can really cause damage to you and you might need some treatment for that and/or your cuts. You need to keep yourself safe even if you don't feel like it right now.

Is there a reason you feel you want to disappear? I know you are feeling low right now but that isn't the answer to things. Everything is always changing so that means that things won't be this way forever; things can and will get better. You seem to have been really strong so far and I think you can keep going with this If you disappeared there would be lots of people who would be devastated and miss you so much; I am sure of that.

There are a few threads I thought you might like to check out, just click on the links
[alternatives to self harm]
[first aid information]
[hotlines]
[who can help me when I'm suicidal]
[Reasons to live]

Take care,
Jen


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Last edited by L'espoir; August 27th 2009 at 11:50 PM.
   
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Re: too much - August 29th 2009, 04:57 PM

i dont care if my arms are ok anymore i cant get rid of the blades i need to no they are there i have to i get all panicy nowing that i cant cut if i hav to and just end up doing somthing worse i got permant nerve damage and scars that will never go aay so i not really got a reason to stop im going to live in longsleeves so it wont hurt that wat i keep saying i no it prob not right my head is so screwed up ! my parent went menall at me wen they found i was elf harming 5 years ago and they just though it was a one of thing not a on going thing i cuting nearly everyday and wen i cut i just burn i lost control of myself i hate my life
   
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Re: too much - August 29th 2009, 05:37 PM

Hey Ellie,
I know it's really hard to stop self harming. Remember though, we are here for you. Use this Alternatives to Self Harm sticky to find other things to do instead of cutting and burning. Believe in yourself. You should tell someone such as a close friend or family member. That way they can help you through this tough time. It may seem hard to tell them but it will be worth it in the end. PM me if you need anything.
Take care,
Alessa


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Re: too much - August 30th 2009, 12:21 AM

Ellie,
There are two things in the Alternatives thread that pretty much everyone mentioned that I think will help you.
First is to help with the fact that you want to see blood. Instead of cutting you can mark up your arms or whatever with red marker/highlighter/pen as much as you want and not risk doing more permanent damage.
Secondly is to help with the want for pain. You can wear rubber bands around your wrist and snap them. Some people still consider this self-harm, but it helps keep away the urges to cut, because you are still getting the pain.
Really, you don't want to cause yourself anymore permanent damage. It will be terrible if you do.
If you ever want or need to talk about anything, you can PM me or if you have IM, you can go to my profile and get my screenname and talk to me anytime.
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Re: too much - August 31st 2009, 09:18 PM

it not just the blood i need to feel the pain , i deserve tooo pain on the outside helps to even out the pain on the inside the worse i feel the more i do bad things to myself!
   
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Re: too much - August 31st 2009, 10:01 PM

That's why I offered the rubber bands. Yes, they don't cause as much pain, but they can help with the need for the pain.


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Re: too much - September 3rd 2009, 10:15 PM

ok i done it again like worse thatn i hav in in a while i dont no y i just had to im falling apart i fed up of hidin my whole my life i want to giv up i cant fight anymore i just cant
   
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Re: too much - September 4th 2009, 01:40 AM

Yes you can. Don't give up. I know it may seem like your done but your not! Keep fighting! It may be hard now but it will all be worth it in the end. Try to occupy yourself when you have the urge to cut. Take it off your mind or get into a situation where you can't cut because of people around you or something else. I suggest you talk to someone close and let them know what's going on. That way they can help you understand better how to stop and what you are going through. You can do it just hang in there and stay strong!


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Re: too much - September 10th 2009, 07:54 PM

y dp i keep doing this too myself it getting to the stage each time i cut i end up annoyed with myself cause i i cant cut deep enough with the bluntning blades so i resort to burning and punching things i lost control yet again y do i feell this way y do i hate myself so much !! y does everyone else hate me so mmuch whats so wrong about me what hav i dun wat havnt i dun wen i used to cut 3 or 4 4 small cuts would satifiy me now im going mental thing cant get any worse if they do im gone !!! i need help but noone will give it too me i wrote to my GP about referering me offf to therpy again and he wont he said i need to think about thing therpy not the easy way out what t does he mean by that im dommed and no body cares WHY AM I STILL HEAR
   
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Re: too much - September 10th 2009, 07:58 PM

close your eyes and take some breaths.
you are the only one who has control over yourself.
youre not going crazy.
what you need to do is get rid of everything and anything that is going to tempt you to harm yourself.
fill yourself with happiness, do things that make you laugh and smile.
dont think too much either.
take an extra step, make a new friend or find a new hobby.
   
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Re: too much - September 11th 2009, 04:16 AM

Hey there,

I am sorry you are struggling with this but you can overcome it just don't give up in yourself. I am also sorry you hate yourself but I want you to know that you do not deserve to hate yourself and you do not deserve to be hurting yourself like this.

Someone mentioned getting rid of your blades and I can understand your fear of not wanting to so I had another suggestion that can work sometimes. What if, instead of throwing your blades away you locked/hid them away somewhere? If you hide them good enough whenever you get an urge by the time you get to them the urge might die down. Maybe you could burying them in your backyard or lock them in a secret tool and them bury them deep in your closet or something like that? The point is to make the blades really hard to get to so that you have time to work through the urge; do you think you could give it a shot?

As for what the GP said; is there anyone else you can talk to about getting a referral to a therapist? I know that some people don't understand things like therapy so maybe if you found someone else you would get a better response?

Please hang in there and if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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