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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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"You'll Never be able to get a job Ever" - September 1st 2009, 12:02 AM

heres what happened.

My Mum Went out into town today and brought be back some clothes . And Im Always Grate ful to get things from my parents So I tried them on and came down stairs to show her them . we dont talk about my self injury but she knows about it and she has also never seen my scars. Im Very body concious any way and so When It comes to clothes other people might call me picky. because apart from my family no one else knows so i always have to cover my arms with long sleeves . so back to the story . i came down in this nice top she bought and this black long sleeved tshirt underneath and she gave me this funny look and said " Cant you stop Slicing up your arms and just be normal " I just stood there not knowing what to say . it was totally out of the blue and then she just started having a go at me saying All This horrible stuff about my self injury evem though she knows nothing about it . But The one thing she said that really got to me is " Your Stupid you'll never be able to get a job ever in your life Now" . Theres lots of reasons this upsets me but the 2 main ones are That Some times i believe that its true because right now im my life its seems like it is gonna hold me back in quite a few aspects of my life. The Second is That Its coming from my mum . She Is Supposed to be one of the closest people too me but when she says stuff like that it breaks my heart and just makes me want to self injurer more . and i did before because of it . Its like when she tells me she's disapointed in me because you know it hurts more than if she says she angry . and alswell as that my dad was starting to laugh at me which made it 10 times worse so i just ran upstairs. I need to cut so badly right now even though i did it before . i need help. i need some advice please If any one knows of a way to help please do
   
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Re: "You'll Never be able to get a job Ever" - September 1st 2009, 12:23 AM

I wish I could give you advice from personal experience, but no one (other than people from this site) even know I sh. But I would really like to try and help anyway. My advice would be to set your mom down and try talking with her, about why you did it, how she hurt you with the things she said, and how she can help. From my perspective, the only way to make things easier with her is by trying to get her to understand where you are coming from. Most people who don't sh, don't understand. I hope this helped, if not my apologies. I wish you the best of luck, and i'll always be here to help in any way i can.
   
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Re: "You'll Never be able to get a job Ever" - September 1st 2009, 01:21 AM

Hi Emily. I'm sorry your mom said that to you, its tough when family can put you down, especially when they don't understand what you are going through.

But self-harm will only hold you back in life if you let it hold you back. I used to think the same thing, but its all about perspective. You can go to any college you want, you can get a job anywhere, you can become anything you want to become. But if you let your scars hold your back, then they will. Think positive and go do what you want to do. You may have to wear long-sleeves until you get comfortable where you are, but other then that you can do it. Don't let it hold you back. Don't let your moms hurtful words get to you. It sounds like she doesn't understand and she may not for awhile. Try talking to her and telling her about how her words affect you and how you are feeling when you self-harm. You could also ask her to get you help once you think she is listening to you. Atleast try to.
Good luck and stay safe. PM me anytime.
   
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Re: "You'll Never be able to get a job Ever" - September 1st 2009, 01:25 AM

I think when your mom is cooled down tell her how you felt. That was very unsecitive of her. your mother was in the heat of the moment and was just probably upset that you would hurt yourself. That anger was probably just anger coming from herself. I wouldn't listen to her. Do you feel suisidal or just cutting urges. Try doing something. Fun what do you enjoy?


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Re: "You'll Never be able to get a job Ever" - September 1st 2009, 01:34 AM

Emily,
I agree with what pretty much everyone has said so far. I know it's hard, but try and set her down and talk to her about it. Explain to her that (even though it's not the only reason you SH, but her telling you that you are going to fail in life because of it, really makes it a lot worse. If you don't feel comfortable sitting down and talking to her about it, maybe write her a letter and get everything out. Then later the two of you can talk about what was in the letter.
As, (I think) Amanda said, this all depends on how you look at your life. If you look at it like you won't be able to do anything with it because of SH, you won't. If you look at it like you can get through it with or without SH, then you can.
Good luck dear.
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Re: "You'll Never be able to get a job Ever" - September 1st 2009, 11:07 AM

Hey


Sorry about what happened with your mum. Unfortunately lots of people don't understand self harm and so they react in ways that are unhelpful and sometimes they can make things worse. I don't know your parents of course but maybe if they understood self harm more they would be a bit nicer about things? There are some good websites out there about self harm so maybe you could show them or you could even just explain how things are from your perspective [in a letter or talking to them].


As for what was said about getting a job; that is untrue. I know people who have self harmed who have gotten jobs; for example my sister has cut and she has had 3 different jobs. My english teacher used to cut and she [obviously] has a job as a teacher. The only time it might affect jobs is if you wanted to go into something like mental health; they usually would want to make sure you weren't self harming still and were emotionally stable before employing you with something like that.


It might help if you had someone else to talk to about the self harm and how you feel. If your parents aren't supportive about it there are other people who would want to listen and help you; this could be anyone who you a trust. It could be a different family member; a friend; a teacher or your doctor. You could also try calling a helpline to talk about things. In the meantime you might want to check out the alternatives thread [click here] when you feel like self harming


Take care,
Jen


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Re: "You'll Never be able to get a job Ever" - September 1st 2009, 12:07 PM

Hey Emily!
I believe that the above posts have covered everything I wanted to say!

Talking to your mom about the fact that you want her to support you instead of commenting about you being different, or 'not normal' or that you sh, would be a good idea. Parents tend to give you all the support you need...but sometimes, they don't see the need to unless you ask for it.

Yeah, you will get job, don't worry! Just because you sh, that doesn't mean you aren't qualified for a job or anything!
The reason why people sh, is usually sometimes because they want some attention; because they feel so much pain inside that is SO irrational, that they want to see the pain physically.
Your mom may not understand that you need that help, that support, because you speak, or spoke to her about it at some point of time. If you explain to her that you really need help or support from her, she will give it to you. It's just that it may take a little time for her to get used to it, because she have to accept it and might not know how to react to this properly!

I hope things work out!!
And I hope I helped!
Take care!
Hugs

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