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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
lizalover Offline
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Exclamation Urges again...(may be really triggering, SI, Suicide, abuse) - September 3rd 2009, 12:10 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well, I haven't cut for at least 3 or 4 days. I have managed to not cut by keeping myself from thinking about the urges. Also I am starting to have thoughts of suicide again. I want to slit my wrists and watch all the blood come out. I know that this image may may others scared, well, in fact it scares me the fact that I am thinking about killing myself again. I had thoughts of wanting to die about 2 or 3 hours ago and now they are back. Am I ever going to get better? Is there any hope for me? I am just starting to feel the hopelessness coming into my head, telling me that I am never going to get better and that my life is always going to be like this. If things are ever going to get better, than I don't want to continue to live this life. I am tired of hiding my problems from my school, friends, everyone. I just hate this....what is wrong with me? Did my uncle hurt me this much that I deal with suicide like this everyday for the past 3 months?? I mean, all he did was touch me....why did that hurt me inside so much? I just dont get it....if someone did that to me right now, I wouldnt have acted in such a serious way, but how is being 13 being different from being 19?? I am just so confused, suicidal, wanting to cut myself...I am such a mess right now!!
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Re: Urges again...(may be really triggering, SI, Suicide, abuse) - September 3rd 2009, 01:03 AM

Hey Liz,

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this at the moment. There is hope and you will get better. I know it might not seen like that right now because you are feeling so low and everything seems black. But there is light at the end of the tunnel Liz. I am wondering why you hide your feelings from everyone? People can't help unless they know how you feel. You deserve help Liz but you do have to reach out for that. You have already taken a huge step by posting this because that is a brave thing to do. Now you have to take that one step further and tell someone in your life how you feel. The sooner you tell someone the sooner things can begin to change. Then you can be happy like you deserve

Your uncle was very wrong to do what he did. He never should have done that and what happened definitely isn't your fault. You have a right to feel the way you do because he hurt you and shouldn't have. If he hadn't of then you wouldn't be feeling this way right now so only he is responsible for all of this. The thing is Liz he has hurt you enough you shouldn't let him destroy the rest of your life. You have to stand up and show how strong you are. Why let him ruin your life? He is not worth anything but you are a really special person who didn't deserve any of this.

If you need a chat or anything then I am always happy to listen
   
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Re: Urges again...(may be really triggering, SI, Suicide, abuse) - September 3rd 2009, 04:44 AM

Hi there Elizabeth, (Nice name by the way )

Going four days without cutting is a very good start! It can be difficult at first, but as time goes on it does get easier. I can't promise you that urges will go away forever, but I can promise you that things will get better.

I'm glad that you have been able to keep your mind off of self harm. Is there anything you used in particular to help keep your mind off things? I would check out this link - http://forums.teenhelp.org/f12-self-harm/t9418-alternatives-self-harm/
It is a very handy list that gives alternatives to self harm. Not everyone works and it might take a while to figure out which ones work for you and which ones don't. However, there is no harm in trying any of them.

I know that are feeling down and don't feel like you have anyone to talk. You also ALWAYS more than welcome to PM me and I will talk, and you don't have to worry about triggering me. I've been through self harm struggles so I can understand your pain. However, I know that talking to someone online isn't as good as speaking to someone in person. You can always talk to a teacher, coach, school counselor, or family member. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. You might not have to tell them about your self harm, but talking about the stress that causes self harm and help.

I hope that you feel better soon. Remember, you don't deserve to be hurt.

Last edited by Elizabeth; September 6th 2009 at 01:53 AM.
   
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Re: Urges again...(may be really triggering, SI, Suicide, abuse) - September 5th 2009, 09:16 PM

Thanks for the advice, both of you. It means a lot to me that you both care about me. I want you to know that I have actually been through the whole hospital thing. I have been in 9 hospitals and a treatment center for 1 1/2 years within the last 5 years. I have been through therapy, but haven't been in it for about 3 years. I am afraid to go back and that is what everyone keeps telling me that I need to do.
I also want you to know that I have a really good support system, it's just not here on campus right now. School hasn't started yet, but it will a week from Monday. I am talking to my friends at home and friends from school still, so it's not like I don't talk to people about my challenges. The reason why I have been so much in my room and refusing to be around others, is because I was afraid that if I spent time with others, that someone would find out what I've been dealing with and they would tell the Dean of Students, which would get me kicked out of school again. They have already done it once to me, so I know that would be the resolute of them finding out. I am not being in my room really anymore. I have been spending time with the new freshman and they are a really good group of kids. They are so much fun to be around. Since than, I haven't cut myself and have been having better nights. So I am doing better!
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Elizabeth Offline
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Re: Urges again...(may be really triggering, SI, Suicide, abuse) - September 6th 2009, 01:53 AM

I'm glad that you are doing better! It makes me happy to hear that.

I'm also glad that your support system at school will be returning. I understand that you have fears of telling someone, because that could result it being kicked out of school. I know you don't want a counselor, but they wouldn't be able to tell by law and you could have someone to talk to. However, I won't push that anymore. I also want you to understand that I am here ANYTIME you want to talk. All you have to do is send me a private message. You also might want to try writing in a journal. I found it very helpful in releasing my stresses when I didn't want to talk to anyone else.

You should be so proud of yourself for not cutting. I hope that everything stays well and gets better. Keep your chin up.
   
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Re: Urges again...(may be really triggering, SI, Suicide, abuse) - September 6th 2009, 01:36 PM

Your welcome I hope I helped a bit.

It is really good that you have a good support system. That always makes a difference and really helps to have people who care.

I am so proud of you for not self harming and that things are going better. You deserve it You are strong and can do it!
   
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