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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lil Offline
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Unhappy Im so..scared of myself - September 2nd 2009, 01:55 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My friend use to cut for years and recently has been way better.I think out of everyone i know she would understand the most.Well ive been trying to stop myself from throwing up and have been succeseful for a week but these last few days i felt horrible and have been feeling like punishing myself for not doing it.Well yesterday i took a pair of scissors and started cutting lines on my wrist and thighs.i did it again today...In a way i feel i deserved it cause of how disgusting i feel and i felt relieved.now im scared because im only just accepted i might have an ED and now im hurting myself to stop it..I feel like such a hypocrite to my friend now if i told her she would surely hate me.Cant tell parents they wouldnt understand and neither would my anyone else i now.Im scared of what im doing. im scared of myself.i just i dont know anymore what to do.I dont know what advice i was looking for by writing this down but i needed to rant it out so i did.im sorry if this makes no sense.


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Im so..scared of myself - September 2nd 2009, 02:25 AM

Hey!

I know it's a hard thing to go back to SH or an ED, because then you feel like you have failed everyone around you. But you said your friend used to cut for a long time, right? Then she should understand. You messed up, we all mess up.

Hon, you don't deserve what you did to yourself. Sure, you screwed up, but you didn't (and don't) deserve that, no one does. I'm sure you aren't a disgusting person, you just made a few mistakes.

If you're trying to stop your ED, you need to find a better way to deal with it, because SH is not a good way to deal with anything.

It's okay to come here and rant! That's part of the reason we're here!!

My PM box is open.

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Where else can I go?

el rescate no es un mito
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Im so..scared of myself - September 2nd 2009, 02:34 AM

Personally, if I was your friend, I would not be mad.
I think you should tell her(?) about it and explain that you know that you've been pretty critical of her cutting before but now you really need her help with a problem she's starting to get over.
I'm sorry you've found cutting as helping you relieve the pain from not throwing up, but man, it's dangerous. Both are really.
Seriously, tell your friend. She should respect you if you apologize for being critical before and explain how you want to get over your ED but found something else.
I know it's tough but you can do it. And she could really help you. =]
You can always feel free to PM me about anything. Just to talk or if you really need to talk about something.
Em


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We believe every lie & say we'll still be friends
How long will it last
Before we scratch all the scripts & rework the casts
*Hourglass by the Hush Sound*


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Re: Im so..scared of myself - September 2nd 2009, 05:05 AM

You don't have to punish yourself for anything at all. The fact of the matter is that you deserve to be happy. You don't have to hurt yourself after making small mistakes or after anything, for that matter. It's okay if you just take a deep breath and say, "I don't want to do this. I want to be constructive instead."
Of course, it's easier said than done. I'm sure if you had some support, though, it might be easier for you.
Please, don't think that anyone would be angry with you for talking to them. The people around you WANT to help you. They love you and want you to be happy; I'm sure if you opened yourself up to them just a little, you would be pleasantly surprised at how much they can help you.
The next time you want to self-injure, try to distract yourself. Surround yourself with people you care about, do something you love, or just talk to someone. I'm always here to support you if you would like to PM me or e-mail me.
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Re: Im so..scared of myself - September 2nd 2009, 05:08 AM

you deserve to be happy. you really do.
just because you make small mistakes, doesn't mean punish yourself. that's not fair to you, and you don't deserve it at all.

please feel free to pm/vm me anytime you need someone to talk to!


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Re: Im so..scared of myself - September 2nd 2009, 01:10 PM

start thinking about all the good things about yourself instead and give yourself praise on all these good things because thats what you deserve! =]


"it's okay to be messed up, 'cause there's five guys who are just as messed up as you." - Gerard Way
   
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Lil Offline
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Re: Im so..scared of myself - September 2nd 2009, 11:50 PM

thank you guys just reading all your replys make me feel just a bit better about myself its very hard for me to tell anyone about my problems because i feel like ive failed my friends when im suppose to be the strong one.


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
   
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