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-   -   Triggering (SH): What have i done!!? (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t24592-what-have-i-done/)

justlikeme0 September 3rd 2009 12:36 AM

What have i done!!?
i dont know! im so mad at myself. i was having a bad day and i just finished having a not so fun conversation with my mom (shes "dissapointed" with me)

i have what i call "my box" it containes a sharpened paper clip, a sharp peice of plastic, a pointy piece of glass and a razor blade i got out of my desposable shaving razor.
ive never used the razor before. i mostly use the glass or the plastic. they leave bad scrapes but NEVER draw blood.
but today after the conversation i ran straight to my room and started crying hysterically. i grabbed my box and made a few scrapes with my plastic.
but then i grabbed the razor and made a slice! i actually drew blood! not much - only like 10 drops and then it stopped. but ive never drawn blood before!!!
what has happened to me!? what have i done!? i wasnt meant to be like this!

im so scared! and im so mad at myself for doing this!
i hate myself! what if i never stop?!

i dont even know what kind of advice i want by saying this. but please say something.

i cant believe i did this!!!! :mad::sad::mad::sad::mad:

xXbrooke13Xx September 3rd 2009 01:44 AM

Re: What have i done!!?
you say you've never used the blade before this?

why not get rid of the blade as soon as you can,it would tak away the tempation should you ever see it at a time like that again and it'll make it easier.

i wouldnt worry too much about doing it again,but jus as a precaution,get rid of the blade,please? it will make it MUCH easier for you,i swear.

hope this helped some


forfrosne September 3rd 2009 03:04 AM

Re: What have i done!!?
get rid of the blade, its a temptation.

MadPoet September 3rd 2009 03:24 AM

Re: What have i done!!?
Hey Dani :] I can understand what you're going through right now, because I've been there before as well. However, don't beat yourself up about this. You did what you thought would help at the time. Unfortunately, self harm is not the kind of 'help' you should be giving yourself.

It's great that you realize self harm is not a healthy thing to turn to. By realizing this, it makes it much easier for you to take the initiative and the first steps towards recovering. First off, I'd get rid of this box. Dump in the trash, ask someone to put it somewhere where you cannot find it, if throwing the contents away seems a bit too hard for you. Having the box nearby the next time you feel the need to hurt yourself is way too big of a temptation.

Second, arm yourself with distractions. You're going to have days where self harm seems to be the best thing to turn to. When you have a day or a moment like that, you need to know how to distract yourself. You can find a list of alternatives and distractions here that may help you out in the future.

How long have you been self harming? If you feel this has become a large problem in your life, maybe you should consider talking to someone. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because everyone needs a little extra help every once in awhile. There are obviously issues going on in your life that are causing you to feel the need to self harm. Maybe talking through those issues would make it easy to get through the day without self harming. It's never too early or too late to talk to someone. If you feel like it may be something that could help you, it's definitely worth a shot.

You may feel as if self harm is not too big of a deal, at least not if you're not using a blade. But the truth is if you're scratching, cutting, burning, etc. no matter how minor the cuts may seem to you, self harm is a problem, and as with any problem, it needs to be dealt with. You're strong for posting this thread and admitting that you have been self harming, I think that's great. Now the next step is dealing with this problem, and finding healthier ways to truly help yourself.

I'm always around if you need to chat, so PM me anytime :) Hang in there. x

justlikeme0 September 3rd 2009 04:07 AM

Re: What have i done!!?
yeah. i know. get rid of the blade! sounds like an easy solution....... but then why cant i do it?

xXbrooke13Xx September 3rd 2009 03:16 PM

Re: What have i done!!?
i had a similar problem,well,the getting rid of the blade part.

i never did figure out why i couldnt get rid of it,but eventually i did....jus about a week ago,i got a new one and used it...

all i can tell you is,jus grab the blade one time and walk right to the grabage can and throw it out or whatever,dont look back at it after you do,jus keep walking away form it like its nothing and it never existed,that what i did.

the only problem i had was an urge came back that was too strong for me to handle and i let it take over,dont let that happen,dont go back to a blade again,jus get rid of this one and never put one in "your box" again.


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