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-   -   Triggering (SH): Eep! (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t24415-eep/)

KoKoEm September 1st 2009 02:21 AM

Eep!
 
I messed up... Bad.
I cut again for the first time badly. Most of the last few have just been little rashes. However, last night, I was determined. Which is a very very very bad thing.
Pretty much, I had to try twice. I was too determined, which is now a pain to me.
I now have three cuts on one side of my wrist and four on the other and it's bugging the heck out of me. I tried last night to make it even, and failed. Now I still want it even but don't feel a "need" other than that.
It's not just annoying but it's painful with a bad scratchy sweater on over just a tank top because you forgot your uniform shirt for school. I had forgotten how much a pain all of this was, it had been so long since I have had to hide something.
I don't know what I'm looking for.
I think I just wanted to rant. >.<
Em

Comatose September 1st 2009 02:56 AM

Re: Eep!
 
Hi Em. :)
First, I just want to tell you that you should take care of your cuts. Put some neosporin and a bandaid on them, or something else that will help make them heal. You can also look at the First Aid thread in this forum. Please don't take the chance that they will get infected or result in scars later.
Second I want to tell you that slip-ups are okay. They suck, but they happen. But don't let one slip-up tare you down. Its actually a good thing that the sweatshirt is annoying your cuts, (as messed up as that sounds), because hopefully it will remind you next time you want to cut that you don't want to feel that annoying feeling, and that you don't want to feel like you have to hide something either. Hiding stuff isn't fun, so don't give yourself something that you have to hide. Check out the Alternatives thread so next time you can make better choices.
Take care. :)

Nina Twin September 1st 2009 04:59 AM

Re: Eep!
 
It's okay, Emily. You don't have to feel bad for relapsing. Of course it's not good for you to harm yourself, but stuff like this happens. It's part of the healing process, and it sounds like you went quite a while without self-harming before then anyway. Way to go!
It sounds like you get pretty blinded by your desire to self-injure whenever you get the urge to do so. Is there something you really love to do that might distract you from it? Maybe you like to dance, play music or sing? Just talking to a friend might help - surrounding yourself with good friends or family can even force you not to do something destructive. And I'm always here if you'd like to private message me or e-mail me and talk. I will give you my full support.
Don't let this get you down. There will be ruts and ditches that you may stumble into on the "road of recovery," but you can still climb out of them and do positive things. You deserve happiness and you can be happy, I promise!

KoKoEm September 1st 2009 04:14 PM

Re: Eep!
 
I was doing all that I could not to... It was rediculous. I just, can't be at my moms, I think. I was okay for a while, but then she started to pick on me again. She started checking my grades when we'd only had a week and I had lost a worksheet, so I couldn't turn it in. She won't listen to the fact of how much every little thing is worth right now and that it won't be worth as much later. I'm tired of it.

Nina Twin September 2nd 2009 05:06 AM

Re: Eep!
 
Is there anywhere else you could go? Do you think there's a more positive place you could be living that could help you recover better?

KoKoEm September 2nd 2009 07:38 PM

Re: Eep!
 
Actually, I'm usually at my dad's house, but have to go to my mom's. My dad won't change it now because I only have a year left.

savealife723 September 2nd 2009 10:12 PM

Re: Eep!
 
Hey, just remember what we talked about yesterday! I'm always here for you, and I will always be there for you to talk to! (:

i care about you girl!
and i hope you know that!
(:

KoKoEm September 3rd 2009 02:43 PM

Re: Eep!
 
Thank you Kayla! <3
I really appreciate it. =]


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